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30th December 2005

finished

The test is done.

It was supposed to take 9 hours. I finished it about 40 minutes early. Not sure if that’s a good thing, but I didn’t feel overwhelmed by questions that I had no idea about. But I was so tired the last 3-4 hours of it that I could have overlooked a lot of important details and not have known it.

Right now, I’m in a horrible funk. I’ve been in a depressive mood all week, dragged down by hours studying wondering if it was going to be enough, exacerbated by various disappointments and fulminated tonight into weeping after being stood up by friends who I really needed tonight. I don’t like abandonment and I feel like that’s all that surrounds me.

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27th December 2005

On and on and on

There nothing like studying on Christmas Eve, Christmas and “Boxing Day” to completely take the holiday glee out of a girl.

I’m just saying.

I did manage to get my test rescheduled for the 30th (of this month). Someone apparently dropped out. It’s too early–I’m not going to be nearly ready enough, but the extension confirmation didn’t come in time, and I don’t know if anything would even be available in January and I just couldn’t risk it. I’d change now–but that would be another $100, and I am feeling very broke right now.

To bed for me, so I can wake up early and study some more!!

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22nd December 2005

Updates

I’m still not able to log on and reschedule the exam. Now, I’m getting error messages that I don’t exist. Lovely. And my phone is dead, so I can’t call anyone. *head bangs* At this rate, it’ll be next Christmas before I’m able to take it.

I need to get back to studying. Somebody force me to sit down and study.

Haven’t been Christmas shopping yet. That might be a problem. Hmm.

I did get my tickets to Kenya and my travel Visa, so everything is progressing well for my trip. Still haven’t gotten my shots. I’ll probably do that next week as a study break. Glee!

shirerain, claidheamhmor, and melancthe, here is my flight information for my trip to Kenya and South Africa. I haven’t bought the plane ticket from Johannesburg to Nelspruit yet, so I don’t know exactly when I’ll be seeing all of you, but this is a rough estimate.

South Africa, here I come!

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22nd December 2005

Playing make believe

Bride for Sale! Ooo! Pretty Julia!

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21st December 2005

Santa baby

Dear Santa Claus,

Can you believe it? Christmas is almost here! Well, I bet you haven’t forgotten, what with all the little elves scuttling around and all of the lists that you are double checking. It must be hectic! I hope everything is running on schedule and none of the poor reindeer are catching the horrible cold going around.

I’m really looking forward to this Christmas. A fresh, new Boyfriend, made especially just for me. Could a girl wake up to a better present? *happy sigh* I have complete faith in your taste, Santa dearest, and I know that you would never let a girl down, especially when she’s been so good for so long.

In fact, I have such perfect faith that you’re going to give me my greatest desire, that I have something to confess. I went wedding dress shopping* today. The very first dress I tried on fit like a glove and swirled around and I looked beautiful. Like a princess. If Boyfriend could have seen me, he would have proposed at that moment, I’m sure. It was a sign, it’s The Dress. So now, I’ve got the dress. I’ve got the location, the flowers, the jewelry and color schemes**. I’ve even got the first dance song. All I need is for you to fulfill your promise.

Only 4 more days! I shan’t be able to sleep in excitement, I fear!

Lots of love,

Julia

*Disclaimer. Dress was only tried on because Best Friend Liz was having her wedding dress fit (she actually has a groom too!) and the temptation was too great to resist. And I did look gorgeous. Pictures are forthcoming as soon as I can get them loaded from my camera (I don’t have the right cable), to be handed out to all of the eligible young gentleman of your acquaintance. If Santa doesn’t come through, I’m going to need a back up plan!
**Disclaimer 2. I really don’t have the flowers and location and the colors. But I do have the song. πŸ˜€

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21st December 2005

Once more

I had thought that my entry back home after the last of my interviews would be one of introspection, pros and cons lists of all the programs, description of my visit with Susan, etc.

But I wasn’t prepared for the catastrophe that awaited me here.

A little back story. Way back when, the Dean’s Office emailed me in a panic, stating that I had to register for my next part of my Boards, aka STEP 2 CK, before Dec 31st or woe, gloom and doom, would befall me. I had planned on taking it the last week in December for a while, and got on to register… only to find out that the only available date to take it was Dec. 20th. So I registered to take it then, dropped a class to fit in an accelerated study schedule, but I wasn’t very happy about it. And by the end of November, I was freaked out–there was no way with all of the interviews that I would be anywhere near ready.

About two and a half weeks ago, I was searching through and discovered to my excitement that someone had changed their schedule, and the test was available on the 28th of Dec instead. Perfect. So I rescheduled the exam, with a couple of clicks of a button.

Or so I thought.

Today, I had the thought that maybe, maybe Dec. 31st might be available (who wants to take it on News Years Eve?? Only crazy procrastinators like me), because any extra days of studying would be great now.

And I kept getting error messages. My scheduling number didn’t work. The confirmation number said that the test date had passed. And I couldn’t find an email that stated that the exam had been rescheduled.

Yeah, you guess the story. Somehow, the scheduling changes didn’t go through, and I missed the exam that I was scheduled to take today.

I panicked. Big time. I went up to the Dean’s Office, where of course everybody was gone (in their defense there has been a nasty cold/flu going around that I probably caught just by going up there). I managed to find someone, and between the sobs and hysterics (I don’t do well with life-ruining stress at all), managed to find a number to talk to someone. I can’t do anything for forty-eight hours–I can’t check and see if there are places/times available for me to even try to reschedule. Plus, I have to pay a “rescheduling fee” for missing the test, and if no places are available by the 31st, I have to pay an “extension fee” as well.

I have no idea if things are fixed (I almost put that in quotation marks as well), but I’m tired of worrying about it. I’ve done what I can. I’ve talked to everybody, called the big important people, and all of that. There’s a chance now that I won’t match with a residency, because apparently, the Dean’s Office tells them on Match Day whether or not I’ve passed the test (wow, that would have been nice to know six months ago!!!) and they can back out if I haven’t. All for something that wasn’t my fault.

I’m in better spirits now than I was earlier (I guess The Legend of Zorro was good for something after all!), but I’m still ready to go to bed and just start over tomorrow. Because it can’t be as bad, can it?

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14th December 2005

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I left my uncle this morning, with a hug and a promise to “come back soon.”

I don’t think either of us intended on it being so soon.

I won’t bore you with the details. Suffice it to say, I spent 9 hours in the airport today, waiting for a flight from Charlotte, so I could fly back to Charlotte to go to Indianapolis for my last interview. My flight was supposed to leave at 9:50. At 2:00, they finally confirmed that the flight had been cancelled. I then spent another 2.5 hours in line to change my flight to tomorrow morning. Beautiful.

It finally stopped raining here. Unfortunately, the storm is moving east … and North Carolina is expected to be hit with freezing rain right when my fly is supposed to land.

Tomorrow is going to be great!! My flight (hope, pray, wish) leaves at 7:00. Ugh.

I already confirmed the Medicine department that I’m not going to be there. Hopefully things will work out so I can interview on Friday with Neuro (what I wanted to do in the first place!). I won’t be able to come back to interview, so it’s now or never.

***

It’s been ages since I watched Alias (I always forgot that it got moved to Thursday), but how long has Amy Acker been on the show. I miss her as Fred. πŸ™

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13th December 2005

Someday they’ll know … The Real Me.

(Typed yesterday. Apparently all it took was connecting his internet to my computer. Sometimes I amaze myself.)

I am an extremely private person.

Those of you who have been reading this journal might be surprised to hear that, seeing as I am usually open and excessively verbose on this forum, but it’s true. Two and a half years ago, when I started this journal, I never foresaw that I would use it in such a way. At first, this was a place where I could update my faithful readers on the progress of my stories, or rant about not getting reviews, or expound on events in the world. Quickly, that mutated and became my actual journal–the place where I recorded my daily events and inner thoughts–things that I actually wasn’t telling friends in real life.

In conversation, I’m more than likely to start asking questions to my partner, and I rarely volunteer information (you’ll find that’s true if you IM with me as well!). You ask, I’m more than willing to answer (and then I talk too much!) — but you have to ask first. Part of it’s probably leftover from high school damage, the other is probably my personal psychological issues. I’m not really an introvert because I love being around people and I can usually charm anybody and expound on any issue. But I don’t talk about my current crushes, my dating life, my frustrations and insecurity–unless it’s 3 o’clock in the morning when I’m weak and vulnerable–then I’ll spill all of my secrets. (That’s why, besides the religious/spiritual reasons, that I will never touch alcohol. If sleepiness can make me so inhibited, I hate to think what alcohol would do). In college, Susan got me to talk, Sam and Liz can once in a while, but otherwise, I’m pretty close-lipped–I don’t even tell Chris half of what I say here!

Talking to the “outside world” has been different. This LJ has really allowed me to open up and be myself completely. As much as I care about all of you in friendlist land, I still don’t have to see your faces, your reactions after you read my entries, and that makes it easier, a little less personal. I can still pretend that I’m writing to myself in my private little journal, while getting the gratification of response and insight from other people–who don’t personally know who I’m talking about. And I can indulge myself in my gushings about fandom related stuff – something that I really try to rein in with real conversations for the sanity of all. It’s been perfect, I’ve made close friends, developed my writing skills, and found the vent that I needed.

Why am I saying all of this? Becka and I were talking yesterday about courage, taking chances and being open.–she’s been an amazing role model for that. I still can’t go up to any current crushes and demand that they notice me, but I did decide to make one very big, courageous (and completely unrelated) move for me.

My friends had been bugging me to tell them about all of my interviews and trips–and every time I opened up an email window, I froze. I couldn’t figure out how to say what I wanted to say–even though I had already said it here. It seemed so mechanical to write “and then I did this, and I decided this.” I thought about cutting and pasting from LJ–but so much of what’s been going on has been a process that it would have been a really really long email!

So for the first time, I made my entries public (for the time being. It makes me nervous being completely exposed to the crazies out there) … and I told my real life friends about my blog and pointed them all here.

Plethora, dear friends of mine, welcome to the ramblings and insights of Julia. I’m really nervous about this, much like if I had handed over my personal diary and read over your shoulder, watching your reactions. I hope you’re not too offended with me for keeping this from you. Feel free to make yourself at home–comment if you like, say hi to everyone else, get an LJ so I can make you legitimate and friend you properly. In some ways, I think I may have to ignore your presence until I get used to this–don’t take it personally, it’s just going to take me some time to adjust.

(More stories to come, including the excitement of 12 standardized patients in 6 hours plus 30 minutes for a “light meal” and another 15 minutes of break, where they threw away my cookie. Meanies. But I think I passed.)

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12th December 2005

houston we have a problem

I am in Houston, studying for my huge clinical skills exam tomorrow, where I interview and examine standarized patients in 15 minutes, then write a note in 10. It’s going to be loads of fun–8 hours of it!

I have just discovered that I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Or the combination of cigarettes, 5 cats, and a cocker spaniel. I’ve been sneezing uncontrollably and my eyes itch and my nose is stuffy. I’m staying with my great uncle, which at first seemed like a great idea to save money, and while he did warn me that it was a smoking household, this is proving to be a bit much. Hopefully, I’ll be able to sleep tonight and won’t wake up with a horribly scratchy throat.

I had a big post that I wrote on the airplane, but I can’t find a USB connection on my uncle’s laptop (besides the one where the mouse goes). So it’ll have wait until I can transcribe it tomorrow. It’s really starting to amuse me the various computer difficulties that I’ve had so far.

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10th December 2005

Visited States Map


create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

My trips over the last 2 months have added Minnesota, Wisconsin, New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire and Rhode Island, with Texas next week. I was soooo close to adding Maine when I visited Dartmouth, but there wasn’t a direct road over there, and I had only a few hours and ran out of time. But I did backtrack five miles, so I could claim Rhode Island. πŸ™‚ I’ve flown so many times out of the Atlanta airport, it’s unfair that I can’t add Georgia, but in my mind, airports don’t count until you step foot into the city. I’ve been across the Mississippi river from Missouri and can’t count that one either. *gnashes teeth*

Still, I had only been to the states in the west by the time I graduated college, so I’ve done a fair amount of traveling the last five years. I guess friends growing up, getting jobs and moving all over the country is a good thing after all!

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8th December 2005

Prodigal return

The prodigal returns, tired and weary and ready for the embrace of home. I only get it for a weekend, though. I leave again on Monday for another week of pointless testing and the last of the interviews. It’s been good, the programs have for the most part liked me, and I was impressed with several, but right now, I’m feeling very poor and tired and stressed out because I missed deadlines due to the lack of computer networks, and I have another interview tomorrow, so I have to get to bed right now.

I promise to fill in details later. For now, I just wanted to say hi and give hugs. Have missed you all.

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2nd December 2005

Tallyho!

Well, I’m sitting in a little cafe in Bridgeport, Connecticut right now. So far, during my travels, I’ve had extremely crappy internet service (in Buffalo, the wireless signal varied between little and no good and last night, there was plenty of signal, but I couldn’t get the correct IP address–something about their router have problems was my dad’s diagnosis), so in desparation, I went walking through downtown Bridgeport, looking for signal. They make incredible hot chocolate here.

Oh, _starsinhereyes, I passed by your college last night from the freeway. It was dark, so you probably didn’t see me waving. πŸ˜‰ You know, I actually had no idea what state your university was in, it shocked me when I passed by signs–you were at even less risk of me stalking you than you realized. Until now. BWAHA! Kidding–if I had realized it, we could have arranged for an impromtu Lit meeting, thereby defying the definition of impromptu. πŸ™

The excitement of the messy interviews is still ongoing. My interview that I was supposed to have with SB Medicine today, was changed at the last moment (after I had bought nonrefundable hotel reservations, of course). Apparently, I’m now following original plans and interviewing with both programs on Monday. At least I hope so. The neuro coordinator was trying to call me yesterday, but I was in interviews.

Buffalo also turned into more problems–for some reason, they had not seen that I had applied to the Med/Neuro program and therefore had not arranged for me to interview with the Med/Neuro program director–even though I distinctly remember telling them when I got asked for an interview. Lovely. I really am learning my lesson about triple confirming things! They managed to finally get a hold of him, and the chief resident drove me over there for an additional interview (which meant that I didn’t have time to see Niagra Falls as I had hoped)–and I may still have to return to interview in Medicine in the next few weeks, even though they promised that the decision was up to the Neuro people, not Medicine.

I think the interviews overall went well, and their neuro program is strong–I’d get excellent training in stroke and MS, which I really want. But I don’t think the combination is as strong or as supported as it is in Milwaukee. But they seemed to like me there and it almost felt like the position was mine if I wanted it. I liked Buffalo enough that I probably wouldn’t mind spending 5 years there, and I’d probably end up with the training that I needed as well, but it’s not my first choice.

The interview with the chair of the department was odd, I’m still not sure waht to make of it. He was disconjointed and rambling and asked me pretty much every one of the “taboo” questions–marital status (twice), religion, etc–and criticized my choice to pursue both fields (ugh, I am soooo sick of that!). But then he stared at me in astonishment, when I told him that I had only applied to Buffalo and Stony Brook in the east, and told me that I should have applied to Columbia and John Hopkins because I was a “very strong candidate”. *blink*

Right now, I’m trying to decide whether it would be worth it to cross to Long Island by ferry and see the area, or just wait until Sunday/Monday. I’m leaning towards the latter. It’s starting to look stormy as well and I think I missed the ferry over, so I’d have to wait another hour–and then what would I even do over there with no car and only three hours before I’d have to come back. Or maybe I’m just making excuses.

Ta!

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