New York = fabulous.

I conquered NYC. And managed to do it without meds, thank you very much. It helped that I saw and experienced most of it from a double-decker bus and ferry, but I still did it.

I did not get to see any Broadway musicals (it didn’t fit in to plans very well, was horridly expensive, and I hated Times Square so much that the thought of lingering there to try to grub for cheap tickets made me want to cry. Perhaps once it’s closed to automotive traffic, it’ll be more manageable (ha!)), nor any of the museums, so that will have to wait until next time.

I took 569 pictures. The majority of them are crap. Taking pictures from a bus means that I have lovely pictures of stoplights, and people’s heads as we were jolted around. The rest are exposed badly as I moved from shade to bright sunshine and didn’t always remember to correct.

Sam’s baby is delicious. Seriously contemplated sticking her someplace in my luggage, but then realized that since it was all carry-on, I’d be discovered before I made it very far.

All in all, a fantastic weekend. Too short as always.

Select photos can be found here and here

**
This weekend, I am visiting Susan and her own delicious child, Alice, and we are finally, finally going to go country dancing. Susan has also arranged a date for me (!!) with a guy who is excited about the prospect of english dancing(!?!!!), which sounds too good to be true, but I am optimistic nonetheless. And on Sunday night/Monday morning, my parents arrive in town for a week’s vacation. Which means I should have spent tonight cleaning rather than fussing with my pictures, eh?

Anybody out there know any good tutorials on how to figure out aperture, shutter speed, f-stops and ISO? So far, I’ve read Ken Rockwell’s tutorials on how to set up the Nikon D40 and how to use the different menus, which was very helpful, and Pioneer Woman’s tutorials, but I think I need a step-by-step explanation. What I’d really like to do is take a class through the college, but I have neither the time nor the money for that. So online it is.

I got some lovely pictures during my weekend with Susan:

but I’d like to learn how to blur the background more. And take better pictures of flying model airplanes.

Beuller? Beuller?

Thousand words right here.

From Visit with Susan

I’ve taken over 210 pictures in the last day. Mostly of the baby, who moves very fast and doesn’t trust me (I rather startled her this morning when she walked into the bedroom and found me instead of her mother), so there are a lot of blurred, blank stares. I promise that she does smile very becomingly at her parents who dote on her. There should be no question in this child’s mind of how loved she is. I’m going to try to experiment with family photos (and maybe repeat “engagement photos” with Suz and I. It’s been 7 years now, we’re due for another set) tomorrow. I can’t wait!

The day’s events included waking up to a breakfast of crepes, playing with the baby, going to eat at a Thai restaurant, where the mild green curry was definitely not mild, visiting every single Asian market in the area (4) looking for masaman curry paste (every store had a different fish odor), napping, eating homemade vindaloo curry and chocolate chip cookies, and going to the model airplane show, where I got even more blurry pictures (see the above masterpiece). Maybe I’ve a future in abstract art? There is a surprising number of middle-aged men who are into model airplanes, I was hoping for a slightly younger crowd. Had fantasies of meeting eyes across the controls and I’d become a airplane junkie, traveling the model airplane circuit in support of my special someone (kidding, just kidding).

Now, Suz and I are sitting next to each other on the couch, each blogging about our day. 🙂 For my part, it’s been just about perfect. Even the weather warmed up into the high 50s (luckily, since I accidentally left my winter coat at home) and has been gorgeous. Can I stay here forever, please?

Plans for this weekend:

• visiting the library
• going grocery shopping
• watching episodes of LOST
• getting Alice (the babe) to warm up to me (it’s been a few months since I last saw her, but maybe she’ll remember me?)
• taking pictures of the babe (first chance to really play with my camera. Could I ask for a better subject than a two-year old’s grin?)
• sewing my regency dress
• cooking and consuming delicious food
• E-fest amateur electric plane festival!! (a pylon race! helicopter crashes! combat! night-flying!)
• staying up way too late talking and opening up my heart
• remembering exactly why Susan has been my bosom friend for so many years (almost 12 years)

This was exactly what the doctor ordered. 🙂

I haven’t quite known exactly what my mood has been recently. Having all of the free time has not exactly been conducive to actual productivity. I’m so worn out and tired and somewhat depressed (despondent, I think would be more apt) that I haven’t done much for the past couple of days, but laundry and watching YouTube movies (Groundhog’s Day on Feb 2, course, North & South yesterday, and Jane Eyre today). I did get my antenna and digital converter set up, but that’s hardly an achievement as I have a Christmas tree still up and scattered stuff everywhere and dishes in the sink. I’m frustrated, a deep soul restlessness type of feeling, which is hard to define and harder to shake.

Chris got his fellowship position. The ending to his personal statement must have been better than I thought (or else they overlooked that due to the rest of his impressive resume, which, since I also helped him put together looks pretty good) and he’ll be going to Boston in June. For 2 years. I’ll be done with residency by the time he gets back. So much for having my friend nearby. I’m an emotional schizophrenic, wavering between ecstatic happiness (Boston! I’ve never been to Boston (in the fall)! Atul Gawade! We did it!) and moroseness. Usually the happiness wins out; tonight…

There is sunshine ahead. A weekend with Susan and her babe in two days (really just one long call day). A week of vacation  to Utah and Arizone in a month (I’ll be looking for tickets tomorrow). Presents from India. Glorious rays of sunshine. I just need to shake of the chill and clinging fog.

Winter and I are not friends this year. Not only did I spend hours on Friday shoveling my car out and snowblowing my paths, it then snows another five inches and has blown for the past 24 hours to the point I can’t see any of the sidewalks anymore. I have to be up at 6 tomorrow to give myself time to shovel again before work.

Susan posted about the ball and all of the fun that she had on her blog. Isn’t she beautiful? I’m still very wistful at the lost opportunity.

My weekend wasn’t that bad. Erica came over yesterday, we did some last minute shopping at Target, got some yummy noodles and then sat down to watch the 5 hour version of Pride and Prejudice (swoon). I wrote out some of my Christmas cards (they’ll probably be mailed on Tuesday, so won’t be arriving until after Christmas) and then tried to piece together the pattern I had bought for the dress. Since it was a last minute decision, I had bought the pattern online as an instant downloaded pdf, which I then printed out to tape together. It was a nightmare getting everything straight and aligned and in the end, not only did I discover that the last row had gotten off alignment, I had only printed off the pattern for skirt– I still had the entire bodice pattern to tape together. At this point, we finished the movie and ran to Walmart to buy the commercialized version. Much easier to deal with.

I’ve since washed the fabric and poured over the instructions. Tomorrow (after work) I hope to start on the bodice toile: cut out the pieces for the bodice lining and fit it to the right size. It’s going to be hard doing it without an assistant to pin but I haven’t found anybody here who had a mother who insisted that they learn to sew as I had (I appreciate it, Mom).

I’m glad that I switched patterns, by the way. The original pattern sized up by 2 sizes from what I normally wear; it was quite distressing. The new pattern is more accurate.

I’ve been really getting into sewing and quilting blogs recently. Two of my favorites are actually surgeons: Suture for a Living and The Stitching Surgeon. Both of theirs tend to showcase their creations rather than providing tips or patterns, but it certainly has hit that little creative bug that has been dormant since high school.

And now I’m off to bed. 6 is going to be coming very very early.

It snowed approximately 12-14 inches here, I think, based on the amount of snow that I had to trudge through when I came home post call. The roads around my house had not been plowed (although my alley had. Bless private businesses!) and I got stuck about three times before someone came behind me in a jeep and pushed me out. I then went and parked on the main street, waded back through the snow and cleared out my garage and sidewalks. By then (2.5 hours later), more cars had been through, packing it tighter, and I was able to slide my car into my garage. I’m not sure that I could get out at this point.

I was supposed to drive to Illinois tonight. Even with all of the set backs from my furnace disaster, I sitll looked forward to the weekend of sewing and dancing; Susan had recruited a seamstress friend to help with making the bodice of the dress, thus guaranteeing that it’d be done in a day and I had visions of lingering touches and smoldering eyes. I kept those dreams alive as I fervently rounded and staffed my patients this morning. And then I arrived home and confronted the wintry mess from which the hospital walls had protected me and read that not only was there still a winter storm warning out, it was extending throughout the weekend, creating blizzard conditions and icy roads. So we canceled our plans; I’m completely bummed.

I’m still going to try making the dress tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have a new dress for church on Sunday. I’ve got plenty to keep me busy: set up my antenna for digital TV, update my blog to 2.7 so I can finally release it to the public, laundry (always laundry), clinic notes and evaluations, five hours of Pride and Prejudice to watch (if I can’t dance, I’m at least going to get into the spirit), etc.

Right now, though, I’m so exhausted and depressed, I think I’m making it an early night.

(posted the next day, because I fell asleep.)

I’m in such a tizzy. If you’ll remember, in my last entry, I mentioned that I am going to a Christmas ball. With English country dancing like this:

I’ve been very excited since I heard about the possiblity of a ball, but I had mostly reined it in. Until Susan posted on her blog about how excited she was and how she was thinking about trying to shop for a new dress for the occasion, which of course set me off looking for regency gown patterns all afternoon while I waited for ABGs and EKGs for my sort-of-sick-but-not-really patient. And I found a darling pattern that doesn’t seem like too much trouble if we keep things simple. Short sleeves. No overdress or stays or chemise this time.

Susan’s going to try to recruit some of her friends to help her out down there. If they can, then hopefully she’ll work on her dress this week. I’ll buy material tomorrow for mine, cut it out here and we’ll sew it when I arrive on Friday/Saturday (I’m unfortunately on call Thursday night, so won’t be able to work on it. Unless I drag along my sewing machine, which will just taunt the powers that be to send me every crashing patient in the state. No thanks). We’ve had to sacrifice the opera to make it work, but if I have a ball gown to make up for it? Totally worth it.

I’m spending Christmas here in Milwaukee this year. I’ve got Christmas day off, but have to work Christmas Eve and am on call the next day, so travel was out of the question and having family come out here is ridiculous. So I’m having my own celebrations. This weekend, I’m driving down to Illinois to see Susan and her family; Suz and I are not only going to see the Metropolitan Opera, we’re going to a English Country Christmas Ball, where we’re going to learn how to dance like a Jane Austen character. Susan states that there were a few cute, single gentleman at the previous dance, so I am very eagerly awaiting the festivities. *SQUEE* So much fun. I may have to break out the satin gloves.

On Christmas, another friend, who is also geographically family-less, is planning to come over for a mini Christmas celebration with present opening and a yummy breakfast. I haven’t decided what yet, but pumpkin pie is somehow going to be involved. The afternoon will either be spent at one of the nursing homes with people who haven’t family (I see so many of them in the hospital; they break my heart) or serving somewhere; I feel somewhat anxious in the need to be there for someone who is also lonely this Christmas. There is so much need in the world but I’m trying to do the pitifully little that I can. I’m listening to the Christmas devotional and have been so touched by Pres. Monson’s talk:

The message from Jesus has been the same. As we follow in His steps today, as we emulate his example, we will have opportunities to bless the lives of others. Jesus invites us to give of ourselves. “Behold the Lord requireth the heart and an open mind.” Our opportunities are indeed limitless, but they are perishable. There are hearts to gladden, there are kind words to say, there are gifts to be given, there are deeds to be done, there are souls to be saved. Is there someone for whom you should provide service this Christmas? Is there one who awaits your visit? … During this season, hearts that are confined reach out and long for a Christmas visit…

There is yet time this year to extend a helping hand, a loving heart, and a willing spirit. In other words, to follow the example set by our Savior and to serve as he would have us serve.

I think the anticipation of the coming weeks is going to be my saving grace. I’m beyond burnt out. I worked 11 hours today; I went to work early so that I could get done in time for church, because it was the Christmas program and ending up not leaving until after five p.m. I feel like I’m living the subtitle of Doctor Strangelove: “How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.” Hysteria is shortly to follow, I’m certain.

My holiday cards have been delayed until later this week, so if you’d like to get on the bandwagon, there’s still time. Email me with your address. 🙂

Alice, my friend Susan’s little girl (she’s 18 months ago), is still learning the intricacies of the human language. Julia is much too complicated to say, so now that she’s warming up to me, she calls me “Ya Ya” (my nickname from my childhood when my younger sisters couldn’t say Julia either.

Spending one’s 30th birthday with a toddler is the perfect way to make one feel young again. 🙂

I am in a really happy mood right now.

All of the patients for clinic this afternoon showed up early and since I was gone to the neurology business meeting for lunch, by the time I came back they had all been seen (or not shown up) and my attending basically waved me away. A whole afternoon off. I love this rotation!

I finally got the bookcase and water bottles out of my car. Yeah for better gas mileage! Tomorrow I’m vacuuming the entire thing out and washing the windshield. Baby’s gonna sparkle.

I got more leaves swept (gutters are still full).

Chris just called, he’s got the weekend off and I’m going to Madison on Sunday to see him! I need to find someone to teach my sunday school class (anybody itching to discuss the law of chastity to a bunch of single adults? Yeah, didn’t think so), but that should be the only glitch. I haven’t seen him for more than a few, brief hours in months, so I’m really excited about the prospect of an entire day. I’ll get to see his new apartment, eat some kind of exotic food and just catch up.

I am relishing the thought of sleeping in tomorrow.

I had pumpkin frozen custard last night, which was phenomenal. THis really is the best time of year, ever.

In just a week, Susan and her family are coming for a weekend visit. Suz and I are going to the opera! And then we’re having an early Thanksgiving/birthday celebration with lots of mashed potations and pumpkin pie.

I’m doing great with my NaBloPoMo goals, haven’t missed a day yet. How are you guys; I hope I’m not boring you all too much! (I have noticed that as my posting has increased, the blogging of many of my friends has decreased… Hmm. A scientific correlation, perhaps?). NaNoWriMo has, as expected, fallen drastically short of the mark, but I’ve really come a long way in brainstorming ideas and plots and characters so it might be something that I can continue to pursue.

And to top it all off, there’s this:

I love Doctor Who and can’t wait for Christmas. 😀

A few months ago, when Milwaukee weather had performed its usual trick of warming up to 35 degree thereby melting and then snowing 6-10 inches that evening, I came home from work and … slid into my garage doorway, knocking off my side-view mirror (me and my garage do not get along very well, as the scrape along my front headlines will attest). *sigh*

Anyway, having learned from previous experience (*ahem*) that the mirror can be replaced by taking apart the car door, rather than going to an auto shop, I purchased the part and today, in a misguided effort to flirt (um, I don’t seem to be learning from those past experiences), persuaded my friend to assist me in installing it. I went over to his apartment and we took apart the car door in his parking lot (where I discovered that it’s a freaking small world after all). He had to pick up a friend, I got into my car, attempted to roll the window back up… and it wouldn’t move more than halfway. I fussed with it a bit but couldn’t figure out my screwdriver (it’s one of those that ratchets around and switches directions and I couldn’t figure it out how). By then my friend had long left, so I drove home, found other screwdriver and took apart my door, took off the mirror, found the problem and fixed it and then reassembled the door, after figuring out how the screwdriver works as well. Yay for me!

I had to get it fixed today because tomorrow, I’m driving down to Urbana Illinois to spend a couple of days with Susan and her family. I’m so excited! It’s a long drive, however, and I’m already exhausted today from being post call and not getting a chance to nap (laundry and dishes and chatting on the phone), so I’m headed to bed soon. I live such an exciting life.

I finished another month of rotations this morning. It was a busy call, we capped (admitted the maximum # of patients) by 4:30 yesterday, so the rest of the day was spent tucking everybody in and checking on my interns. I got to “talk” to the Pleth during our monthly book club meeting, which was lovely. And then I got sleep. I like sleep.

Overall, it was good month. I learned to trust my instincts and training. I learned how to be a “hands off” resident, which after my month in February where I fretted over my interns all of the time was something that I needed to perfect. I gave a kickbutt presentation on examining comatose patients and didn’t even let the fact that my pictures didn’t load stop me (I just pointed at the blue screen and said “here you would have seen a picture of me and my giraffe friend, Daisy. We were so close, that here in this next picture, you would have seen me make out with Daisy”, etc. I amuse myself). I had fun complaining about our lack of responsibility (which was frustrating at the same time as being enjoyable) with the other residents, who are some of my favoritest people ever. I liked my interns and medical students and more importantly, I liked working with them because they were competent and diligent and made my life easier. I enjoy every afternoon that I had off, basking in the sun (and snow) and catching up on some little things that I needed to do (haven’t gotten to the taxes yet. Must do taxes on Monday!!).

I’m always a little sad at the end of a month, even during the hardest and most exhausting, because I hate leaving the people behind. And it is harder when I’m changing from the internal medicine department to neurology as I am this month… not just because I’ll be going from being the senior and being semi-in-charge to the “junior” resident (intern-in-everything-but-name) and taking orders and writing daily notes and long H&Ps and all of the scut work, but also because neurology is ten times harder than medicine and I’ve gotten used to sleeping on call, having only one pager that I have to answer, etc. *sigh* It’ll be a long 3-6 months, but it’ll be good for me. I hope.

Life has been super busy and super boring. I think it’s all because super cute intern has moved on to greener pastures and I’m mourning. 🙁 While it may not have been true love, it was definitely TrueLust and made the entire month survivable and entertaining. The intern who replaced him is a girl and therefore not interesting.

CuteIntern’s facebook profile reads this: “Custom has made dancing sometimes necessary for a young man; therefore mind it while you learn it, that you may learn to do it well, and not be ridiculous, though in a ridiculous act.” Soulmates. Srsly. (Or not).

In more news, I have not talked to DateBoy since said date. I’m thinking about calling DateBoy and inviting him to my house for Thanksgiving dinner, which may be the most forward thing I’ve ever done. Or not, because I keep changing my mind.

I’ve put on weight this month because of all of the stress. And the easily available candy at the nurses station. I haven’t worked out in a month. So much for the plan to be down ten pounds for Christmas, so I could finally, finally have a vacation without my mother mentioning how unhealthy I look.

I’ve had some very difficult patients that I’ve had to deal with that have sucked compassion out of me. I’ve realized that I hate treating migraines. But to make up for it, I’ve had 3 of the loveliest patients, including two who have made a romantic out of me again, because they (and their spouses) have proved that true love really exists.

My next day off is Thanksgiving, which happens to be my birthday. I haven’t had a day off since the 28th of last month. I get four days off in a row to make up for it. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to come back.

I’ve been on call every Tuesday except one since the last week in September. Tuesday is clinic day, which means I have to see all of my patients before 8. Since I really shouldn’t be in before 7 (therefore, having enough time to go to noon conference the next day and not break the ACGME 30 hour rules), it makes the morning incredibly hectic. What makes them even more fun: all of those Tuesdays, except for one, my team has been post call. So I have to hurry through clinic (where I always get behind), race through lunch, so that I can go upstairs and admit the 3 ER patients, learn about the NICU transfers, follow up on the stuff that the other intern wasn’t able to complete, write my own patient notes that I didn’t get to do in the morning, discharge the half dozen patients of the intern’s (because my patients are all rocks which I collect) and then start getting pages every 30 seconds on 3 different pagers. Yeah, I loathe Tuesdays. Only a year left of clinic!

The best part: I’m still on call every Tuesday until the middle of December. And every weekend except Thanksgiving.

I’m still trying to remember why I loved neurology. I think I need to see David Renner when I go home so that I can be reminded. It’s probably pathetic that when prospective interns come and interview here, I end up gushing about Utah more than the program here.

Susan and Bobby and Allison are coming for Thanksgiving. I’ll be cooking something delicious, I hope. Should I ask DateBoy or is that really weird? I think I need more furniture if I do.

I spent the evening reading old Gilmore Girls fanfiction. Mostly general stuff, featuring townies, and it made me realize once again what a brilliant, wonderful show it once was.

I’m going to the opera next week with two of my girlfriends, Kristen and Erika. The Merry Widow. I was very excited when I first heard about it, because from the radio ads, it sounded like it was the translation that I fell in love with in high school. Alas, my sleuthing has proven that it is not so (although I think it’ll be better than the San Francisco version), but I’m still ecstatic about it. I’m dressing up. I can’t wait.

I’m also having a painting party involving my living room next week as well right before the opera. Need to clean the place before before then, I think. And I need to buy paint. And moth balls.

I’m totally addicted to this blog and have wasted away more of my evening reading her archives and laughing so hard I almost started vomiting.

I’m going to be 29 in 2 weeks. And I think that’s enough to stop any more random musings.

Time arrived: 8:45.
Baby awake and crying. Parents frazzled, as had 4 hours of sleep night before.
Time baby sound asleep, in her crib, no longer needing rocking: 9:30.
Has baby woken up since? NOPE. 😀

My job here is finished.

The year of 2006 is now dead, settled into his grave, as the New Year now takes over reign. But, as is my nature, I could hardly let him go without a eulogy.

Highlights, month by month (with pictures! Lots and lots and lots of pictures)

I think only doing one post a month like my last would be a good idea. That was hard work! But I am trying to get more into the creative writing again, and one of the books that I was reading suggested making your journal entries into stories. And I’m always amazed at the bloggers who manage to do just that (check out Barbados Butterfly, a surgical registrar from Australia as she tells the story of her early days in the residency. I wish I could write like that.)

My vacation has been wonderful so far. Alas, I am already halfway through my 9 days off, and I hate seeing the moments of time creep away. My best friend, Susan and her husband came and visited me over the weekend and we had so much fun. I showed off my little city, which they liked far more than Chicago (score for me!), and promised to come back and visit soon. We visited a bakery, which promised an elaborate tour and consisted of standing outside of a window, while a woman described what went on inside. It lasted 5 minutes. We also visited the Jelly Belly factory, which turned out to not so much be a factory, but a warehouse. The tour consisted of riding a train around the perimeter of the warehouse and watching a video. Even the promised giant jelly belly beans and the animated dancing jelly belly were less than advertised, and by that point, I was willing to accept mediocrity. But I did walk out with pounds of Jelly Flops, which made it all worth it.

It was wonderful being around Susan again. Since she moved to Illinois, our visits have been much more infrequent, and I have feared that the distance and time would have weakened our friendship (I keep meaning to do a longer post about me and my history to illuminate some of the reasons for my insecurities. Maybe that will become my next journal entry essay), but that hasn’t been the case. We manage to pick up right where we left off. We’ve both changed in the years–I’ve known her for nine years now, but we’re still as close. And it’s taken a few years, but her husband and I are pretty good friends now, too. 🙂

I’ve missed her a lot today.

Today, I just lounged. I need to do laundry and dishes now and actually pack. Bah.

Tomorrow, I’m headed to Pennsylvania for the wedding of another best friend, Sam. I actually get to play bridesmaid–all of my other friends have married sans bridesmaids. *pout* I’m so excited. (The dress, btw, came back from the tailor. While it still isn’t perfect, it at least fits (mostly). Now to get the shawl to behave!) Quite a few of my wonderful friends will be there, Brooke, Liz, Laura, and it promises to be just like old times, before the boyfriends and husbands and children. I can’t wait!

And Monday, bright and early, I’ll return to work. I’m excited to be back to the NICU for one last week, but I can’t say that I’ve missed it at all this week. Maybe if the vacation had been longer…

Oh, the Comfort
The Inexpressible comfort of feeling
Safe with a person
Having neither to Weight Thoughts not Measure Words
But pouring them all right out
Just as they are
Certain that a faithful hand will take and
Sift them
And with a Breath of Kindness
Blow the rest Away

~Dinah M. Craik~

To get ready for the family invasion that will happen tomorrow, I’ve been trying to clean my apartment, which as always has turned into a massive project, since I’m trying to make it a “packing adventure” as well. It’s ugly and painful and I don’t know when I’m going to get it all done.

I’ve been going through all of my papers, which since I’m a pack rat is basically everything except for school notes since college–bills, bills, random reminders, med school orientation stuff. Most of it is junk (I’ve already filled three garbage bags of just paper), but there have been some forgotten gems that I’ve lingered over.

The best part is that I’ve discovered all of the letters and cards and wedding announcements sent to me over the years. Mission letters from AnnaJune, Michelle and Liz. Random letters that Sam would write when she was bored in her law school classes, decorated with whatever doodles came to her mind. The exchanges back and forth by Susan and I during church, written on whatever scraps of paper we could locate (we were so bad!). The emails between Chris and I on our different trips–he in Ghana, me in Guatemala, me in Africa. Cards and postcards for every occasion from Donna. The epistles (in every sense of the word) from Brooke, detailing in old-fashioned prose the adventures of her life.

When my best friend Susan got married four and a half years ago, I went through a similar period as what I’m feeling now. We had been best friends since starting college, and had been roommates for just a few months–the same time frame that she had been dating her future husband. That summer, our friendship suffered. I’ve never spent so much time in tears. Every evening, after everyone had gone to bed, I would sit on my porch and cry for my loss. I was feeling neglected and lonely and completely at loss as to how our friendship would survive. One day, about six weeks prior to the wedding, I came home discouraged, opened up the door to my room and found myself in a white cloud. Susan had taken all of her left over wedding invitations and had hung them up all over our room, so that they brushed my cheek and hair as I walked in. It was a cheesy gesture (I’m sure you’re all groaning), but it meant the world to me, to know that she truly loved me. Today, I found all of the invitations and the string that I had saved from that day, with scraps from her wedding dress, and those memories came flooding back.

It put last night into perspective. Because while I fret and worry and dread the upcoming changes, I am surrounded by people who love me, who have been my faithful friends for many a year, whose love and affection will be with me always. There will be people that tomorrow will be the last that I ever see them and that will be okay, but there will be many more who somehow will remain an indelible part of my life and whose warmth and love I will never forget.

When I get into the pits of despair again, as I am sure that although I am resolved now to remember and focus on the happiness in my life, I will likely sink into the “woe is me” attitude again, perhaps this will be reminder of how blessed I truly am.

Am back. Am tired. And cranky. Don’t like airports. Will write more later after blessed sleep.

Love. Peace. Happiness

AM CURRENTLY ON VACATION IN ILLINOIS STOP IN GOOD HEALTH AND SPIRITS STOP HAVE SEEN MANY STATUES OF LINCOLN STOP INDIANA IS CENTER OF UNIVERSE STOP AMISH COUNTRY NOT PARTICULARLY INTERESTING IN JANUARY STOP HUGS TO ALL INTERNET FRIENDS STOP MISS YOU STOP WILL WRITE MORE IN FUTURE STOP

LOVE ALWAYS JULIA STOP

🙂 *hugs*