I have a cold tonight, with a cough and aching ears. And a cold sore. And cramps. So rather than go out, like I thought I might, I’m staying in, eating pizza and reflecting on this past year. I haven’t written on my blog for months, rather preferring the short and snappy updates that Facebook provides. But this needs a little more introspection and since I feel like I’m irritated at half of my facebook friends. And I have missed you all, so much.

January:
-I was on the stroke service that month, which meant long hours. It went better than the previous September (which I spent the entire month flustered and irritated at how much I didn’t know). I solidified my reputation as “the angel of death”, where in a week, I held family conferences about goals of care every single day with a new family. I participated in my first “donation after cardiac death”, which was profound, unsettling and extremely spiritual.
-I made a couple of friends! I started to get to know my co-fellow Michel better and we hung out watching Glee and Sherlock together on our one night off a week.
-I went back to Milwaukee for a weekend to witness the wedding of one of my besties, Sarah. She was such a lovely bride and it was lovely seeing some of my Milwaukee friends again.
-After being on the market for 6+ months, my house had a offer! Thus started months of more waiting and endless paperwork.

February:
-On the ICU service this month, in the medical/surgical unit. I spent a week on night float (working the night shift, which I actually really enjoyed). I discovered that I really don’t like working with some old-time general surgeons, which confirmed that I really, really hate open ICUs (I’ll describe later if you’re truly interested).
-House update: (which I think I shared) From my realtor: “”I just got off the phone with our negotiator, and she said the offer looks good compared to the value it came in at. She would not give me the BPO value. She will be reviewing the HUDs, etc later today to see if there are any changes which need to be made there and send me an update later today. I will let everyone know when I hear.” Hope sprung eternal.
-Personal life: I was pretty sleep deprived this month. But I discovered a whole bunch of new music (including that catchy little tune from Gotye).

March:
-At the county hospital this month, taking care of neurological patients. It also included getting up for rounds at 6:00 am. We had a couple of devastating patients (if I never see another NMDA receptor encephalitis again, I’ll be happy).
-The offer for my house was accepted. More paperwork and more money.
-I started officially studying for my neurology boards.
-I spent one weekend driving around the South Bay, met up with some Mormon feminists who I had met online (wonderful people. Such an awesome gathering). Another weekend (I had two off that month) I went to Cirque de Soleil with a couple of my friends. It was amazing and I had a really great time getting to know some awesome women on the drive down to San Jose.

April:
-I was at the county hospital in the medical ICU. Which was my favorite month all year long. A closed ICU – such bliss. Sick patients but competent residents and interns. Lots of pathology. I personally saved the life of one young patient who actively tried to die for an eight hour person – and walked out of the hospital 2 weeks later completely okay. It was the first time I felt mostly competent. It was wonderful and far too short (I was only there for 2 weeks. The only two weeks were back at the med/surg ICU at UCSF where, ugh, surgeons).
-Closing date for my house set. Closing documents signed. And the mortgage propmtly informed me that they were proceeding with foreclosure, which added another level of stress to my ulcer.
-April 25th: I am no longer a homeowner.

May:
-On stroke again. Had two weeks with my least favorite attending and felt like an idiot pretty much every day. In short, work was boring.
-Chris got married, so I flew back to Wisconsin for that event. He and his bride were lovely and oh so happy and the ceremony was gorgeous. I made an instant connection with one of their friends, who, it turns out is gay, so there was no matchmaking for me. It was wonderful and horribly painful. I didn’t even get a picture of me and the couple.
– I spent a couple of days down in Illinois visiting with Susan and her family and exploring their new house. Somedays, I just wanna move into their guest bedroom.
-I went on a Memorial Day vacation, where I drove up the coast and camped two nights under redwoods. It was perfect and rejuvenating. I do so much better when I can go out into nature and recharge.

June:
– I spent a week at home. My sister came up with her two little boys, so I got to be Auntie (one of my favorite professions). We ran around the elementary gym, threw balls, read stories and went on walks. Carden kept us all cracking up with his little words of wisdom. David practiced his walking while his aunties adored.
– My closest friend here in SF moved back to Canada. I’ve hated losing his friendship. We spent a lot of time exploring restaurants and watching Glee together and ranting about work.
– I studied for my neurology boards most of the rest of the month.
– My roommate (the person I was subletting the apartment from while she was off getting another degree) moved back in. We got along mostly well, but I hated being crammed back into a tiny little bedroom.
– Health care reform was deemed constitutionally okay by the Supreme Court! Yes!
– I walked in the SF Pride Parade as a straight Mormon ally for marriage equality. I think I shocked some of my family, but it was such an emotional and spiritual experience and definitely one of the highlights of my year.

July:
– On stroke again this month. Some very long, exhausting call nights with minimal sleep (I annoyed my roommate with the number of times the pager was going off).
– I went swing dancing for the first time here and it more than anything solidified me feeling like I was at home. Lots of good partners. I still need to buy me a pair of saddle shoes.
– Study, study, study, study.
– My grandpa was diagnosed with terminal cancer (esophageal which had already spread throughout his body at diagnosis. He opted to not undergo any palliative chemo or radiation.
– I moved! I got university housing in an adorable apartment complex up the hill, surrounded by a eucalyptus forest. It’s probably one of my favorite places I’ve ever lived and it has been really good for me to live a little above the city and out of it. Plus I have the most gorgeous walk ever every morning to work (getting groceries has been much more challenging).
– I met Chris Colfer. For 30 glorious seconds we were best friends. He called me sweetie. My inner fifteen year old squees.

August:
– On a research elective for the next two months, where I attended class again (wow, I can’t sit through hours of lectures any more) and wrote a research proposal that hasn’t gone anywhere. And studied, studied, studied.
– My parents came out and visited. We bought a couch and a bed for my little apartment. We spent a couple of days in Yosemite where there was active hantavirus and the bubonic plague. The scenery was gorgeous; I can see why Ansel Adams basically never took a picture of anything else. But there were a lot of people and I get wearied by jostling people pushing to see landmarks. I may try again this spring with its still muddy and chilly and keeps pesky tourists away.
– Shooting at a Sikh temple in Milwaukee. My friends and acquaintances are thankfully okay.
– Study, study, study.
– Blues dancing!
– Les Miserables live!
– Study, study, study

September:
– Study, study, study
– Look, squirrel!
– Study, study, study
– I hate my life
– Study, study, study
– When will this be over???
– Study, study, study
– I’m going to fail
– Study, study, study.
– Maybe I won’t fail after all.
– September 20: pretty sure I failed this test. I cried the entire bus ride home.
– A couple of study breaks: opera in the ball park (Rigoletto!). Wait, that might have been my only study break.
– Watched the space shuttle Endeavor circle over the bay and the city.
– I went home for a week of vacation. I spent a couple of days up in northern Utah visiting my grandma and grandpa. Grandpa was starting to look frailer and stated that he didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. I didn’t want to leave, but I hugged him goodbye for the last time. He squeezed me tight, pressing my face against his plaid shirt, just like always.
– I went down to Arizona with my family for a few days as well. We visited with my Grandma (my mom’s mom) who was in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. She smiled and laughed an cried when we came through the door. Language failed her, but she expressed it all in her hugs. She kissed my neck as I hugged her goodbye- the last touch of hers.

October:
– Work: at the county hospital again on the neuro ICU. Have another fellow so call nights aren’t so bad.
– Went to Denver for the Neurocritical care society meeting. Met a few people and “networked”, thus starting the job search process. Overall impression: meetings were too early in the morning. And I hate all day lectures. I did spend an afternoon with my awesome cousin though!
– Facebook tells me I was obsessed with politics. I was.
– My grandfather started getting sicker towards the end of the month and on October 25 my beloved grandpa died surrounded by his family.
– I flew home for the funeral and thanks to an overlap due to the end and beginning of rotations, I was able to spend 5 days with my grandma, who also has dementia, so she was reliving his death over and over. The funeral was touching, a tribute to the man that my grandpa was – his kindess and compassion and service touched so many.

November:
– Election. My guy won and the city exploded in glee. It was a good time.
– Two days after returning home from the funeral, my mom called and told me that her mom was ill. On November 11th, my grandma passed away.
– Travel to AZ this time for the funeral (a shorter trip unfortunately). The funeral was held in Mesa, and then we travelled to her little hometown in New Mexico for the burial. The cotton was in seed and being harvested, entire fields were covered in white. It was beautiful. I reminisced with cousins and played with my nephews.
– Thanksbirthgivingday! I turned 34 and had thanksgiving dinner with my friend Dan and his boyfriend.
– Went to Monterey Bay and saw the aquarium (eh) and ate crab in a restaurant on the shore (yum). Sea lions barked right outside.
– My board scores came back. I did not pass. The next day I found out that I failed by one percentage point.
– Tosca at the SF Opera (*swoon*)

December:
– Job applications. Spent the first 10 days working on cover letters and resumes before finally sending them out.
– I’ve applied to four different places (I kept the list small this time) and have had two phone interviews. I have an interview in Portland in the middle of January and one in Utah in the next few weeks (still working out times). I’m not exactly sure of my decision to likely stay in academic medicine, but I’ll give it a couple of years and if I really hate it, I’ll move on.
– The apocalypse didn’t happen. Sad. 🙁
– The Hobbit! (yes, it deserves to be mentioned in my year review because oh, it reminded me of 10 years ago)
– I wore pants to church. (It was apparently a big deal. New York Times big deal, who didn’t ask me for a quote. I mean, what?)
– Christmas vacation at home (yes, I went home a lot this past year) and in Arizona. I flew back yesterday.
– Saw Vienna Teng for the 6th time last night and as always, she was amazing. Front rows seat, but unfortunately was blocked by her piano. I hugged her afterwards, got my picture taken with her and she complimented me on my shirt. A wonderful end to a year that has had a lot of frustrations and losses and crushing disappointments.

Books read: The Book of Mormon Girl by Joanna Brooks, Princess of Stone (Princess Academy sequel) and Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale, The Land of Stories by Chris Colfer, two neurology textbooks and more questions/flashcards that you could ever guess. I’m half way through A Discovery of Witches and I’ve started Code Name Verity on my friend Brooke’s recommendation but haven’t made it past the first chapter.
Movies seen: The Avengers, Brave, Pitch Perfect, The Hobbit
TV shows: Sherlock, Glee, The Glee Project, Suits (but missed the last two-three episodes because I moved). I’ve downloaded Downton Abbey, but haven’t seen it yet. I didn’t even bother with Doctor Who, since I haven’t finished last season.
Concerts: Vienna Teng
Symphony/Opera/Theater: SF Youth Symphony performing Mahler, Les Miserables, Rigoletto, The Lion King, Tosca. I’ll be seeing Wicked here in a few weeks.

Happy New Year, all! I hope it brings you happiness and contentment.