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11th January 2004

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So many of my thoughts and ideas are just fragments, little wisps of ideas that float into my brain. Invariably, I’ll think up some idea of a story, some part of a relationship that I want to explore. So I sit down and write–and lose it completely after the first paragraph. Writing Like Never Before has been one of the most grueling processes for that very reason, because while I have an outline of my ideas and what I’d like to occur, I still have to fill in… And the fill-in, the fleshing out of the ideas into sentences and paragraphs can take me months, many of them sitting in front of my computer in completely frustration because I can’t get out the words that are there. So often, I feel like an amateur sculptor, staring at a blob of clay, seeing what it could look like, but never knowing how to get it out.

Perhaps that’s why I like drabbles so much. I read other people’s and I’m inspired… They’re short, just 100 words wrapped around one moment, where I strive to express as much as possible. I can put down my fragmented thoughts and somehow get it to say what I want it to–like my drabble about Jess’s leaving and how Luke was dealing–there wasn’t enough in me to make that a complete story, but in a drabble form, I think I got down pretty much what I wanted.

I’m not a person who thinks poetically–there’s too much of the scientist in me, but with drabbles, I can come close. Lately, I think I’ve been thinking in drabbles… cutting out words, rearranging phrases, finding words that get just the right meaning. I think I verge on the sentimental a little more than I would like, but I think the form forgives that.

And I try to experiment more with drabbles than with any other form. Besides my experimentations with LOTR, right now I’m attempting to write two about Kirk–one a sonnet to LuLu and the other in the viewpoint of Cat Kirk… And it’s so hard!! I have a hard time writing humor, but I hope that playing around with this will give me some practice. I’ve tried writing different couples than I normally do (hence the Kirk and LuLu)… but as hard as I try, I cannot write Tristan–I wanted a Tristan/Paris one and considered exploring one about Rory from Tristan’s viewpoint, but it’s no use. I just can’t get inside of that character, he’s so foreign to me.

So here’s a couple more that I’ve been playing with. Same theme: lost cause, first one is slightly AU.


Betrayal
Through the streak-free windows of Luke’s Diner, Lorelai watched her daughter say goodbye to her boyfriend.

Perhaps yesterday, she wouldn’t have noticed that the kiss was brief or that Rory was the first to pull away, leaving without a farewell glance.

No, yesterday, she was calming Dean. Rory would never lie to him, lie to her.

An overheard conversation had shattered that belief.

For so long, she had worried that her daughter would follow her footsteps. But their relationship was strong and Rory confided everything.

Like a lobster in slowly heating water, she had ignored the warnings. Now she burned.

When You Say Nothing
Her mother opinionated the less said, the sooner forgotten, so she tried… It was surprisingly easy to never mention him. Small-town gossip long dead, nobody attempted to bring the subject up. And her roommates never engaged in all night chats, spilling secrets and analyzing relationships.

Sometimes, the urge to talk — about him, his attraction, her frustrations, his leaving — was overwhelming. But she clamped down, denying the words’ escape.

First time in months, she spoke his name. It tasted foreign and her difficulty remaining casual felt painfully transparent. True, it no longer hurt, but her pretenses crumbled…
She still loved him.

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