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24th May 2005

Reflections and disappointments

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It’s been one of those days/weeks. I got a parking ticket today. I was late for rounds this morning–rounds that I had to present at, and decided to risk parking in visitor parking, and got caught. *sigh* My wallet was already looking very pitiful….

It’s also been one of those weeks where I’ve been doing a lot of thinking–not a good combination with little sleep. But it’s something that I need to get down on paper, so *gestures*. Three things happened this weekend–and for being on call on Saturday and Sunday, and not one of them being work related, that’s pretty impressive–three things that started this rumination. I guess to have a better understanding, a little back history is needed.

We called ourselves The Plethora, so called after one too many late night viewing of The Three Amigos. We met in college–all of us lived in what was considered the ghettos of the dorms (and discovered rather quickly that nothing in that place would burn, the floors melted, the walls were whitewashed cinderblock that you could have hit with a bulldozer and I’m not sure they would have even dented)–most were a year or two older than me, but within a few months, that didn’t matter so much. This is one of my favorite pictures/memories of us–it had just snowed, probably close to a foot of snow, and we had played out there for hours–wrestling and building snow forts. Around 2 in the morning, we tramped inside for hot chocolate and decided afterwards that it was the perfect night for a slumber party. We dragged out all of our mattresses out into the common area, found a few feet of space and after much giggling and talking, fell asleep. The cleaning crew came through at around 7 in the morning and threw a fit. The dorms had a very silly rule that boys were not allowed to sleep over, and I mean literally. You could do anything else with boys in your room (hint, hint, nudge, nudge), as long as no sleeping took place. That was probably my first criminal act.

Anyway, I digress. We grew up. We graduated. And pretty much all of them have gotten married–mostly within our group. Laura and James. Justin and AnnaJune. Brooke and Brian. Matt and Erin. Three will have their six year wedding anniversary this summer. Most have produced at least one child. And they’re all happy. No, I really mean it. They have their squabbles and differences, but that love and connection is still there. We’re all still best friends–we get together at least once a month and we have a email group to keep in touch with those across the country, and we still laugh and talk and giggle, as much as we did when we were carefree, responsibilityfree freshmen.

Friday night, Liz and I threw a baby shower for Laura, which really meant that it was an excuse for all of the Pleth to come together and party–as much as you can party between the hours of 6 and 9 at night–how different life is post-kids! Sitting around, talking to everybody, watching the sweetly casual relationships, I was once again reminded that that was what I want. That real, true love really does exist and I’ve seen it in action.

Number 2: I spent Sunday afternoon with Chris. We had made tentative plans when we saw each other on Saturday–lucky guy was done with work at noon–for lunch, but in the end, he just came over and we talked. It’s been a long time since we just sat and talked–our busy lives and his engagement have dampened a lot of the old hangouts. Mostly about school–I was telling him about all of the interesting patients that I have seen and we were discussing the future. He updated me on the wedding plans (Pebble Beach in a year. $20,000. Not including the dress or other clothes. Or wedding rings. !!!!! It’s going to be beautiful, but oh, my!). It was fabulous. There are very few people that I feel so completely comfortable with. After spending so much time freaking out last year that whatever relationship we had would fizzle out once we stopped studying together and seeing each other every day, I’m finally secure in our friendship. He’s my friend because he wants to be, and I really couldn’t ask for a better one.

Number 3: My crush, the one that I asked out, the one that I became a bluegrass groupie for? He developed a girlfriend in the two weeks that I hadn’t seen him. He told me all about the garden that they were planting and how excited he was. I think I managed to keep my composure very well–it wasn’t a complete surprise. He had told me, in the middle of a conversation about my new rotation, that he had gone on a date with a “really great girl,” and that he was planning on seeing her in a few days. That was the real blow. So this new girl? She’s a medical student. Apparently, it was only in me that medicine was a real turn off.

I’m actually doing okay, and am really not as bummed or depressed as I thought I’d be. And I think it was the combination of the above events. I’ve always known that I’m not a person who can do the casual, blind date dating–my friends dated and married their best friend and since that’s been my inspiration, I can’t see myself doing otherwise. The boy and me? We’re friendly, friendish, maybe even friends–but I don’t think we even passed the good friend category. He doesn’t save me sandwiches at lunch because he knows that I’m a cheapy and hate buying food all the time. He doesn’t call to see how I survived admitting patients all night. And when he has offered to provide food when I’m studying for a test, in the “is there anything I can do for you?” monthly question, he doesn’t actually do it or even ask later how the tests went. That’s Chris, the completely platonic friend–and if he can care that much about me, well, then, I guess I’m holding out for the guy who is interested in me AND who’s the best friend. “But then we started hanging out, and we became friends, and you got hot” kind of way. And The Boy is apparently not that guy.

At least at this moment, that’s okay.

Everwood was phenomenal. I think I’m still weak in the knees. Becks, there’s clips up already at http://www.shippwrecked.org/somethingmore/–medium quality, but I’m hoping that they’ll be posting some good ones somewhere soon. I’m holding you to that video!

Tomorrow is (hopefully) my last call night at the ICU. It’s been a rather incredible experience, and I’ve learned so much. Friday, I’ll have to do a big post, summarizing my experiences. Remind me.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 24th, 2005 at 12:02 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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