This has been a rather sucky Memorial Day.

I invited friends over for dinner/hang out early this week. Two people responded. One was on call, the other was post call and would come over if she woke up on time. She hasn’t called, so I’m assuming she overslept (I do the same post call, so I can’t blame her).

There was a big party and BBQ on the lake today with my ward and when my plans fell through, I decided that this would be fun to go to. Until I took one step outdoors and realized that my eyes are not healed enough to face the sun. They feel slightly better, the eye drops are helping. But I won’t be able to wear contacts tomorrow and will have to go to work with my freakish glasses. 🙁 Seriously, people, they’re ugly.

I didn’t get called in this weekend, so I guess it’s something, but I’m still bitter that because of this pseudo call, I didn’t get to go and see Susan or Allison or just get out of town. I barely left the house. Blah. My last weekend free until July and I wasted it. No, it really was nice vegging around the house. I arranged all of the pictures on my computer (and ate up every bit of free space I have), so that they’re ready for uploading. And I watched “Shall We Dance?” which was just the right amount of sappy angst to do me good (and hey, I recognized some of the Chicago stuff!), so it wasn’t all bad.

I’m sorry for the negative posts recently. I’m not sure exactly why I feel like I’m on the edge of depression… It’s something I can get out of easily and I know that I’m not clinically depressed, just something that I tend to slide into. I’ve had a lot of pressures and stresses that I didn’t think I’d have to deal with. Money problems. Lots and lots of money problems. I had to take a loan from my parents twice in the last four months. And I’m supposedly so independent. I’m barely making it from month to month. And I’ve gone closely through all of my expenses. Besides my trip to Ireland (which was paid for by the nice tax return from the federal government and thanks to the Wisconsin IRS who have decided that they don’t need to give me my refund for 12 weeks, wasn’t enough), I have gone out to dinner twice, bought groceries once, and bought a book (Better by Atul Gawande, which was IMHO, even better than his first book. Unfortunately, it became Chris’s as a graduation present. I so wish I could have gotten it signed!). And that’s it. The rest of it goes to mortgage, heating/electricity bills), phone, internet, and student loans. Oh, yes, the student loans, they’re killing me. The kicker – I apparently make too much to be considered for a deferment. I don’t have enough money to get my car’s oil changed and maintenance work done. You’ll notice that cable tv isn’t on there, at first I just didn’t want the inconvenience I was finally starting to feel that I might make it, if I could just survive until the first of July when I get a bonus… and got the $500 bill for my house insurance. Oh, did I mention the $1000 I have to pay in July for licensing and to take Step 3?

I love my house. Lovelovelove it. And I think that in the end that it’ll be a financial benefit. But right now, I can’t think without a little bit of longing of the cheap apartments that I could have had. I’ve considered getting a roommate. But Wisconsin has this law, where not only do I have to report the money that that person would pay me for rent, they also get the tax deduction. So I’d get screwed twice, and I don’t think that that it would benefit me at all.

*sigh* It’s making my head hurt. I am not a math person (I didn’t know what a happy prime was!). I am not a financial person. Have I mentioned recently that I hate money? If any one has any solutions, I’d be glad to hear them!

On a related note (at least in my head, don’t worry if you don’t get the connection), I think I’m going to start a spirituality/religious filter for some of my posts. Mostly because this is stuff that I don’t want the random person to read it and misunderstand (not that really prevents me from anything, but religion has always been extremely personal to me) and because I don’t want to become a preachy blog and subject it on people who would rather not read it on a daily occasional basis. That being said, it’s open to any and all who are interested, especially you guys; I envision it as a place where you can ask me questions about my beliefs and I can just blather. And if it’s just me, hey, I suppose I could get used to the private diary thing again…. *snort* This does mean that Liz and AJ who I know read my blog, and anybody else out there in Lurkdome would actually have to get a LJ to read those. My evils plans will work, I tell you!

Okay. To bed. Hopefully, tomorrow, my eye will feel magically all better.