left behind
I was going to write a very happy post about the joys of having your best friend come home three days early…
Of getting the chance to go to all of the “last time” places that you were going to miss because the best friend was gone…
Like Thai food. And Indian food. And today’s treat: real English afternoon tea, with sandwiches and scones and little chocolates (not to mention tea)…
Or the banquet tonight, held in honor of the graduates…
Where I was presented with an award for “distinguished service” (I apparently volunteered a lot. I guess all of those Saturday mornings were worth something)…
And the laughter and hugs with some very good friends that I’ve made in med school. Fellow classmates… spouses… single… married…
And the thought that I was one of the few who had become friends with all sorts of the “cliques” (yes, Virginia, they still exist in med school) and feeling quite good about that…
But I just got back from the “after banquet” party, and after sitting on the fringe, getting left out of conversation after conversation… and hearing hints (and blatant remarks) about parties and gatherings that I haven’t been invited too…
And feeling, once again, overwhelmed by the thought that this, all of this is ending and I’m leaving and I have to say goodbye…
That good feeling has dissipated, and I wish it would come back.
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juno_magic@livejournal says:
*hugs*
“Steps” by Hermann Hesse may cheer you up:
As every blossom fades
and all youth sinks
into old age,
so every life’s design,
each flower of wisdom,
every good attains its prime
and cannot last forever.
In life, each call the heart
must be prepared courageously
without a hint of grief,
submit itself to other new ties.
A magic dwells in each beginning,
protecting us
tells us how to live.
High purposed we must traverse
realm on realm,
cleaving to none as to a home,
the world of spirit
wishes not to fetter us
but raise us higher,
step by step.
Scarce in some safe
accustomed sphere of life
have we establish a house,
then we grow lax;
only he who is ready
to journey forth
can throw old habits off.
Maybe death’s hour too
will send us out new-born
towards undreamed-lands,
maybe life’s call to us
will never find an end
Courage my heart,
take leave and fare thee well.
Juno, that was beautiful. I’m not sure that it cheered me up, but it certainly was exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you.
*hugs*
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shirerain@livejournal says:
*enfolds you in hugs*
*hugs back fiercely*
I’ve missed you, Ellie.
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shirerain@livejournal says:
And I’ve missed you.
*hugs again*