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22nd January 2008

so happy

I love living viacriously through my friends joy. Congrats, valderie! I’m giddy with you!

I had a fabulous weekend. Even being on call on Saturday/Sunday. I admitted NO patients all day and all night, until 6:30 in the morning, so I got sleep. Plus I had excellent Indian food (yep, my chicken tikka masala was drastically different. Will have to continue with the experimenting) and hung out with CuteIntern and his team most of the evening. That’s the way that call night should go, but these are so very, very rare.

Yesterday, I hung out with some visiting friends. Michelle was a 4th year med student here last year and has been back in Utah doing her residency. We, along with my friend Sarah and her friends from out of town, went to the public museum and saw the Body Worlds exhibit, which was unbelievably fascinating. I highly recommend that if it comes to your fair city that you go and see it. It’s not at all grotesque for those of you who are squimish and it’s a beautiful look into the human body and the association between life and death. Man, have I forgotten my anatomy though!

We then went to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, which was excellent and then browsed around the mall. I did find a very cute skirt which I had to add to my ward.

It snowed here, around 6-7 inches yesterday and last night. I don’t know how I managed without a snowblower before. I awoke early this morning, went out and cleared my driveway and all of my sidewalks in 30 minutes. Sweet. It’d taken me 2 hours if I had had to shovel the entire thing.

Better yet, all of my clinic patients canceled today. Love the snow! Life is pretty wonderful, folks.

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16th January 2008

As this has been going around…

Most of these were written solely for Windows. I’m glad to finally get to participate!

Who comments the most on this journal?

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11th April 2007

be well, do good works, keep in touch

I realize that recently this journal has been rather short on details of my personal life. For that, I apologize.

One of my favorite blogs, Barbados Butterfly was recently taken down. She’s a surgical registrar in Australia, and apparently her administration found out about her blog and suspended her for a week. Gossip thinks that it’s because she violated patient privacy, my thought is that it’s more because she was criticizing the management and the training environment for surgeons. In any case, she’s now gone.

It certainly has made me wary about what I’ve said here in my journal. I’ve never identified my patients by name or even by disease, but I haven’t changed much of the other details, because part of the reason that I keep a journal is to react to those who influence my daily live, for good or bad. I don’t think I’ve crossed any HIPAA rules, but it certainly starts to make one a little more wary. I realize that I’m writing in a public forum; even though it seems so intimate and small, where I feel like I’m writing to my friends, but since most of my posts are public these days, I really know better. And that has curbed my tongue on what I might otherwise express. I’d post it as friends-only, but I know that there are some faithful readers who have yet to join LJ (it’s really easy, folks). So instead, I’ve blabbered on about more frivolous stuff, which I’ve really enjoyed doing. It’s nice escaping a little while into fandom and poetry, avoiding responsibility.

Things in RL haven’t been that exciting recently anyhow. RL ramblings

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21st February 2007

A call to Africa…

I dreamed about Africa the other night, that I was back in the hospital. It’s been just over a year since I came back. I was talking to Chris last night, who’s on his journey across the world again (I think he should have arrived in New Zealand now), and will be going to Kenya for a month in March, and I was trying to tell him about all of the people and the cultures…. and realized that I had forgotten. Names, mostly, of the people that I had met. They’ve come back to me now, after sitting here and scrouging around for the faces. Lenai. Shawn. Raj. Liz. Leigh Anne and Karla. Time moves so quickly, and before you know it even the brightest, most cherished memories begin to fade.

I’m almost 2/3rd of the way through intern year, and I am so tired. Bone weary. This is my fourth month of Q4 call, of admissions and discharges, of early mornings and long rounds, and I’m just tired. Not to mention, I got three emails, questioning my professionalism yesterday (they were directed at a group, not just me), that pissed me off. I had one of my clinic patient’s mom call and yell at me (I managed to remain logical, she calmed down and listened to me). I argued with a patient today. I’m usually very good with my patients, I try to be compassionate, but he started yelling at me the moment I stepped into the door, so I was much more blunt and hard than I usually am… and predictably, it did not go well. I left in the middle of another one of his tirades, just turned around and walked out. Didn’t apologize or nothing. πŸ™ Not good.

I miss traveling. One of the med neuro residents here just got back from a rotation in Zambia, where he worked in a neurology clinic, but really ended up doing everything that they asked for (the stories he tells of taking care of trauma patients after a bus accident!), and all I can think is “I wanna do that!” Make a difference, rather than just feeling like I’m the drug dealer for the patients with pain “crises” and serious drug addictions.

Chris left yesterday for another 3 month stent across the globe, this time to New Zealand and Australia, then to Kenya for the same rotation that I did, down to South Africa for an overland trip that sounds amazing, and finally to Ireland, where we’ll met up (with his parents. Did I tell you that development? I like his parents, they’re very nice people, but it’s already hard enough explaining to people that you’re going on vacation with your very platonic friend, without getting parents mixed in). Three whole months of traveling. Bet you couldn’t tell I was jealous. πŸ™‚

Speaking of Africa, this story is amazing: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070220/ap_on_re_af/running_the_sahara. I’ve been reading their blog at National Geographic (why did it not dawn on me that it would be a website as well), and it’s quite fascinating

And still speaking of Africa, would my dear African friends like to meet/host Chris for a few days while he’s down there visiting your country? He’ll be traveling in and out of Jo’berg Aprilish and in need of a good time and friendly faces. Obviously, I understand not rushing out to welcome people you don’t know and haven’t even “met”, and that you have jobs and real lives, but I figure I’d dangle a little carrot and remind melancthe that he’s pretty cute and see if she’d bite. πŸ˜‰

It is amusing me, however, when I picture explaining to him how I know you… and how you are aware of his existence. Yep, still haven’t “come out of the closet” with the blog to him. πŸ™‚ I guess this will really be my chance.

Okay, to bed. One of my precious days off tomorrow, and I will not squander it!

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11th February 2007

shout outs

Valerie! I got your postcard! *hugs* It so made my day, and your school looks so much fun.. Thank you! One day, I’ll actually get my Christmas cards out and reciprocate.

iTunes is carrying Friday Night Lights now…and the first episode is free, so I finally got to see the show that angel_grace and eponine119 have been raving about. I think I could easily get drawn in… I was getting into the game (and I loath football) and actually cried at the ending. Already have gotten attached to some characters (Coach and his family. The little sophomore quarterback) and hate some too (the drunk kid. Really rubs me wrong). Guess I’d better be adding this one to the DVD pile.

I was going to answer my interview questions, but they are making me think too much, so that will have to wait until tomorrow. I really need more sleep.

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1st January 2007

Year end, year begins… reflections

The year of 2006 is now dead, settled into his grave, as the New Year now takes over reign. But, as is my nature, I could hardly let him go without a eulogy.

Highlights, month by month (with pictures! Lots and lots and lots of pictures)

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13th November 2006

where can i get off

It’s always a delight to end one’s day at work at 9 pm (on a non call day), with just enough time to race home, eat something and post a little rant on the blog.

Knowning that you’ve got to be in bed by ten, so you can wake up and be at work by 5:30 to finish all of those patient progress notes that you never got to do today, because you were so busy writing orders and taking to social work about how one takes away power of attorney or discussing G-Tubes with GI or transferring very very sick patient from the ICU because there are people more ill than he, needing that bed…. only to have his oxygen saturation drop dangerously low and send me fleeing to his bedside, where we realized that even if he was suffering for what I thought he had (pulmonary embolism) I couldn’t check for it or even treat it. Just hoping that he makes it through the night.

Plus I have to see all of my patients, including the sick ones, have their notes written and have a plan before I go to clinic at 8. And discuss it with my other intern/medical student, so they can present it to the team. And then, I’ll spend the rest of the day completely lost on what exactly we decided to do, because I wasn’t there.

And did I mention that I behind on my dictations? Something like 15 dictations, since we’ve had such a patient turnover. And I’ve got 6 clinic patients notes to finish (plus the 3-4 that I’ll see tomorrow morning.) So there’s going to be a fair number more hours spent here.

Just in cause any of you were considering medicine…. don’t.

ETA: Special hugs to shirerain and bjorks_defender I know that it’s been very hard times for you and I haven’t been around or as supportive as I should have been. Know that you’re are in my thoughts and prayers and very close to my heart. {{{TIGHT EMBRACE}}}}

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28th August 2006

these elusive posts

I haven’t posted much this last month, have I?

It’s been a hard month in ways that have been difficult to put down on paper (er, virtual paper). Work has been overwhelming, in many ways. New hospital, new system, new attendings, new colleagues, and new service, as I’ve been working as a neurology resident this month, rather than medicine. Calls have been hard. Every fourth night, up all night, getting paged on three different pagers all at the same time over and over and over. Having an extremely busy service, which means less time to study and learn, so that I felt even more stupid than usual. Being 2 years since my last neurology rotation, so even though once upon a time, I actually knew this stuff inside and out, it’s gone now.

My first call night, I seriously reconsidered my decision to do neurology and internal medicine. Hated neuro, loathed the call, but I survived it.

I’ve had that thought a half dozen times now, and it hasn’t necessarily been a light hearted “I wonder if” kinda of thought. It’s been the “I wonder if I go and talk to the director, I can get out of this” kind of thought. It’s probably due to exhaustion. But I’m facing a 5 year stent of exhaustion and if I can’t handle the first months…

I’ve persevered and have decided that I definitely need more exposure (and rotations with a different resident, because I think my senior resident tainted my perspective) before really making the decision. But it’s never a good thing to find yourself in the middle of a life crisis–in the middle of responsibilities with no place to run.

And I don’t mean to suggest that all is bad. Far from it, I’ve had some excellent days. I have great patients right now and I’ve discovered that I still love wokring in the ICU and the ICU especially seems like the perfect place to combine neuro and medicine in the ways that I want… It’s more the thought of surviving the neuro residency which is much more overwhelming than I thought it was going to be. I was on call last night… we admitted 4 patients, had 3 consults (other services wanting our opinion on their patients), saw another patient and transferred them to another service, and admitted another to the NICU (neuro ICU). On top of this, I was taking calls from patients of the neuro attendings (who don’t have a freaking answering service, so it’s the extremely ignorant interns like myself who are fending calls on very complex patients), and managing the 30 or so patients on the floor and ICU. I’m getting more used to it, and I had an excellent resident to work with, who really made my workload easier. But I still filled up 2 of the 3 pagers, one of them I had to clean off twice.

Next month will be better. I’ll be solely in the NICU (part of the problem with this month is that the first part of the month I spent in the ICU and the second part I’ve been on the general neuro team. And they both require some adjustment!), and I won’t be taking call. AND, I have most weekends off. AND I have a week of vacation (9 days straight). Maybe that’s why I keep thinking it’s September, because, I really, really, really want it to be.

On a completely different subject…

I’m really in the mood for a layout change to my LJ. After seeing juno_magic‘s incredible lovely layout, mine has looked blah and uninteresting. But I don’t have time to (re)learn the CSS code and play with it, or design the background (still wanting Anne, just don’t know which one. Collage of Anne and Diana? Pretty PEI pictures? Mushy Anne/Gilbert? Autumn themed to get me in the mood?), which leaves me in this state of perpetual longing and frustration that I can’t figure it out. *sigh* Maybe that will be one of my vacation goals.

My raspberry bush is getting a second batch of fruit! Yay! I had fresh raspberries every day for the month of July, I hope that this batch last as long. Have I mentioned that it was the raspberry bush that convinced me that this place was supposed to be mine? It is such a delight to go out and pick the berries and plop them in my mouth–and then smile condescending to the poor saps in the grocery store who are paying $4 a carton for not as good berries (of course, when you think of it, I paid a LOT more for the privilege of mine, but I think there are other perks with my purchase. πŸ™‚ ) Next year, I’ll be planting strawberries, I do hope they do as well.

Anybody out there who has a webcam? And uses a PC? I’m trying to see if iChat will allow me to webcam with someone who isn’t using iChat, but still is on AIM. If you do and would be willing to experiment, let me know. Chris is talking about getting one and I gotta make sure that if he did, I could actually talk with him.

I’m needing a new computer. My dear Flower Power iMAc has been a faithful companion for five years now, but I’ve filled up just about all of the memory and she is starting to creak–I can’t burn CDs any more, except at a snail’s pace, web browsing is slow, etc. It’s also becoming an issue of incompatibility–the Internal Medicine dept. gave me a Pocket PC that is virtually useless, because I can’t get it to synch with my computer and unfortunately, the hospital is all PC based, and so I haven’t been able to access some programs that I had hoped to. I’ve been strongly tempted to get a MacBookPro, which would solve all of those issues with the duel boot capabilities, but it’s so expensive and I’d be saving my pennies for a long time before I could afford it. A little iBook I could get now and would for the most part do just great. Decisions, decisions.

And I think that’s the end of the update with my boring little life. Hope all is going well with you. I’ve missed my interactions with you, the little chats and mingling of our lives. You are all in my thoughts.


Online Friendship

The true friends who we meet online
are a very special kind
They pierce your shields and see within
the corners of your mind
They’re always there when you’re in need
with their power to discern
They feel your pain………..they offer hope
and genuine concern
We bare our souls, expose our hearts
and show our inner fears
and then before you know it
the keyboard’s stained with tears
And if we could see them through that screen
then no one could deny
that to be a TRUE online friend
they too must surely cry.

~Author Unknown~

(A wee bit sappy, but I had to share. And the sentiments apply to my RL friends, which I hope they know.)

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14th June 2006


You won’t believe what just arrived in the mail!!

My tea from claidheamhmor and melancthe!!

The postal worker looked awfully peeved at handing over the package, but it’s mine, it’s all mine!! I think the poor tea walked here from South Africa, it’s looking rather worn and tired, but I shall treat it well now.

I am so having a cup of rooibos tea right now!

*hugs Claymore and Mel* Thanks, you guys!

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15th September 2005

hugs to my friends

I love my flist. I really really do.

I know you guys are wanting the whole scoop on what’s happened, but I’m not able to find the words to describe the whole depth of the problem. Let’s just say that messing up chances for a letter of recommendation because of her stupidity, finding out that the other letter is somewhere in limbo and she’s got only a few days to find it (and nobody’s responding to emails), and realizing that she didn’t have a back up plan for anything, put Julia in a depressive funk that she hasn’t seen since the summer of 2001.

Right now, I’m scrambling to pick up pieces, eating humble pie and literally begging people to help me fix this. It’s not fun, and I’ve been in tears for the past two nights, knowing that I brought this on myself. One mistake brought the whole pile down…

On a positive note, I ran into my “arch nemesis” today, and we had our only friendly conversation in the last two years, since the infamous cafeteria blowup. It reminded me that at one time we were friends…. It was nice, and it gave me a niggle of hope.

And side note: Tay (fileg), have you been having problems responding to a journal? I’ve had difficulty once I click on, say an LJ-cut, and read the entry itself–it’s like my browser doesn’t recognize the HTML. No problems if I click to respond on my friends page view. Similar problems with you?

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2nd July 2005


Thanks to all of my wonderful flist for your support and caring. I love you guys. Really, truly.

I’m better. Sleep is a wonderful thing, as is resignation and realization. I studied harder for that test than I have all year long. I read up on every single one of my patients, on their diseases and how to treat them. I even relearned for the fifth time how to read EKGs and blood gases. I knew it–the basics, even crazy diseases. So I don’t know how 66% of everybody who took it did better than me, but it wasn’t for anything that I did.

And it’s just a grade right? *sigh*

I have to start applying for residencies this weekend–get my CV (curriculum vitae for those who don’t know–I didn’t until a few months ago) turned into the central processing place (oh joy), prepare my personal statement and get a list of three things that are “fantastic” about me to give to the Dean of the school, so that when she can write all kinds of wonderful things about me to send to the schools. Plus, I still have that research paper to work on, and I’m dog tending. So much for my holiday. Grr.

Went and saw War of the Worlds today. Hate contributing to opening weekend sales, especially after all of the Tommy fiascoes, but it was the one movie that Chris hadn’t seen and he owed me — that dog I’m housesitting? Yeah, he was supposed to take care of it, but he forgot and made plans to go to Jackson Hole. And did I mention that I’m not so fond of dogs?! The movie wasn’t so bad–properly intense in places and I was sitting on the head of my seat through a good portion of it. Melissa told me that sitting next to me with all of my gasps and freakouts made her more nervous than the movie did. The little kid’s screaming got very annoying very early on, and the ending felt rather abrupt and lackluster (although the explanation was cool). And Tom was rather flat… Sometime good, but eh.

Surgery rotation starts in four days. There are not words to describe how much I’m dreading this. I just about killed myself with two weeks! *pouts* So, I’ll definitely have to make some time for chatting on Sunday, because it’s going to be a long time before I get to do that.

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18th April 2005

I love this meme!

Yes, if I was a lemming, I’d jump off the cliff too–we’d have such a great time on the fall down!

Comment and I’ll tell you something I adore about you.
Afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal.

Anybody, even if you feel like we don’t know much about each other yet… There are reasons that you’re on my flist.

ETA: Ran out of time tonight. Will continue tomorrow, so if I haven’t gotten to you, be patient!

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13th February 2005

Picture collage

I’m the first one on my flist to do this!

User Picture collage

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19th May 2004

things always look better with sleep

*hugs f-list tightly* Have I told you all recently how wonderful you are? You Are Amazing.

Things are going a tiny bit better. Liz got an apartment last night, she’ll be moving out before the end of the month. Knowing that’s it’s inevitable has kinda made it a little easier. And I did tell her that I was sad about it. Hopefully, things will shift to normal again. And I need to get over feeling sorry for myself.

And I’m caught up on my reading! Of course, I understand nothing, but there’s a chance that I won’t fail the test on Friday. Next week’s tests are still debatable. πŸ˜› Still sick of school. Most recent fantasies have involved becoming a hermit in the hills. I can eat lots of Dinty Moore stew and wash in streams. Hey, since I haven’t had water in my apartment for the past two days, I’m almost used to that dirty feeling. πŸ™‚ No, just kidding. Ransacked my friends’ apartment to shower… I love showers. I love water.

And, yes, I did end up watching GG. Still blah. I honestly can’t believe that they pulled such a rating stunt. LL were cute, I’ll grant you that. And I love the townspeople. I’m hoping that Rory gets completely shunned by them forever.

Everybody’s already said everything… I think we’re all disgusted.

A few years ago, Liz and I were overcome with the urge to inflict all of the cast of Dawson’s Creek with a nice STD. One that would cause a great deal of pain and more importantly, make them all infertile… Yep, I’m thinking a nice STD would be just about right…

Well, it’s the end for me. I had agonized how I was going to manage to tape and watch it in my few brief moments of spare time next year, but I’m glad that’s one less thing for me to worry about. πŸ™‚

And to the three people who may have been interested (I already told Marissa), I think it very unlikely that I’ll be finishing Like Never Before. I have no desire to write Rory. None. I know that my Rory is completely different, she’s actually shows some maturity and self-awareness, but it would still require getting into her head and I don’t want to. On top of that, I’m completely stressed out (hmm, didn’t you guys know?) and don’t have the time to devote to it. I feel bad, because I did pretty much have it completely plotted out, but… So for now, it’s shelved. Maybe in a year, I’ll return to it.

I did write out the scene where Rory told Jess that she loved him–I wrote that months ago. It’s still a little fragmented, but if anybody would like to read it and get some kind of (good kind, I promise!) closure, just email me, and I’ll pass it on.

I don’t think I’m entirely done writing for GG. As upset as I’ve been, I do still love the *classic* show. I’ve got some ideas… a story that’s just phone conversations between Luke and Jess… showing Jess moving on and being happy…. how everybody came to Stars Hollow. Lots of Luke/Jess drabbles. Nothing for Rory, except maybe one where everybody spits on her.

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23rd January 2004

the real me

This is probably silly of me…

I was just thinking about my journal and the online friends that I have and it struck me… Most of you, I have no idea what you look like! It is strange, how the internet works, how we make close relationships, where we can talk about our interests in common and life in general, and yet we have no face to put to this other person on the other end. What does it do to our relationships? Are we more open with the faceless? With no fear of recognizing this other person in the real world, I can see how that might be true. Are we afraid that we will have to change our labels of people once we have a face? That they might not be the image of who we imagined them to be? I don’t know.

And then I wondered if you wondered what I looked like too.. So, silly me, I posted a few pics on the web for your viewing pleasure. I’m making this a friends’ only entry, hopefully to keep out the weirdo stalkers… Both of the pics are now a few years old. I have a bad habit of never finishing a roll of film. I wear contacts more now and less makeup…

— My best friend was getting married, and I was feeling left out (yeah, the whole thing was hard on me) so the two of us went out and took “pseudo-engagement” photos of the two of us. to celebrate the event and our friendship. Blame the fuzzy pic on her fiancé.. he took them

— Um, yeah. Not the most flattering pic of me, but it’s not like this is a dating thing or anything. It makes me laugh.

And if any of you are brave or willing, I’d love to see what you look like too… You can send pics directly to me at jcd1013@dsdf.org. I promise I won’t use them as blackmail. πŸ™‚

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19th January 2004


See the pretty icon shirerain made for me? I’m so excited!! Loreena McKennitt… how much I love her songs and this one is my favorite (iTunes tells me that I’ve listened to it 70 times (and that’s just since I ripped it back in September.)) I never know how to describe how I feel listening to it… It’s almost this feeling like a fairy tale has come true–something magical and mystical and beautiful revealed in my soul. There are times when I almost can believe in elves and fairies…

Lyrics to ‘Dante’s Prayer’

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    • Books read (July-September) October 2, 2022
      July:Struck By Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal. My last of Chris Colfer’s audiobooks and his first book. Not sure that a journal really was the best format, but I’m going to miss his voice.The Secret of Life: Rosalind Franklin, James Watson, Francis Crick, and the Discovery of DNA’s Double Helix. In honor of the 70 […]