My patient, the one who threw me out of the room, thanked me profusely today for giving him great care and helping him get better. It might have been because I had just signed his discharge orders and he was getting out of there.

I must admit to having a thrill of satisfaction when I read in the nursing report that he threw out the lab drawers this morning and refused to let them poke him as well. So it may not have been just me (although, to be honest, I definitely contributed).

Down to one patient, who should have been discharged two days ago (he was the other patient was was mad at me yesterday. Today, he was all sunshine and wit… I’m not sure that he remembered who I was). Every day, I get thwarted on my plans to ship him out and back to the other service, where he does need treatment. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, that’s what Annie sang. It’s going to happen tomorrow.

On call again tomorrow as well, all night. The chief resident messed up our schedule (or rather, we didn’t understand his motivations for the schedule and switched things on Saturday, making them even more messed up). I’m not sure that I’m fully ready for the “excitement” that being the cross cover provides again.

P.S. I think Orlando should stick to the tried and true action adventure movies. Drama, he does not do (although I think a crummy script contributed to the dismal Elizabethtown), and I don’t think he’s cute, unless he’s wielding a sword or a bow and arrow. Then I swoon. I haven’t been to the movies in months, and I was such a fangirl! So much fun!

I am not a superstitious person.

Or at least I didn’t used to be.

Now, I rap on tables when passing on my patients to the covering night intern that “there’s nothing to do. They’ll be like lambs all night long and not bother you.” I stop mid-sentence when talking about how calm things have been, or how we haven’t gotten any admissions.

Just so I don’t tempt fate. Or the powers that be. I forget in those moments that I believe in a supreme, benevolent God who doesn’t smite out vengeance at a lark.

Right now, I’m regretting writing about how good things have been. Because I did that, today was the worst day I’ve had yet.

I had two patients yell at me, swear at me of how I wasn’t listening to them and keeping them there and making their lives miserable. One was probably justified… my patient with the fever that I stuck a half dozen times trying to get some blood…and whom I walked in and informed that we needed more, and he was going to be my pin cushion again. It didn’t matter to him that I had practiced, that I had talked to the nurses and IV team and had gotten tips of how to do it better and get the vein when I needed to. He told me to leave, and I did. I got the other intern and begged her to do it.

The other was a patient that I had been trying to transfer back to another unit for two days and came in and discovered that all of my plans had come to naught. He was upset, I was upset and spent the rest of the day, trying to figure out what went wrong.

I haven’t cried. I didn’t get hurt or really upset, because I do understand that this is hard for them. But they don’t understand that it’s equally hard for me, to figure out my place, to be told that I, who have only practiced on fellow students, must go in and get blood on my patients…and my fellow students with their nice, plump, healthy veins are a far cry easier than these gentlemen. Thrown into the wolves and I have to fight my way out.

I survived my first week of internship. And my first night on call all night last night, crossing covering all 4 teams’ patients for the night. It wasn’t too bad, comparing it to the other intern’s experiences. My pager was going off nonstop from about 3 pm on (at the same time I was trying to get blood cultures draw…6 sticks later, I had to admit defeat and get another intern to come and help. So frustrating. I’ve done IVs before, but apparently, drawing blood is a slightly different technique. And can I just say how ridiculous it is, in a hospital, to not be able to have labs drawn on weekends? If you want something, you have to draw it yourself, which is a complete and inefficient waste of time. I did have two patients who spiked a fever overnight and I needed blood cultures on them. Luckily the IV nurse took pity on me (I think I looked pretty frazzled by that point) and offered to draw all of the labs that I needed last night, which saved me a lot of headache and stress. I could have hugged her.

Our team took five admissions yesterday (we were supposedly on divert because the ICU was full. Didn’t stop the ER team from allowing a woman to be transfered from one of the local hospitals for no reason what so ever…. and then admit her. Nice lady, but I was really frustrated that I had to work her up and admit her, when she really didn’t belong in the hospital), two were mine. That was probably the hardest thing, trying to admit and balance the numerous pages from all of the nurses and try to figure out what to do with patients that I know very little about (it’s hard enough figuring out what to do with my patients!), In addition, there was a fluke in the call schedule, which meant that while my resident was supposed to accept sign out and cover one of the medical teams, everybody signed out to me, which meant my load was heavier.

Things calmed down at around 11… the pages stopped, allowing me to write up my two admissions and then get some sleep. I got about four hours of sleep, which since everybody else that I’ve talked to has only gotten about 30 minutes, I was extremely blessed. It wasn’t good sleep, because I kept waking up in a panic that my beeper was going off and I was sleeping through it (I wasn’t). Or it really would go off and I had to figure out how to manage things in my sleep deprived mind. Fun, fun.

I came home and promptly went to sleep. Or tried to, as my pager kept going off. It’s true that it’s very difficult to leave the work behind at the hospital. One patient’s wife had come by, and as she was power of attorney, wondered why she hadn’t been informed of her hsuband’s transfer to our service, so I talked to her for a bit. Then, as I had basically give everybody the go ahead to transfer him back to the other service, I then got a call from that admitting physician, wondering why I was transferring him back when the cardiology consult said that he wasn’t stable in their note (completely opposite of what they told my team in person, btw). I think I got most of that fixed–I’ll find out tomorrow morning of whether or not the transfer actually went through.

So, I survived. I might be on call again on Wednesday (our schedules got messed up, as I said, so I have no idea anymore), which I’m hoping not. I need a couple of days to recover, and as I’m not getting a day off anytime soon (13 days, and counting), well, I’d rather not be on call again until Sunday.

I am loving my internship. Despite the hard work and the constant feeling of inadequacy (does it ever go away?). The vets that I work with are very sweet, especially the little old 80 or 90 year old men. I get very sad when they come in, very sick often, but always very patient with what we can offer them. They vets are some of the most appreciative patients you’ll see, and our VA system offers them so little sometimes. There are great things about the VA… their computer system and their clinics, but when it comes to hospital care… where they are really really cared completely by residents (great for residents to get experience, maybe not so good for the vets) and can only get PICC lines on Tuesday and Thursday (and not after 3 on those days, making them stay in the hospital until the next Tuesday or Thursday), or the million other ways that the system breaks down (and sorry, folks, I don’t think it’s because of evil socialized medicine. The VA could be providing some of the best care, It’s more the inefficiency of the system in place and the laziness/unwilling of those in the system to change), it saddens me.

So that’s my life, busy, tired, but generally happy. What’s going on with you?

Today is my day off. Which is nice. I survived the first two days of internship, as did my patients, which is always a good thing. It wasn’t too horrible, except there was so much that I forgot (didn’t do a physical exam on two of my patients. Not good. Didn’t tell the nurse that I was changing medications. Not good.) and I spent most of the time floundering in the decisions that I did make (giving that patient cough syrup, was that okay, or did I just make the other medical condition that we were treating him for worse? (you laugh, because it’s just cough syrup but when you think of all of the drug interaction….)).

So now, I get to enjoy the day being away from the hospital. Except I can’t figure out how to put a notification on my pager that I’m away, so I keep getting paged. I’ve just ignored them. That’s probably bad too.

And my next day off? Will be on July 22nd. That’s right. 19 days without a day off. I’m already getting crabby at the thought.

Don’t get me wrong, I am really enjoying this, I am between the freak out fits, and it was wonderful to be back in the hospital environment. I love talking to the patients and getting to know them. My patients have been wonderful and have very nicely been as well as they can be in a hospital, so I haven’t had to worry too much about them. But I get antsy when I have to be up every morning at 5 and don’t get a chance to just be lazy. *sigh*

I’ll be on call tomorrow, so I won’t be done until 9 pm, so I won’t be really celebrating the 4th, except by taking care of the veterans who sacrificed so much of themselves to protect our country, and when you look at it that way, it seems like the best use of a day.

Still without internet access. Getting beyond perturbed. It’s flipping a switch people, it shouldn’t take 10 days to do. I really, really, really need it working, so I can figure out how to get my new Pocket PC working and download some oh so valuable medical information so I’ll actually know how to manage my patients.

Still don’t have internet access at home, hence the long absence.

But I’m moved, my house is great (with a few annoying quirks that I’ll detail in the future), I finished my training yesterday. And today…

I became a Real Doctor. Actually I’m more like Pinoccio when he was still wooden, and not quite the Real Boy. I’m kinda missing the strings.

I will be busy for the next bit, trying to figure things out. Being an intern is very stressful. This morning, I felt like the biggest idiot (and probably was), and it’ll take some time to get over that.

*sigh* It gets downright depressing when I think how busy I’m going to be, compared to the relative ease that I’ve had the last several months. And the worst is there’s no end in site, just one day after another.

Sorry for not replying on the goings on in your life. It’s going to be some time before I can be as actively involved as I was before. *sigh again*

I forgot…

Packing up my computer means that it is impossible to write a “final post” (my favorite!).

So this is a day late.

But I am moved. My apartment was packed and sorted and stuffed into a Uhaul trailer, a Jeep and the back of my little car. Surprisingly, there’s still room if we wanted to fit more. I did have to leave behind all five boxes of my books…my parents have promised faithfully that they will mail them soon. They’d better!

Right now, we’re crossing the great and spacious state of Wyoming. We had left last night and went to my hometown for a regrouping and final goodbye before heading out today…Got an hour down the road and realized that we (I) had left the insurance information for the trailer on the table. So we turned around. I have a strange feeling of deja ve… I wondder why. But we finally got everything and are stopped for the night a hundred miles from Nebraska. Here’s hoping we make it on time for my closing on Friday.

I’m tired, so that’s it. I’ll be without internet for some time as I set up house, so don’t let anything important happen!

I got my intern year schedule today (finally! Most everybody else that I’ve talked to have known their schedule since May). And oh, it’s going to be a very busy, crazy year.

I had initially asked for vacation in Sept (for Sam’s wedding), December and May (for Chris’s graduation–I submitted it long before I knew that he would graduate with me) I did get my vacation week for Sam’s wedding… although they have me starting again on Sunday, the 24th, which means, I’d have to fly out on the Saturday, missing the reception. I’ve already written and asked that that be changed.

Then I have a vacation 3 weeks later, and then not another one until May. Seven months without a vacation. So much with the happy little thought of maybe getting to go home for the week prior to Christmas, I was hoping to go to the annual Pleth party, but that will be a no-go.

Worse, those six months are all ward months, all of them, which means 6 days a week, one day off, overnight call every 4th night. I knew this was what I was going to get into, but it seems daunting on paper.

My schedule is as follows:

7/1-7/31 – Medicine Wards, VA Hospital
8/1-8/31 – Neurology
9/1-9/30 – Neuro Intensive Care Unit (Vacation)
10/1-10/31 – Emergency Medicine, Big Hospital* (Vacation)
11/1-11/30 – Medicine Wards, Big Hospital
12/1-12/31 – Neurology
1/1-1/31 – Cardiology Wards, Big Hospital
2/1-2/28 – Medicine Wards, Big Hospital
3/1-3/31 – Medicine Wards, VA Hospital
4/1-4/30 – Neoplastic Consults, VA Hospital
5/1-5/31 – Neurology Consults, Big Hospital (Vacation)
6/1-6/30 – Medicine Wards, Big Hospital
*Hospital name changed slightly for privacy.

Off to pack more. I kinda wish that I had had more time earlier, because I could be having a yard sale and making all kinds of moolah, which since it looks like I was mistaken and I won’t be getting my first pay check until July 31st, I’m definitely starting to feel panicky poor. Why does this all have to be such a pain?

I’ve really underestimated how much time it was going to take to pack up my house.

Not to mention how much stuff I have. This is after the numerous stacks of papers that have been thrown away, the books that have been donated back to the library and the bags of clothes that were donated to the DI (Deseret Industries). I managed to get my books down to 3 boxes; I was much impressed, until I realized that this was not including my medical books which were in another location. My clothes might fit into 3 large suitcases, but they’re sure not looking like they’re going to cooperate. And I still have the three closets and the entire kitchen and most of my bedroom to go.

Ugh.

*dies*

I’m biting…

Ask me my top five of anything. I’ll answer in a later post.

Please do! I could use the procrastination excuse and I’d love to see what kind of lists you come up with.

I haven’t written for a while, I mean a real update. I went to Arizona for the weekend and saw my cousin get married. Very cute girl, marrying a very cute guy, her high school sweetheart. It was nice and seeing family was great.

The house buying turned into a nightmare, but I don’t want to get into it. We finally sorted that all out (I think!) and once I find out from my insurance broker tomorrow which lucky company will be providing me with home insurance, I believe that all of the little and big things will finally come together and I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that on June 23rd, I will be closing on my little house.

I move in less than a week. That’s scary. I’ve started really hitting the packing process (divided the books with my sister today. *sniff* She took Harry Potter and the Dark is Rising sequence… I shall miss them. 🙁 ) and my apartment is a utter disaster. Hopefully, I’ll be done with all of the packing on Friday, leaving the weekend for the massive cleaning. I just realized that I haven’t reserved the UHaul yet. Crap. Must remember to do that tomorrow.

I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to do all of the last minute visits that I had been intending to spend all of June doing… seeing Laura and her kids, going to a dollar show with Liz. We are going to have a Plethora party (in my honor, thank you) on Friday, and I guess that will be my goodbye. My stomach is clenching at the thought. I still have been in complete denial that moving actually means moving.

And to just to top it all off…in less than two weeks, I’ll be expected to be a real doctor. What I really need to be doing is hitting the books, all day long and reviewing everything, so that I won’t look like a complete moron. It’s been months since my last ward month. Months. I don’t know how I’m going to get the time.

You won’t believe what just arrived in the mail!!

My tea from claidheamhmor and melancthe!!

The postal worker looked awfully peeved at handing over the package, but it’s mine, it’s all mine!! I think the poor tea walked here from South Africa, it’s looking rather worn and tired, but I shall treat it well now.

I am so having a cup of rooibos tea right now!

*hugs Claymore and Mel* Thanks, you guys!

I don’t get on my political high-horse very often, but this is getting tiring.

From http://civic.moveon.org :

Everyone expected House Republicans to give up efforts to kill NPR and PBS after a massive public outcry stopped them last year. But they’ve just voted to eliminate funding for NPR and PBS—unbelievably, starting with programs like “Sesame Street.”

Public broadcasting would lose nearly a quarter of its federal funding this year. Even worse, all funding would be eliminated in two years–threatening one of the last remaining sources of watchdog journalism.

Sign the petition telling Congress to save NPR and PBS again this year:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/

Last year, millions of us took action to save NPR and PBS, and Congress listened. We can do it again if enough of us sign the petition in time.

This would be the most severe cut in the history of public broadcasting. The Boston Globe reports the cuts “could force the elimination of some popular PBS and NPR programs.” NPR’s president expects rural public radio stations may be forced to shut down.

The House and Senate are deciding if public broadcasting will survive, and they need to hear from viewers like you. Sign the petition at:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/

Thanks!

P.S. Read the Boston Globe story on the threat to NPR and PBS at:

http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1864

I’ve already signed the petition, which is sent to your personal representatives. Please make the outcry loud…maybe one day they’ll get the message that we, as Americans, support our public broadcasting stations and the government should as well.

I’ve really underestimated how much time it was going to take to pack up my house.

Not to mention how much stuff I have.

Ugh.

Just passing the word on…

Amazon has the Season 1 DVD of Everwood on sale for $16.99. The WB has not released any other seasons of it on DVD< due to poor sales when it was first released (I'll admit, I didn't buy it). It's now #7 on the Amazon list Amazon link

Normally, I don’t try to encourage consumerism, but if you do like Everwood (or would like to get into it), consider buying the DVD. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll release the other seasons and/or renew Everwood for the midseason once 7th Heaven finally dies and we are rid of that decaying, smelly corpse of a show. 🙂

ETA: I feel like I have now done my civic duty. 🙂 My review for 7th Heaven showed up (so far only one person, my sister, has found the review helpful), but if my 1 star can help bring down the ratings and send a message that decent people don’t like that show, then it’s worth it. And I’ve submitted a review for Everwood as well… 🙂 I feel good.

I headed out of town on pretty short notice for the weekend, up to visit my grandparents. I wish I could have spent a couple more days there…there are so many memories of vacations there… playing “pioneers” under the willows, starting the “Cove Country Cousins Club,” dressing up in the girls dorm. It’s always a place of reflection, of literary and politic discussion with my grandparents, of reminiscing of camping trips (my grandpa can tell some doozies. Although I could have done without all of the mice tales).

It was hard to say goodbye… knowing that it’ll be most likely a year before I see them again… a year when they are already getting older and frailer. They celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary while I was there. 58 years. I started to cry as I left. One more goodbye. One more uncertainty.

I had hoped to stay longer–two days was hardly enough time. But unfortunately, I had business back at home…contacting my bank, faxing contracts and bank statements, writing out checks, because…

I GOT MY HOUSE!

🙂 After a day and a half of bartering with (as Chris put it) persnickety sellers who refused to go down, we managed to reach a settlement that while it wasn’t the best, satisfied everybody. I still have to be approved for the loan, and the place gets inspected tomorrow, but hopefully, the place will close on the 23rd, ready for me to move in.

Wanna see pictures of it? Go here: http://jcd1013.lotrinklings.net/house/house.html. We visited it twice and in that time, the family had already moved out a lot of their belongings, so you can get a sense of what it will look like when I move in with my very meager belongings.

I’m very excited, even with all of the oh-so-fun paperwork. It’s going to be tight living for a while, but I think it’s worth it. I’m already planning out the guest room, to entice many many visits. 🙂

Well, I made an offer.

After much consideration and hashing out every issue with my dad and visiting both the little house and the condo that I was most interested in 3 times I made the decision to try for the house. It was such a hard decision, because there were pros and cons to each that seemed to equalize everything. The condo was a little newer (but still 40 years old) and taxes were better and the basement was more finished… but the HOA fee was much higher and it was further away and the carpets were old (and kinda smelly) and would probably need to be replaced. The house was older, but in good condition and the yard is small and manageable (at least it seems so now!), and was much closer to the hospital (not really walkable, but I can drive there in less than 10 minutes) and I liked the neighborhood better, and the resale value was better. In the end, it came down to the fact that I didn’t want to feel like I was living in a glorified apartment… and part of me really, really wanted a house that I could putter around a bit. I’ll probably feel differently once I have to mow every other week or when snow come (but the hours that I was going to be working, there’s no way that any association would have removed snow by then, so that’s almost moot), but by then I’m counting on myself finding a Luke to do all of the maintenance for me. Either that or a handsome albeit moody neighbor boy needing some cash with a pushy uncle. 😉

Of course, there’s no guarantee that they’re going to accept my offer. I’ve felt really good about my decision all evening…until now, as I get ready for bed and the paperwork is finished and all I’m left with is my thoughts and I’m a little freaked out. What if I’m not weighing things properly? How am I going to afford all of it any way? And so on. I’m trying to ignore that little whisper that I’ve made a mistake, because I really don’t think that I have…

P.S. Pictures are forthcoming. I just have to get them on this computer.

Buying a house is hard.

I really recommend never growing up. Certainly never getting a job and moving half-way across the country. Because that was the easy, cushy, wonderful life.

Am quite stressed out, because there are a million different variables that don’t compare to each other. I don’t know if I’ve found a place yet that I want to buy–there are a few that are tempting, but then I just get overwhelmed trying to decide.

Anybody out there have any perspective on the whole condo vs. traditional house argument?

So, per my suggestion, Chris has been keeping a travel blog, which has been great fun reading and “seeing” what he’s experiencing (Google has never gotten such a workout before!). Mind you, on his last trips, I was lucky to get an email a week–and most of those were 3 lines long, so this has been a nice change.

I emailed Chris early early Tuesday morning, he responded later that morning (there’s a 14 hour time difference), I wrote back and then have commented on virtual every one of his posts. Today I got this whiny email (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) about how everybody’s reading his blog and nobody’s writing him now. ROFL! I’ve turned my friend into a comment fiend!! He will never be able to escape the siren lure of the blogging world now!

****
On a side related note… he knows I keep a blog, and now that he has one, I know that I’m going to start getting some questions about it (or he’ll start searching for it, which is not hard to find if you know me well). Which is making me nervous. It was hard enough opening up my LJ to the Plethora, but that has actually been really nice–I love knowing that Michelle and AJ and sometimes Liz and whoever else that reads and hasn’t told me are keeping up to date with my life (although I still need to do better about writing emails to the Pleth–I’m horribly, unforgivably lazy about that). But opening it up to the person who’s been involved in half of the stories and who features prominently in the telling of those stories? Beyond scary. I have no idea how he would react–I don’t know how I’m going to react!

For now, I’ve decided that he’s too busy traveling and cavorting to locate my journal, so I can relax for a while… but I’ll have to make the decision before I move of whether I’m just going to give him the location…or go through and make everything friends only again (old stuff, new posts would still be mostly public).

****
Both Sam and Susan are in town, which had me giddy with anticipation all last week and I’ve barely seen either of them. Sus and I were to spend all day Friday and most of Thursday together, but something happened in Chicago and they cancelled all the flights on Thursday, so she didn’t come in until later on Friday. We hung out and went to a barbeque, but we didn’t really get a chance to do a good heart-to-heart chat that I’ve been longing for.

Sam, on the other hand, is in the area helping move her mom and as always, with every visit of hers, there’s been unexpected drama, this time involving her sister, which meant she left for Idaho much earlier than anticipated, and so I might be lucky to see her tomorrow afternoon as they pull the Uhaul out of town. *mourns*