You know what’s more disheartening than find out the guy you crushed on throughout medical school is now married? Finding out, now, that he’s a democrat and a supporter of Barack Obama. DRAT. Single democrat Mormon guys are so exceedingly rare, that if I had realized, I really would have tried to pursue much more than I did. 🙂 (Okay, that might have been an impossibility, save me throwing myself on the hearth and refusing to leave until he dated me)

Actually, I am ecstatic for him and not upset about his nuptials. I had gotten over the crush a long time ago and she seems very nice and just right for him.

But, oh, the lost opportunity.

****

I fly out to Utah tomorrow for a week of vacation. My parents were supposed to come out here, so we could work on my house, but my sister had surgery and is less mobile than anticipated. So instead I’m going home, where I hear that it’s hotter than blazes. Meanwhile, the weather here has been gorgeous for the past 2 weeks–an occasional downpour and then 60-70s with blue skies.

I’m excited to go home. I’m hoping to work on some projects such as transferring my blog (more to come), scanning family pictures, making DVDs out of some beloved VHS tapes that are wearing thin, BBQs, etc.

In the meantime, my ward had planned on coming over and helping me with my place as well. As there was something like 23 volunteers, they’ve decided to go ahead with it, so I’m leaving instructions on what needs to be done. Hopefully, I’ll come back to a smashed up sidewalk, a ditch that runs to front yard, bleached walls and patched window sills. I’m overwhelmed at the thought of all of the help–I know I couldn’t have done it on my own.

In any case, I need to get to bed. Have a lovely 4th, all of you!

My parents and sister will be arriving either early this morning or sometime tomorrow. I have my entire house to clean and arrange and basically unpack (it takes some of us a while… like a year).

Am I?

Nope. Instead, I’m doing fun memes like this. I did this one two years ago, but my friendslist has changed enough that nobody is recognizable anymore. And I must say, even though I went on a friending spree and added a whole bunch of lovely Dr. Who enthusiasts *waves*, they didn’t overwhelm it quite as much as I thought they were going to.

Pictures of my LiveJournal Friends

The year of 2006 is now dead, settled into his grave, as the New Year now takes over reign. But, as is my nature, I could hardly let him go without a eulogy.

Highlights, month by month (with pictures! Lots and lots and lots of pictures)

I posted an end of the year reflection thing…. but the pictures were ginormous. So it’s privatized now and as soon as I can I’ll edit them smaller.

In the meantime, Happy New Year! I hope yours is filled with peace, love and joy.

*HUGS*

Is anybody else having problems with their journal layout? I’ve lost all of my customizations and styles, and have for some reason reverted back to the plain blue generator style. If I have to go back and figure all of that junk out again, I will not be happy.

Bah, it looks so blah.

I really need to get to bed. My paper? Did not get done. Between the extra long therapy session, waiting 45 minutes to get photocopies of pictures for my graduation announcements, waiting another 45 minutes at the doctor’s office to get my PPD read (which of course, I could tell it was negative, but until I get those little initials behind my name in one week, I can’t actually CERTIFY that it was negative–which also means, btw, that I did NOT catch TB in Africa so yay for me!), and the last med school party ever, well… it didn’t get done. *sigh* Which means, I’m going to have an extremely busy day tomorrow.

The party was a good time. Every year, we do a spring BBQ (the meat is well done, so I don’t think it qualifies as a brai) in the park. Every year, there are more and more children running around, being passed around. Our class has been very prolific. It was smaller in attendance this year though, which saddened me a little. I did get a chance to look at the $100 yearbook, which looked very nice with its fuzzy red cover. My parents bought a little ad for me, saying how proud they were of me, which I had not expected. I was a cute kid. 🙂 There weren’t any group pictures of me. At all. I hadn’t realized that I was so asocial during med school. Or so left out.

We’re stopping with that line of thought. It’s just depressing me.

One nice story… one of my classmates was asking about my surgery and mentioned that she almost came in on the case… and then continued to say that she had worked with my surgeon on some orthopedic cases and he had talked about me and “thought the world of [me]”. As I think the same of him, and have strived very hard to impress him and as he was half of the motivation of why I decided to become a physician, it was definitely one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. *hugs my doc*

And I’m out.

Bride for Sale! Ooo! Pretty Julia!

Arrr, maties, tis ye ol’ sea wench, hear to remind ye, that this day dar be “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, so ye scum bett’r be a’growlin’. Best ya smartly visit this here site and learn’d you Piratey lessons or risk bein’ a lubber.

🙂

Just an excuse to post really, but I’m so glad that I actually caught it this year!

Things are going better. With Chris’s help of connecting me to the right secretary (never underestimate the power of an excellent secretary) and much groveling, begging forgiveness and promising to not let my responsibilities slip again, I managed to salvage (I think) my letter of recommendation. I have a bad feeling that it won’t be so full of praise and gushings as it would have been a week ago, but I’m settling for what I can get. Hopefully, it’ll be enough.

I had an excellent weekend. Friday night was the annual All-School Picnic. Hard to believe that I’ve now attended my last picnic– I felt old there, the old model about to be phased out. I didn’t have any interest in meeting the first years, when in years past, I had a great time meeting new people. I did have an unexpected encounter with a particular crush, which, as always, occurred when I was not prepared for even the possibility, and therefore left me feeling awkward, unsocial, unattractive, and blah. And yes, since I am now in full denial mode and have imagined it away, we’re keeping it vague. But you can probably all figure out who anyway (and the picture below should have left no doubt!) Bah.

I spent much of the rest of the weekend with Chris. After not seeing him for more than about an hour for weeks, it was like old times and I just had a great time. I’ve really missed my friend. His life is more and more drifting away from mine–I found out that he’s moving in with his fiancee and future in-laws in a week, something that he neglected to tell me–and in just a few short months, we’re going to be thousands of miles apart. So we hung out with friends Friday night after the picnic (and managed to avoid talking about medicine for two and a half hours! A record!) and went shopping together at the outdoor store garage sale (I bought a tent! Whee!) and went to two movies on Saturday, Just Like Heaven (very cute. Sappy of course, and the medical parts of it made me groan, but I was a sucker for it) and An Unfinished Life (which would have been greatly improved by the absence of JLo. And Ellie shirerain: Your boy was in it! Of course he played the wife-beater villain and had a sneer on his face much of the time, but I can see a little why you like him. 🙂 Damian looks a little like Seth Green. Hopefully this will mean that there will be more pics around of him for you!). It was such a blast and just what I needed to recharge my batteries a little.

It’s my last week on Peds Neuro. I’ve really enjoyed working with the kids, but it has confirmed my decision that Peds is not for me. I love working with the kids (except when they’re 3 and stubborn and won’t touch your finger when you ask them too!), but the parents can be quite overwhelming (it’s funny how different people can get when they’re seeking medical help for their kids rather than themselves), and I’ve had some heartbreaking cases with some pretty sick kids. So it’s adults for me.

And lastly, your opinion… picture quiz!

Wow, once again, long no update from me. Tsk tsk.

And even though it’s almost a month later…. thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your notes of congratulations about my boards. It’s been such an exhaustingly busy month that I only just realized that I never told you how much your words meant to me. You all had much more faith in my abilities and it was soul-enriching to have that faith confirmed. So *BIG HUGS* I love you all, I really do. Reading about your life and struggles and inspiration has made us friends… And there’s so much in my life, that II keep thinking of to share with you, and of course, I run out of time and don’t get to it, but please know how much you mean to me.

I just finished my rotation today, took the written final (contrary to my happy post eons ago, I still unfortunately have tests. Blah.) Yesterday, I had the practical and oral exam portion–which I thought that I blew. I knew the disease that they were quizzing me about, inside and out, but I never even mentioned the major (and only) treatment for the disease! I could have killed myself… But when I got my evaluation back today, the doctors didn’t even seem to notice! If I did well on the written (which, as always could have gone either way), I may have gotten honors. Honors! *shakes head in disbelief*

My evaluations from all of my residents basically said the same thing: I need to work on the confidence thing and take initiative… It sounds so simple, but it’s much harder to implement. I know it’s one of my weaknesses, but it’s hard to wipe away a lifetime of feeling insignificant, a part of the grey background.

Can you believe that it’s been six weeks already? The time (for the most part) flew by. The last part, the Gyn rotation was difficult. While I enjoyed the cases that I got to see and the patients that I followed on the floor (if they were admitted), it was physically hard on my body to the point that I could barely move at the end of a day. I knew that I hadn’t healed as well as I had hoped from my last surgery a year ago. I’ve had three surgeries on my right shoulder and each time it’s taken longer to get back function… I’ve got full range of motion but my strength is dismal, as I discovered when trying to hold back retractors for the surgeons for minutes and hours at end. And now, I’m starting to “feel” my other shoulder. The last CT scan showed that I had a tumor under the scapula on that side, and if I have to have surgery again, I don’t know what I’ll do. Yes, I survived Gyn, but I’ve also got 8 weeks of surgery coming up in a month and a half, where it will be the same thing–only longer and harder. I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it–that that will be my limit and the stressing factor that sends me into the spiral of more surgeries…

Enough of that. It won’t do any good worrying about it. And I’ve fretted and worried enough already. No, I really am doing good. I loved my rotation so much that it’s really lit the passion again for all of this… Medicine is truly what I love, I’m in the right spot, and somehow I’ll make it through everything.

I was asked twice on rotations if I was pregnant. Yeah. Those were great days. I’d love to blame it on the scrubs–they fit everybody ill, but… So, now I gotta add weight loss to my to-do list. *sigh* 🙂

It was Chris’s birthday on Monday. His girlfriend threw him a surprise birthday party last Friday–I was in charge of transporting him to the condo… Much amusement, especially when I had him put a towel over his head so he wouldn’t guess where we were going. The looks we got from other drivers had me in hysterical fits. It was fun. Met some of his old high school friends, which I always hate doing. I never feel more stupid than trying to make small talk with people. All of his buddies are these athletic, super smart, witty people… Seeing them, I still have no idea how Chris and I became friends… No, you think that it’s just my self-esteem issues coming out again, but really? We have so little in common sometimes, I can’t see how we got from point A to B.

Anyway, for his birthday, I made him a collage of some of his pictures from his travels and friends (trying to get on his computer and sneakily download his pics was a challenge!) and then finally, at the party got some pics of the two of us. We’ve been friends for over a year, and these are the first pics I’ve had of him And since I love sharing photos:
Chris and Julia, just click on the images. Some of them look pretty crappy–the flash only worked some of the time and I’m not clever enough with the photo editing programs to get them to look right. I’m the red-head, btw. 🙂 The one of him in Thailand is probably my favorite. It captured him perfectly when he’s trying to be charming.

And yep, that’s Melissa, his girlfriend of a year and a half now. She introduced me at the party as “Chris’s other girlfriend.” Melissa and I get along really well, I like her very much and I think she’s been fabulous for Chris, but when she says things like that, I’m never quite sure how to take it. Most of the time, she seems to be joking, taking it in stride, and then this trace of acid taints her voice and I wonder…

PS…. I heard through the rumor vines that Becka got a new job!!! Congratulations!!! I’m so excited for you. You need to give me details!

Had to share:

This is a picture of my lovely class, all of us future doctors, can you believe that? Brownie points if you can pick me out!! My best friend, Chris is in the middle, three rows up from the girl in the yellow-n-blue turban. He’s blond (surrounded by a bunch of blonds, so that doesn’t help) dressed in black, directly behind a tall guy in a white sweatshirt.

Med Class

Check here and see if you were right:

Me Cheat

One week of classes left. Then a week of comprenhensive finals and then… I’m done… Done with the classroom work. Never again to listen to hours of lecture of the partial pressures of carbon dioxide… I’m feeling rather frightened that these two years are almost over. Excitement hasn’t hit yet, mostly because the next few weeks look so daunting. So much to do and I’m so burned out that I have very little that’s flaming my desire for more studying.

This is probably silly of me…

I was just thinking about my journal and the online friends that I have and it struck me… Most of you, I have no idea what you look like! It is strange, how the internet works, how we make close relationships, where we can talk about our interests in common and life in general, and yet we have no face to put to this other person on the other end. What does it do to our relationships? Are we more open with the faceless? With no fear of recognizing this other person in the real world, I can see how that might be true. Are we afraid that we will have to change our labels of people once we have a face? That they might not be the image of who we imagined them to be? I don’t know.

And then I wondered if you wondered what I looked like too.. So, silly me, I posted a few pics on the web for your viewing pleasure. I’m making this a friends’ only entry, hopefully to keep out the weirdo stalkers… Both of the pics are now a few years old. I have a bad habit of never finishing a roll of film. I wear contacts more now and less makeup…

Julia
— My best friend was getting married, and I was feeling left out (yeah, the whole thing was hard on me) so the two of us went out and took “pseudo-engagement” photos of the two of us. to celebrate the event and our friendship. Blame the fuzzy pic on her fiancé.. he took them

Jules
— Um, yeah. Not the most flattering pic of me, but it’s not like this is a dating thing or anything. It makes me laugh.

And if any of you are brave or willing, I’d love to see what you look like too… You can send pics directly to me at jcd1013@dsdf.org. I promise I won’t use them as blackmail. 🙂