My heart is breaking….

The Unnatural is on tv and I have to go to bed. WAAAHHH! No Mulder and his fine piece of ash, no Jesse Martin… *sniff* *sigh*

I’m not liking the gyn part of my rotation as much. Too much surgery and very little patient interaction. And it’s really hard on my body, my shoulder is absolutely killing me. I hope it get better.

Just a quick note of hi before I head home for the weekend. I have (had) three whole days off, due to the 24th of July holiday. Sweeeeet! I’ve never loved my pioneer ancestors more.

Day off has been nice. Helped Chris move, cleaned my bathroom. Yep, nice and boring.

Have to run….

Pssst…. I passed my boards! 🙂

Started the morning getting yelled at by my favorite resident. Yesterday, I was supposed to see a patient, before my resident. When I went to see the patient, the chart was gone, so I assume that the resident had seen her and written in the chart. I didn’t follow up on it. Big mistake, chart basically says that the resident agreed with what I wrote–and I didn’t write anything. Resident gets chastised, and I get the load this morning. Great fun.

Ten minutes later, I was criticized again by the other resident. And then again, not five minutes later by my classmate. Little things, petty things, that normally I could have blown off.

Needless to say, the morning did not go well. By ten, I was in tears, frantic because I had to go into surgery and I knew I was going to make huge blunders.

Thank TPTB for Chris… He let me cry, calmed me down, made me laugh. Have I mentioned recently how much I love the kid? The day did get better, thank goodness. The C/S went okay, and my staples were parallel!

I’ve really admired my residents and having them think poorly of me, or think that I’m a slacker really bothers me. It’s more than just getting good recommendations, I really want them to feel like I’m helping them out, making a contribution.

Well, my motto in life is calling me: everything looks better with more sleep. Night, all.

The count so far: ~~2 tubal ligations (one that I almost passed out on… the very last stitch too, so it wasn’t like the surgery got to me. It was murderously hot in that room and the gowns are even more stifling. Luckily, I got away before I tipped over and contaminated the patient. Yep, I’m sure the doc was highly impressed.)

~~7 c/sections. I mostly blot with little clothes and try not to 1-contaminate myself (check), 2- suction at the wrong time, risking damaging internal organs (check, but everything was fine), 3-staple crooked (check, and check again), 4-get in the way(oh, yep, done that many times too). Yeah, I’m a fool in the operating room… And I keep coming back for more. I almost got to see twins, had to scrub out right before they were delivered. (sigh). Maybe this week.

~~6 births, three of them that I delivered myself. With help, of course, but it was awesome. today’s was probably the best–the doctor let me do pretty much everything. It was a girl.

Have I mentioned recently how much I love this job? Seriously. I don’t mind taking call. I don’t mind spending long hours there, because it’s fun.

There’s been some hard parts too. Little premie babies who are so young and fragile, it just makes you hurt. I hate that part, and talking to the parents whose lives completely changed in only a few short hours.

I still hate getting up at 5. 😛 Which means I have to go to bed now.

P.S. Does anybody have a copy of the song “Vindicated” from the Spiderman 2 soundtrack? Lovelove that song, and I would, as I usually do, buy it through iTunes, but for some reason, the only way you can get the song is to buy the whole album… And thank you, but no. I really don’t like the Train song and the theme just gets old. If someone has it and could somehow email/IM/post it for me, I’d love you forever. Just comment, and we can make arrangement.

*smoochies to friends out there in cyberspace* Love you guys.

Got a big white envelope in the mail this afternoon, from the National Board of Medical Examiners.

My heart seriously dropped to the bottom of my toes. I wasn’t expecting my results for at least another week. Tore the envelope open, with help from my sister (my fingers were shaking so badly) and….

I’ve been selected to participate in a survey of those who took the Boards.

Bastards. The least that they could do is put some kind of warning on the envelope that it did NOT contain Board results. Right now, I honestly think I don’t want to know.

It’s just been one of those days. Matt came by today, to drop off some books I lent him… I haven’t seen him for a couple of months now, and thought that he was purged from the system. Nope. Got that whole twittery, gut on the floor (hey, that’s twice today. Must be a record) at his voice and he’s looking good. Too good. And when he said that he had missed seeing me…. Guh. It’s so hard to remind myself that this crush of two years hasn’t progressed at all and isn’t going to. He’s either not interested (most likely) or just pathologically shy and it’s not going to change. Period.

And of course, my face chose today to break out and I was wearing my greasy glasses to give my poor eyes a break. I’m sure I looked fabulous.

Saw Spiderman with Chris and Melissa. They didn’t like it so much… I did. Well, except for the scene where the doctors and nurses were all killed–that was a little too graphic. I remember with the first one, the first time I saw it, I didn’t like it so much because of the clichéd writing, but got over it after reading that that was the point–to make it sound like it came from the comic books. That was their complaint today. Ah, well, next time I’ll see it with a more sympathetic crowd.

Rotations are going great. I’ve seen a couple of births and a c-sections and followed several patients in “my care.” Next week, I’m hoping to actually “catch the baby” and deliver it (with help of course). Birth is amazing, and I really like being around patients like this–mostly healthy, young women about my age and then being able to participate in this special time of their lives. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up going into OB, it’s definitely on the list to consider now. I have call on Monday night and then all of Saturday. I hope I can handle it! Me being up for more than 24 hours seems like a bad idea.

My first day of playing doctor went a lot better than I thought it would. In fact, for the first time, I’m actually really really excited to be starting my rotations, I’ve been dreading them for so long…. Mostly orientation today, but I learned how to birth a (fake) baby and monitor labor. And I met my resident who seems really nice (I’ve heard so many evil!resident stories that would curl your toes) and willing to help us learn–I breathed a big sigh of relief after that. We made our call schedule–I only have 5 nights on call–and I get to go home afterwards!! I’m done pretty much every day by 5:30 (although I start at 5:30 am–still, I thought I’d be spending 18 hours at the hospital every day, this seems like the life of luxury!) And best of all–I get (most) weekends off!!

And tomorrow–tomorrow I scrub in for my first cesarean section!! I can’t wait!

Going to bed at ten seems like a crime, but alas, I must away. Night all!