I’m trying to avoid going to bed for just a while longer, so that I might sleep all night long, so hence another post. I think having a computer connection and being back to my lovely Flower iMac has made me a posting fiend. 🙂 Four whole posts in one day! I’m insane!

I’ve been rather introspective due to everything that has been happening. As first year medical students, we took a class called “Physical Diagnosis” (it’s the class that I helped teach this past December), where you learn to do a physical exam, but more importantly, you learn how to conduct an interview and how to talk to patients (which really uses different communication skills than just carrying on between two friends or acquaintances). One of the first lessons was how important physical touch and sympathy were to establishing the rapport and caring between the patient and doctor–that illness affects us all and to be able to show concern is the best way to develop the relationship. At the end of the week, we had to perform an interview with standardized patient. I still remember the patient I had — an older woman, coming in to get some sleeping pills, where I discovered that her husband had died only a few weeks previously. I remember sitting there, trying to think of something to say, wondering how you could comfort somebody with such an acute loss, and feeling like an absolute failure.

I’m not sure that it has gotten easier since then. I’ve gotten better at placing my hand on a knee, leaning forward, holding patients’ hands after they found out that they might have cancer or some other horrible diagnosis, but the right words to say still seem to stick in my mouth. “I’m sorry” seems trite (and half the time followed up with “it’s not your fault”, which aggravates me to the point of grinding teeth.) At least the sympathy, which felt so fake during the first year (oh yeah, they were ACTORS. It was fake), is real and sincere now, and I care very deeply about my patients and all of their problems, but it doesn’t change that uncomfortable feeling of intruding.

I think I’m worse with my friends. That’s not to say that I’m a fairweather friend who disappears with the first sign of trouble, but that I feel like an absolute idiot in trying to comfort. It’s strange too; everybody seems to know how to comfort me, but that might be because I’m pretty simple that way–hug me tight, let me cry and rant, and I’m good to go. Honestly, I think this is the one area where having a male friend is more difficult, because I communicate my sympathies and pain at their heartache through touch, and Chris is not a touchy kind of guy.

I’ve been trying to be the best friend I can be through all of this, but it’s been hard. I distracted him with two hours of looking at pictures (“Lions. And more lions. And look, another picture of lions.”) and discussion of his trip to Thailand and our trip to Mexico (!!! – I was worried when I suggested tagging along, but he seems as excited by the idea as I am. And it will be our last time together for who knows how long.), but the conversation still seemed to wind back to the unmentionable, and I felt so lost as to what to say. I feel so much for him, but I can never find the words for it.

So a question… what are some of the best methods/words that you’ve found to comfort a friend? And in times of personal loss, what are some things that others have done/said that have made things if not better, then tolerable? I know that some of you have gone through incredibly hard times, and I’d really love some advice on how to be a better sympathizer and friend.

I love winter. I do. I get all excited over the possibility of walking in a snowstorm (much better than driving in one), or sitting wrapped in my fuzzy robe with a cup of cocoa in my hands. I even like the cold, if my feet are warm, which is a good thing, considering how the weather in Wisconsin is going to be brutal (you had to show those pictures, mrschimpf, didn’t you?). And honestly, I don’t really like summer — I hate being hot and I feel like I waste most of my energy moping around, whining about the heat.

That being said – the cold and snow here is not agreeing with my summer adjusted self. The skin of the sole of my feet have split (right across the blisters I developed from walking around Amsterdam, I might add) and I’m having a very difficult time walking. I can’t seem to get my feet warm, regardless of the number of socks I’ve put on and the toasty rice bag from the microwave seems to lose its heat the moment I take it from the microwave.

*sniff* I miss Africa…

And this is the first time that I’ve missed watching the Olympics. I haven’t even turned them on, since I missed most of the 16 days. I still have tapes at my parents home of the 1994 Olympics and after experiencing the Olympics here just four years ago, it’s a bit of a loss not being glued to the screen, admiring the athletes of their skill and grace that I completely lack.

I rarely do memes, but when you get one that is just so accurate… well, I couldn’t resist.

(And yes, I’m posting a ton today. I’ve been away from fast internet for a month! Deal. 😉 )

I’m not doing very well with the timing of the purchasing of music, if the on-line counter is anything to go by. I’m either under or over by at least 2000 songs. And since I’ve purchased more than $30 of music, I think this could turn pretty dangerous. There’s a reason that I don’t gamble!

After years of sleep deprivation and learning to fall asleep whenever I can (thank you med school!), I scoffed at the idea that I would be affected by jet-lag. My transition to Kenya time (which is in the same time zone as Moscow, Russia. How amazing is that??) was so smooth–I took my Ambien and slept like a log. I had a few days of some mild sleepiness for a few hours, but it passed very quickly.

I crashed mentally, absolutely exhausted, at around 5 pm yesterday (around 3 am in Kenya) and it was all I could do to keep myself awake until 10 (of course, I then got involved in checking my email so I didn’t actually go to bed until 11–addicted? moi?)… and woke up promptly at 5. The funny thing, is that the times really aren’t corresponding to my sleep cycle in Africa, so I’m not sure what’s happening.

I’ve been spending the morning surfing iTunes, because I’m bound and determined to be at least one of the 100,000 download winners (http://www.apple.com/itunes/1billion/) and since I only found out about it this morning, I have only a few chances left. I’m now the proud owner of the “Rob Thomas – iTunes Originals Album” and have been swooning listening to Rob talk about making sweet music all morning. I own 114 songs sung by Rob in one band or another. That tops Eva Cassidy (84), Loreena McKennitt (63), Fisher (61), and Carbon Leaf (51). Rob is not the most populous artist on my playlist, however. At 162 songs, Alan Parsons takes that award. 🙂

I have been out of the music world for quite some time, and I’m running out of ideas of songs to purchase (not to mention money). Suggestions of songs that I must, must have? New or old, it doesn’t matter. I just want a chance at a black nano!