So glad it’s Friday.

Yesterday was so unbelievably awful that I didn’t think today would ever come. Had finals yesterday, for the Nephrology block… So glad it’s over. I think I did really poorly.

Chris and I got in a fight right before the test–we were arguing about how to do an equation (I know, stupid), and I couldn’t see where he was coming from and we had already studied for three hours that morning… Nerves were frayed by that point, and after arguing whether milliliters or deciliters were bigger (yes, I know, stupid–and I was the one who was wrong, lol!) he finally just got up and, well, stomped off. I hate, hate, hate, hate fighting. I do just about anything to avoid confrontations, and I was so afraid that I had lost yet another friend that it made me sick. Needless to say, it took me a while before I was even able to read the questions clearly.

The test was brutal, too… I know I failed the physiology portion, there were questions that I had never even heard of the concepts. We’ll see about the organ system itself… And joy, I get to look forward to restudying this all in two months for the boards. Bliss!

Afterwards, I waited for Chris and, just with a look, everything was okay again, no apologies necessary. Neither of us are the kind who keep grudges. And, the way he acted, was exactly how I react too, so there weren’t any hard feelings.

One good thing: went swing dancing last night. I used to dance all the time, when I was a freshman/sophomore. I haven’t been for at least two years now… man, I’ve forgotten so much! I remembered the basic and not much else… I tried to do the basic for the Lindyhop or West Coast Swing (my favorite) and I couldn’t. I’ve completely forgotten how to follow a lead and I actually tripped on my own feet. I never was very good, not one of those that you looked at with envy at their gracefulness and poise, but I wasn’t that bad either.

There was a guy there who reminded me of my old dancing partner/friend/crush, Oliver. The way he moved was Oliver incarnate–the way he held his head, closed his eyes, moved his partner. It was rather eery. But why did I get a surge of something unpleasant, when my roommate Liz noted it and explained to the girl we went with that “James (the dancing boy) reminded me of an ex-boyfriend.” Vengeful!Me responded in my head: One kiss, one date does not boyfriend make.

Gah! Four years later, after I’ve completely exorcized all romantic attachments/thoughts/feelings to Oliver, — after I decided that he was just a friend and I was happy with that and then he completely abandoned our friendship — and I still feel like I’m in competition with her. I thought those demons were long dead.

I actually met a few guys, one or two with potential. Most conversations:

Guy: So, have you been here before?
Me: Yeah, I used to come all the time, but it’s been about four years.
Guy: Four years. That’s a long time.
(Silence as he ponders how old that makes me to be. Conversation is dead.)

Guy #2: So, are you going to school?
Me: Um, yeah, I’m in med school.
Guy #2: Med school, that’s really hard.
(Silence as he ponders how old that makes me and how brilliant I must be. Conversation dies.)

🙂 🙂 🙂 At least guy #2 didn’t say, “you must be so smart.” Or I would have stomped on his foot.

Ah, but I do so love to dance! I learned how to shag last night… Er… yes, name of a dance move…you hop on one foot, then the other… I swear!

Oh! And happy news! I’ve a semi-blind date this weekend to look forward to… Melissa (Chris’s girlfriend, who I absolutely adore and a first year) is setting me up with another first year. I’m excited. I won’t mention how long it’s been since my last date, but it’ll be a refreshing change. I know who he is by sight, but should I be concerned that Melissa describes him as a “jolly, like the Jolly Green Giant”? Jolly just isn’t a good descriptor for anyone.

I wonder how she described me to him….