I have not go to bed in 15 minutes. 5 am wakeups, here I come. Have you missed me?

Two months really go by fast, don’t they? For that matter, a year really goes by fast, as I enter my last month of internship tomorrow. 11 months down. 49 months to go. Really. I think that’s attackable.

But I’m not looking forward to giving up my weekends again. It really was nice feeling human again. But I do feel like my compassion and humanity batteries have been charged up, so I’m surprisingly optimistic about how this month is going to go.

I can finally see again. My eyes don’t tear up the instant I set foot outside (seriously, you guys missed the spectacle that was me driving to work with sunglasses perched on top of my glasses. I’ve never gotten mocked so incessantly for the glasses as I was this week, although it usually turned to sympathy when they heard about my battle with the mascara and how I lost. Just for your entertainment sake click for pic!

This has been a rather sucky Memorial Day.

I invited friends over for dinner/hang out early this week. Two people responded. One was on call, the other was post call and would come over if she woke up on time. She hasn’t called, so I’m assuming she overslept (I do the same post call, so I can’t blame her).

There was a big party and BBQ on the lake today with my ward and when my plans fell through, I decided that this would be fun to go to. Until I took one step outdoors and realized that my eyes are not healed enough to face the sun. They feel slightly better, the eye drops are helping. But I won’t be able to wear contacts tomorrow and will have to go to work with my freakish glasses. 🙁 Seriously, people, they’re ugly.

I didn’t get called in this weekend, so I guess it’s something, but I’m still bitter that because of this pseudo call, I didn’t get to go and see Susan or Allison or just get out of town. I barely left the house. Blah. My last weekend free until July and I wasted it. No, it really was nice vegging around the house. I arranged all of the pictures on my computer (and ate up every bit of free space I have), so that they’re ready for uploading. And I watched “Shall We Dance?” which was just the right amount of sappy angst to do me good (and hey, I recognized some of the Chicago stuff!), so it wasn’t all bad.

I’m sorry for the negative posts recently. I’m not sure exactly why I feel like I’m on the edge of depression… It’s something I can get out of easily and I know that I’m not clinically depressed, just something that I tend to slide into. I’ve had a lot of pressures and stresses that I didn’t think I’d have to deal with. Money problems. Lots and lots of money problems. Exposition on the issues, cut to be nice

I rarely, rarely wear makeup. Applying makeup is time better spent sleeping and there’s part of me, that deep in my heart is rather offended that in order to be considered beautiful, I have to paint a mask on my face. Never mind that I actually think that I do dress up nicely. I’d never ever be considered a supermodel or even someone traditionally attractive, but I look okay. Except for the eyes.

Last weekend for the wedding (posts are still coming, promise), I went and had my makeup applied at one of those Macy’s boutique counters, where they had brown mascara. Not dark brown. Not black. Brown. The biggest problem that I’ve had with mascara is that I look like a raccoon when I wear it. My lashes are red. Light red, same as my hair, but red. When I put on mascara, all you can see are the dark lashes and I think I look ridiculous. And they don’t make mascara for the redheads. When I saw the brown, that granted was still too dark but much better, well, I was quickly talked into purchasing it.

The neurology residents had a party last night, and I decided that one of the best ways to get out of my depressive funk would be to go and to dress up a bit. So on went the mascara and the base and the lipstick. I even straightened my hair (go me!). I got home pretty late, and stayed up even later; and finally just brushed my teeth and went to bed.

This morning, I slept in, as I am wont to do on my days off and dashed off to church. And suddenly, my eyes began to hurt and stream tears. I thought it was because I’ve not been exposed much to the sun recently (long work hours will do that to a girl), but they didn’t get better. I had to pull off the freeway at one point and put in eye drops, which made it bearable enough that I made it to church. My left eye continued to burn and I kept dripping tears. One of the sisters reached back and patted my knee; I’m sure she thought I was over emotional today. I survived church (which was actually wonderful today with upbeat spiritual thoughts and lessons that resonated just right), managed to drive home (I don’t think I’m as much of a danger driving post call as I was today) and ripped out my contacts. My eye is still red and irritated and very painful.

RIght now, I’m wearing the glasses that broke on call 5 months ago. The side is taped with surgical tape and look completely ridiculous.

If it doesn’t improve by tomorrow, I’m going to have to head to a walk-in clinic or the ER and have my eyes irrigated and looked at with fluorescent lights. And ugh, I don’t want to do that. I’m off to get eye drops, to see if I can irrigate it myself.

popculturespong, if this is the pain that you’ve been dealing with for the past year, you once again, have my complete sympathy. Owie!

I don’t think I’ll be wearing mascara for a while, Toto.

I’m having one of those pathetic days, where I feel gloom and depressed and completely alone. It’s not like things have been difficult right now… Work wise, things are going well, easy schedule (well, I start jeopardy call in the morning, so things at least have the potential of becoming more hairy), and I’m enjoying working with my colleagues. Even the resident that I’ve despised is more tolerable now and we’ve actually had one or two pleasant conversations. (It’s all a facade, but whatever).

But then I come home, and while I enjoy living alone, right now, I feel lonely. One of the good friends that I’ve made here moved to Utah this week for her residency, and because of an alarm clock fluke, I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye. Two of my co-interns in Neurology are leaving, one because he got married to a girl who refused to move, the other because of health concerns, and they’re my buddies. I just found out about one of them this week and since he’s ignoring my phone calls/emails, well… You all know how much I despise change, and to be confronted with all of this at the same time, I guess it’s no surprise that all I’ve wanted to do is crawl into bed and stay there.

We won’t even mention the loathing/disgust/longing mix that’s associated with the few potential boys in my life. I’m too bitter right now.

I have 3 posts about my sister’s wedding started, that I’ve never finished. Maybe tomorrow…

While I do hope to do a verbose blow by blow account of my trip, I decided first to get my pictures arranged, as I have a tendency to neglect that (I don’t think I ever posted my Guatemala pictures or Africa pictures). It took a long time to sort and label them, but I think I managed to convey some of the stories.

So here it is: http://picasaweb.google.com/jcd1013. They’re arranged by date, counter-chronologically. Once you click on an album, the side bar can tell you the rough location of where I was at during that day. More than a few are utter crap, but I like them anyway. 😛

I haven’t really been suffering from jet lag (residency is a wonderful thing for curing you of any type of internal clock. My melanin hasn’t worked properly in years), but I do find that I am absolutely exhausted by 10-11 pm. It’s a very weird feeling. So I guess I’m off to bed.

Arrived home this afternoon after a 7 hour trip that only took 2 hours. Just downloaded last week’s Doctor Who (thanks, Ali!), and I think what I best feel is summed up in those first few minutes when the Doctor drops Martha off, and she’s staring around her house, thinking that after all of her adventures, she’s back to the humdrum of daily life.

More later. I have over 300 photos to share and lots of stories. It was a lovely time. But right now, I’m needing to mourn.

Ireland is very green. And rather wet and chilly. I guess that’s how it
stays green.

Staying in Dingle right now, right on the harbor. We’re surrounded by salty
fishermen. It’s very lovely. Today we seek on Fungi the dolphin. Fun!

I hate the last minute panicking. Did I pack everything? Do everything? I’ve checked my list twice. Besides my endless dictations, which I did make progress on, the only things I didn’t get to are “cut my hair” (blah. it hasn’t been even trimmed since October and it’s (not to be quoting Imus here but Brandon from the dorm years) nappy) and “cut my lawn” which is going to be completely overrun when I come back in a week.

But overall that’s not bad.

If I’m remembering everything. *gnaws on lip*

My bus to Chicago leaves downtown at 5:20 tomorrow for the airport. Everybody, please pray for a not-busy day tomorrow, so that I don’t miss it. It’s been great this week, I haven’t had any patients (and I mean that literally) for the last two days and I want that to continue. One of my colleagues is driving me to the bus station, and if we get slammed with consults and staffing those consults, it’s going to be extremely tight and stressful, and I don’t want that.

But just think… in about 48 hours (more or less with time changes and everything)… I’ll be in Ireland!

*hugs* Behave yourself while I’m gone.

Lemming time (lememing time?)

Ooo! Ooo! Fill me out!