“However, I feel much better now than when I began this entry. I’ve got quite a bit of resentment and rebellion and discouragement out of my system. That’s the chief use of a diary, I believe.”

Like everybody, in daylight Emily found things much less tragic and more endurable than in the darkness.

“Night is beautiful when you are happy–comforting when you are in grief–terrible when you are lonely and unhappy. And to-night I have been horribly lonely. Misery overwhelmed me. I seem never to be able to stop half-way in any emotion and when loneliness does seize hold on me it takes possession of me body and soul and wrings me in its blank pain until all strength and courage go out of me. To-night I am lonely–lonely. Love will not come to me–friendship is lost to me…”

~ *Emily’s Quest, *LM Montgomery

From the beginning, I promised myself that I’d treat my blog like a real paper journal… what I write, I keep, even though I cringe afterwards. So that means no filtering or privatizing those entries which, in the morning, are particularly whiny and self pitying.

That last one was really emo, wasn’t it? Good thing I’m at the VA where I can’t access LJ or I *would* be tempted to delete.

I’m better now. Really. If I wrote early in the morning, this blog would be drastically different. Bunnies and sunshine different. Things are always so much more positive in the sunshine than they are at midnight.

You know what. I had a great time, even though it didn’t fit with my expectations. I did. I’ve certainly experienced worse. At least it wasn’t ten innings at a baseball game with nothing to talk about. *shudders at memory* So, Jared’s a subpar date. Fine. I can accept that and I’ll move on. Maybe I will consider approaching the cute (but oh so young! 7 years younger!) guy at church. For one, he knows how to dress. 🙂