This was one of my favorite quotes in college. I rediscovered it tonight.

Helena, a young physician (LOL), has been pleading her love for Bertram who is leaving the city. His mother overhears her and confronts her about her feelings. I used to have this memorized:

Then, I confess,
Here on my knee, before high heaven and you,
That before you, and next unto high heaven,
I love your son.
My friends were poor, but honest; so’s my love:
Be not offended; for it hurts not him
That he is loved of me: I follow him not
By any token of presumptuous suit;
Nor would I have him till I do deserve him;
Yet never know how that desert should be.
I know I love in vain, strive against hope;
Yet in this captious and intenible sieve
I still pour in the waters of my love
And lack not to lose still: thus, Indian-like,
Religious in mine error, I adore
The sun, that looks upon his worshipper,
But knows of him no more.

~All’s Well That Ends Well~

I don’t think it takes much analysis to understand why I love it so much. 🙂

I had an incredible day today. One of reflection and discovery that was quite unexpected. I’m reminded a quote that fileg used on a userpic that has been repeating in my head over the last couple of days. “All those things for which we have no words are lost” and perhaps that is why I’m mentioning this. I thought about being vague, but when have I ever succeeded at that?

I don’t remark about my spirituality/religion often here (I think this might actually be the first! I guess we’ll see how it goes…), partly because I know that much of my flist is areligious (a new word, coined by me. I likes!), but partly because I myself get frustrated over overzealous/preachy blogs (for a good, but irritating time, try this blog: http://www.homeschooledmedstudent.blog-city.com – try not to say anything too mean, she does not back down). However, that is a significant part of my life, and since this does serve as my real journal, it seems inappropriate not to mention it, at least for my benefit.

I’ve been feeling rather stale in terms of my spirituality recently. Nothing serious or worrisome (sorry folks, I haven’t come to realize that all religion is a sham. 😉 ), just feeling a little rudderless in spiritual direction. I do tend to get this way when I have big, life-changing decisions in front of me. I believe that I am guided to the places and people that are right for me, but it’s easy to lose the conviction of belief when the decision needs to be made right away and will affect the next several years of my life. So I’ve been seeking some spiritual advice from church leaders and was prompted to talk to my bishop (he’s the head of the local congregation. I have no idea how much you all know about Mormons… It’s a much different position than the Catholic bishop). Through him and the words he spoke, about things that I’ve never spoken of, I had my prayers undeniably answered today. I did. All of the fears about moving away, the loneliness and self-doubt and severe issues with self-esteem were revealed and I felt the love of God for me and my life. Affirmation that I am living the life that he wants me to live–even my desires for a medical career which to other eyes might seem completely incongruent with a church that preaches marriage and stay-at-home moms. And other answers that seem out of place to mention here. Understanding just a little bit about the purpose that he’s created for me, it’s given me a fresh outlook, new confidence, and new strength to conquer some of my fears. There’s only been a handful of times where I’ve received such a strong answer to prayer that went beyond thought or word or feeling; this was one of them.

I’m submitting my match list tomorrow (if I can find the sticker! And in my mess of a room, that’s not going to be an easy feat) and for the first time since this whole interview process started, I feel good about it. Still sad, yes, and trying not to think about my last months, but good and confident.