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11th April 2004

Word of the day

Scrofula
(1) a form of tuberculosis infection, characterized by swollen cervical (neck) lymph nodes and glands.
(2) A term of endearment, used by uncle doctor and family, when kids, dog, etc. are misbehaving.
(3) Julia’s first experience with getting pimped. Her definition, since she and her uncle were talking about the dog who was wrecking havoc in the garden, “a play on words with Dracula (you know, like the book, Bunnicula).” Uncle Doctor laughed and quickly pointed out her errors in thinking, continuing “what are they teaching you in that medical school.” It was a joke. I think.

This is what my life starting in July is going to be like. Looking like an idiot because I don’t know the answers to anything. I don’t know anything. Nothing. I can’t tell you about any drugs, any diseases. It’s not what they’re teaching, it’s how little I’m remembering. Two years and I’m still clueless. And it’s going to become painfully obviously when I get to the wards that they should have let in that white Mormon boy from BYU instead of trying for diversity. Oh, the legislature and their little auditors will just love this.

Honestly, remind me again why I’m doing this?

Let continue the whining rants, shall we: I’m tired, I’m getting sick with what I’ve been told is a really nasty cold going around, I stared at the computer screen of the next chapter of LNB for four hours today and didn’t write a single word… instead, I deleted some and realized that I still haven’t figured out what Jess would say as a greeting on the phone. I haven’t talked to my best friend in over 2 months, I’m tired of being single and having no prospects, and the thought that I’m 25 and still end up carpooling and bumming rides from friend-who-is-sick-of-being-my-chaffeur, because my sister is unable to walk the four blocks to where she works. Let’s add in the guilt from when I talk to parents–whom at the age of 25 I’m still dependent on because I’m going to medical school and making absolutely no money–about said car situation and they try to figure out ways to buy other car, when they have absolutely no money because they are supporting me through medical school. I’m selfish, and whiny, and not acting like the mature adult that I ought to be.

I so just want to run away right now.

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