I decided to go through and collect all of the various icons that I’ve been practicing on over the last several months. (Why I’m doing this and not sleeping I don’t know–especially since I start my new rotation tomorrow and have no idea where I’m supposed to go).

I had started out making Olympic icons this year, and realized shortly that the icons that I really wanted to make were of skaters of the past. Unfortunately, all of the pictures that I could find of such skaters were of very poor quality, so these few were a bloody pain to make. And, yes, I realize that the Olympics are over, but I’m a nostalgic kind of person. If there is an interest, I have a few more pictures of the skaters that I could try to manipulate into something.

Quite a few are variations of each other–different coloring that is much more subtle once they are uploaded, different wording. Most of these are the product of late night emperimentation. You’ve been warned.

If you like any, could you let me know? Just an idea of what’s working, what should be avoided at all costs would be nice. 😀

Olympics (18 – including variations. 3 Sasha Cohen (inspired by behrbemine devotion), 3 Sergei Grinkov/Ekaterina Gordeeva, 3 Jamie Sale/David Pelletier, 6 Torvill/Dean, 1 Torino Olympic logo, 2 SLC Olympics (the best of all Olympics!!))
Olympics

I missed out on my chance to try for the iTunes billionth giveaway. I thought they still have 25,000 songs to go–I refreshed the countdown page, and it was over. 🙁

To rub salt in the wounds, iTunes then sent me my bill of the $37 that I had spent to just get one of the sub-prizes with no luck. I suppose I must console myself with the great music. I did end up sticking to mostly tried and true–I found some Loreena McKennitt songs (and since I felt guilty because all of the music that I have of hers is from CDs borrowed from the library, I had to get the few that I don’t have), Rob Thomas, and Vienna Teng.

It’s still disappointing. I was having such nice dreams of the 20″ iMac, surrounded by black and white iPods…

There have been funny moments associated with all of this that I must share. But first a bit of a background.

Flashback to the first year of med school. The reason Chris and I became friends was because he was in a friendship with a classmate named Candice, who developed a crush on him and told him so, just about the time when he started dating Melissa. Obviously, he didn’t reciprocate the feelings (and told her that frankly), and she had problems dealing with it. One of the problems was that they were study partners, and after that Candice felt uncomfortable studying with just him. So, she befriended me, and clueless little me was dragged into the entire mess. I had NO idea what I was getting into, I was just gleeful that I finally had friends (that’s not to say I didn’t have buddies in med school and study partners, I just wasn’t particularly close to anybody until then).

Chris made me laugh, I amused him as well, and before long, we were friends. That friendship deepened over the summer over emails, (he was in Ghana and I was recuperating from surgery) while the friendship between him and Candice completely withered. Candice and I were good while he was away–she came over and read Harry Potter (#5) aloud to me because my eyes couldn’t focus properly after the surgery (due to the anesthesia), but when he came back…well, it got ugly fast. The next semester consisted of me trying to be the glue between the two of them, Candice’s jealousy over the time I spent with Chris, etc. etc. Ironically, she’s the one that introduced me to LJ (Vindictive!Me wants to give out her LJ so you can read the entire saga over there. But I won’t. Because I’m good that way–the higher road and all of that) and a comment that I made on a post was what completely destroyed whatever remained of our friendship, while Chris defended me gallantly and has been my best friend since.

Since then, I could count on my hands the number of words that we’ve exchanged–and there’s been even less said between her and Chris. Candice doesn’t acknowledge our presence at all. The first few months really hurt, but I haven’t really minded or even thought about it much since then. I’m comfortable with knowing that I tried everything within my power to make that friendship work, and she was a very negative influence in my life and if I had stuck by her, I would have gotten the worse end of the deal.

So. To the present. Through a very rapid gossip chain, she found out that the wedding was off. And she called him. To tell him that she was very sorry and that if he ever needed to talk, she would love to go out for coffee and just talk.

ROFL! Wow, she didn’t take much time to try to slip in for some rebound lovin’, did she! I started giggling hysterically during the story and have been unable to resist ribbing Chris about how unforgettable he is.

I should give her the benefit of the doubt, that she was just trying to be friendly and supportive with no ulterior motives, but after three years of not talking, did she honestly think that he would just open up to her?? And seriously, three years on a crush where the guy told you to your face that he wasn’t interested, is even masochistic by my standards! Sheesh, give it up!

Part of me, the not-so-forgiving side that I don’t usually show people, has been seething at her mere suggestion that he didn’t have anybody to confide in. Um, hello? What do you think I’ve been? *stabs* Die, fiend! Chris has assured me that if he does need to talk, he’ll be calling me and not Candice. Am much relieved. Very glad that I came back in time to save him from resorting to desperation. *grin*

I’m trying to avoid going to bed for just a while longer, so that I might sleep all night long, so hence another post. I think having a computer connection and being back to my lovely Flower iMac has made me a posting fiend. 🙂 Four whole posts in one day! I’m insane!

I’ve been rather introspective due to everything that has been happening. As first year medical students, we took a class called “Physical Diagnosis” (it’s the class that I helped teach this past December), where you learn to do a physical exam, but more importantly, you learn how to conduct an interview and how to talk to patients (which really uses different communication skills than just carrying on between two friends or acquaintances). One of the first lessons was how important physical touch and sympathy were to establishing the rapport and caring between the patient and doctor–that illness affects us all and to be able to show concern is the best way to develop the relationship. At the end of the week, we had to perform an interview with standardized patient. I still remember the patient I had — an older woman, coming in to get some sleeping pills, where I discovered that her husband had died only a few weeks previously. I remember sitting there, trying to think of something to say, wondering how you could comfort somebody with such an acute loss, and feeling like an absolute failure.

I’m not sure that it has gotten easier since then. I’ve gotten better at placing my hand on a knee, leaning forward, holding patients’ hands after they found out that they might have cancer or some other horrible diagnosis, but the right words to say still seem to stick in my mouth. “I’m sorry” seems trite (and half the time followed up with “it’s not your fault”, which aggravates me to the point of grinding teeth.) At least the sympathy, which felt so fake during the first year (oh yeah, they were ACTORS. It was fake), is real and sincere now, and I care very deeply about my patients and all of their problems, but it doesn’t change that uncomfortable feeling of intruding.

I think I’m worse with my friends. That’s not to say that I’m a fairweather friend who disappears with the first sign of trouble, but that I feel like an absolute idiot in trying to comfort. It’s strange too; everybody seems to know how to comfort me, but that might be because I’m pretty simple that way–hug me tight, let me cry and rant, and I’m good to go. Honestly, I think this is the one area where having a male friend is more difficult, because I communicate my sympathies and pain at their heartache through touch, and Chris is not a touchy kind of guy.

I’ve been trying to be the best friend I can be through all of this, but it’s been hard. I distracted him with two hours of looking at pictures (“Lions. And more lions. And look, another picture of lions.”) and discussion of his trip to Thailand and our trip to Mexico (!!! – I was worried when I suggested tagging along, but he seems as excited by the idea as I am. And it will be our last time together for who knows how long.), but the conversation still seemed to wind back to the unmentionable, and I felt so lost as to what to say. I feel so much for him, but I can never find the words for it.

So a question… what are some of the best methods/words that you’ve found to comfort a friend? And in times of personal loss, what are some things that others have done/said that have made things if not better, then tolerable? I know that some of you have gone through incredibly hard times, and I’d really love some advice on how to be a better sympathizer and friend.

I love winter. I do. I get all excited over the possibility of walking in a snowstorm (much better than driving in one), or sitting wrapped in my fuzzy robe with a cup of cocoa in my hands. I even like the cold, if my feet are warm, which is a good thing, considering how the weather in Wisconsin is going to be brutal (you had to show those pictures, mrschimpf, didn’t you?). And honestly, I don’t really like summer — I hate being hot and I feel like I waste most of my energy moping around, whining about the heat.

That being said – the cold and snow here is not agreeing with my summer adjusted self. The skin of the sole of my feet have split (right across the blisters I developed from walking around Amsterdam, I might add) and I’m having a very difficult time walking. I can’t seem to get my feet warm, regardless of the number of socks I’ve put on and the toasty rice bag from the microwave seems to lose its heat the moment I take it from the microwave.

*sniff* I miss Africa…

And this is the first time that I’ve missed watching the Olympics. I haven’t even turned them on, since I missed most of the 16 days. I still have tapes at my parents home of the 1994 Olympics and after experiencing the Olympics here just four years ago, it’s a bit of a loss not being glued to the screen, admiring the athletes of their skill and grace that I completely lack.

I rarely do memes, but when you get one that is just so accurate… well, I couldn’t resist.

(And yes, I’m posting a ton today. I’ve been away from fast internet for a month! Deal. 😉 )

I’m not doing very well with the timing of the purchasing of music, if the on-line counter is anything to go by. I’m either under or over by at least 2000 songs. And since I’ve purchased more than $30 of music, I think this could turn pretty dangerous. There’s a reason that I don’t gamble!

After years of sleep deprivation and learning to fall asleep whenever I can (thank you med school!), I scoffed at the idea that I would be affected by jet-lag. My transition to Kenya time (which is in the same time zone as Moscow, Russia. How amazing is that??) was so smooth–I took my Ambien and slept like a log. I had a few days of some mild sleepiness for a few hours, but it passed very quickly.

I crashed mentally, absolutely exhausted, at around 5 pm yesterday (around 3 am in Kenya) and it was all I could do to keep myself awake until 10 (of course, I then got involved in checking my email so I didn’t actually go to bed until 11–addicted? moi?)… and woke up promptly at 5. The funny thing, is that the times really aren’t corresponding to my sleep cycle in Africa, so I’m not sure what’s happening.

I’ve been spending the morning surfing iTunes, because I’m bound and determined to be at least one of the 100,000 download winners (http://www.apple.com/itunes/1billion/) and since I only found out about it this morning, I have only a few chances left. I’m now the proud owner of the “Rob Thomas – iTunes Originals Album” and have been swooning listening to Rob talk about making sweet music all morning. I own 114 songs sung by Rob in one band or another. That tops Eva Cassidy (84), Loreena McKennitt (63), Fisher (61), and Carbon Leaf (51). Rob is not the most populous artist on my playlist, however. At 162 songs, Alan Parsons takes that award. 🙂

I have been out of the music world for quite some time, and I’m running out of ideas of songs to purchase (not to mention money). Suggestions of songs that I must, must have? New or old, it doesn’t matter. I just want a chance at a black nano!

Today, I was close to consumed by a Lion. Most improper for a Lady to end her Life.

Luckily, some Very Brave and Couragous locals helped assist in fending off the Deadly Beast. My Shoes, alas, have seen Better Days and I fear will never recover.*

🙂

I leave the continent of Africa in approximately 3 hours. It is truly depressing to see my time here come to a close. I feel like I’ve been here a lifetime and yet, there’s still so much that I want to see. Especially here in South Africa. Six days down here in South Africa was much too short and I’ve vowed, someday, to return.

To my dear friends, shirerain, melancthe and claidheamhmor, thank you so much for the hospitality, warmth and welcome that you have given me. I have never enjoyed days more than I have the few that I’ve been here. It has been such a wonderful time and I really, sincerely hope that one day, you can travel to the US and I can show you as great of a time.

{{{HUGS}}}

*details and pictures will be forthcoming when I return to American soil.*

I realized last week that the posts that I thought I had been emailing to LJ were getting lost in cyberspace… And here I thought you all were ignoring me!

Anyway, I’ve finally had time, so I’ve gone back and posted more adventure stories. You can read them all at the following URLs:

http://jcd1013.livejournal.com/56047.html
http://jcd1013.livejournal.com/56165.html
http://jcd1013.livejournal.com/56572.html

If you’re a Plethorite, it’s the same stuff as what was on the emails, so don’t read back through if you don’t want to!

Only two and a half more days and my time in Kenya will be at an end. It truly is amazing how fast the time goes…

(to be continued…)

Not much of an update this time. Things haven’t changed much since my last letter on Monday. Wards are still difficult. I don’t mean to complain, but having a 19 year old suffer a heart attack and died and not being able to do anything about it, watching another 30 year old get sicker and sicker and finally end up in a coma without anybody knowing why (or bothering to find out. That was the most frustrating. He died this morning right before rounds) has a way of bringing down the even most optimistic spirit. And to add to it all, I spent 30 minutes this afternoon coding a one month old. He was sick with chicken pox, which thanks to vaccines is almost nearly gone in the US (such an odd concept to think that we’re eradicating a disease that I have scars from!)–but to little tiny babies with no immune systems is very very bad. One of the attendings from IU told me this afternoon that I should come and see the baby, since it’s becoming such a rare disease and I might not ever see the lesions again, so we went over this afternoon, with medications to help control the infection. We were just in time to see the baby stop breathing, with no heart rate. So we found a small mask and air pump and pumped air into his little lungs and compressed on his chest, until we got a heartbeat, and the baby started gasping–which was better, but not very assuring of his longterm survival. And there’s nothing more that we can do. There are two ICU beds with ventilators–but they are over on the surgery ward and completely full, so it really is unlikly that this little fellow will make it.

It was very hard on me. It was the first time that I’ve actively participated in a code and to see this tiny baby just lay there… well, I don’t think I can put words to my emotions. Worse was that I so desired to help, to do something to bring life back, and yet there wasn’t much I could do. He was so small, that there wasn’t room to be of assistance, and I hated standing at the back, waiting.

Anyway, that’s been this week. I’ll be rounding tomorrow morning, and then the Utah group (with all of the husbands that arrived this week–which is why, I’m sitting in my room typing this, because I finally have an wireless card!) is headed to spend the weekend at Lake Naivasha, where we’re going to be boated across to see some hippos and do a walking safari on the island where they filmed Out of Africa. There’s apparently a large python that is the “Where’s Waldo” adventure of the trip. It should be a good time–and because I now have a functioning camera, I should be able share the good times with all of you!

Hi Everybody!

First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your congratulations! They made me smile. I was glad to have a few of you express regret that I was moving across the country—otherwise, I would have thought that you were just overjoyed to get rid of me! To answer a few of the questions, yes, I did want to go to Milwaukee, it was my first choice (and I was overjoyed to find out that I was theirs), they are a great program, and as nervous as I am to leave, I don’t regret for one minute ranking them first. It’s going to be a good thing for me.

I realized this weekend, that while I have been emailing and updating in terms of my match stuff, I really haven’t written about being in Kenya for a while. Part of that’s due to the fact that I came down with the “Nature’s revenge” and spent much of last week, feeling like I couldn’t sit for long periods to even email. But Cipro is magic and I’m doing much better now.

Cut to be nice

For better or for worse…

I have been accepted at the Medical College of Wisconsin in the Medicine/Neurology combination program. I’ll be spending the next five years in Milwaukee, starting in late June.

🙂

I did start to cry. Luckily the room was empty, so there wasn’t too much embarassment. I am excited and a little stunned and nervous and worried and homesick and a million other emotions. It’s going to take me a while to process everything and really come to terms, but for now, I’m happy.

I find out my match results in about two and a half hours.

That is, if the internet connection stays up. It’s been extremely finicky today.

My day can be summed up in one phrase: “a mouse ran by my feet this afternoon.”

Those of you who know me know my overwhelming fear and loathing and disgust of mice. I’m completely unable to deal with them – I can’t help the shriek and jumping to higher ground. I can’t. It’s worse if I’m feeling exposed in some way – and today, I was wearing a knee-length skirt and shoes that were open in the back. I know it’s irrational and they can’t hurt me, but I was right behind my mother when she stepped on a mouse and I can still remember the sound that it made. And I’m still haunted from reading “The Long Winter” by Laura Ingalls Wilder and reading how Pa woke up from a dream of going to a barber and found a mouse chewing off his hair. *shudder*

The thought of going back to the hospital tomorrow … the day after … three weeks … knowing that not only do I have to deal with the smell (which has gotten exponentially worse since the first day), but I have to worry about the scurrying gray bringers of plague, has seriously made me consider finding some horrible disease to contract so I don’t have to go in.

*sigh*

The day had started out well, with the chance to round with the neurology resident and the cool consults she had. I was excited.

Man, ignorance is bliss.

Jambo! That’s Swahili for hi!

It’s hard to believe that I’ve only been gone a week—I feel like I’ve been gone for months. There’ve been some moments of stress—like discovering that my Rank List for the Neuro match had not been delivered to where it was supposed to go and that I only had a few hours to somehow get a copy of it before the deadline. I’m kinda worried about what’s going to go wrong on Match Day, since everything else has. Luckily, with the time differences, there’s some wiggle room so I can figure things out, but ugh. The resident that I’m working with is from Indiana and she’s applying for fellowship in Pulm/Critical care and is having a disaster as well—apparently they’ve all sent invitations to interview through the mail, and she has her mail forwarded to come here, so that by the time she’ll get the letters, the interview dates will be filled. She also said that she had a lot of problems with the match for residency, where they mixed up her rank list order (and wouldn’t let her change it), and she ended up at Indiana, when she really wanted to go to North Carolina. *shudders* I can’t imagine going through something like that, but she seems pretty happy in Indiana, so I guess it worked out well. She’s going to be a chief there next year, so if I do end up going there, I’ll know somebody.

African experiences, week 1, part 2

I honestly need to stop saying that “such and such was the worst day of my life” because invaribly, something will come up that will completely and thoroughly dethrone the title. Today would be one horribly example.

I discovered today–when it struck me that today was the deadline for my rank link and it might be a good idea to confirm that the SF Match had received the packet mailed last week (overnight of course)–that the address provided to send the Rank List to, was no longer accurate. And my rank list is sitting in some unknown place in San Francisco waiting for “somebody” to pick it up.

In other words, on Match Day (Jan 26th) when everybody else finds out they’re going to the place of their dreams, I would be SOL and without a place to be next year.

I’ve faxed my rank list (thank goodness I thought to bring it with me!) to SFMatch, call my sister to verify where I sent it, called my dad and had him call SFMatch (he only got voice mail with the promise that they’d return the call at “their earliest convience”. Still haven’t heard a word from them), faxed a copy of my match list to my dad and had him fax it (in case it didn’t go through because I’m international), emailed them myself high priority, emailed my student affairs office who also emailed and called them, emailed my programs who very promptly wrote back with numbers (alas the same ones that I had) and I can’t think what else. I’ve been on the computer for hours (since about 3 in the afternoon here), trying to fix things, and waiting to hear from somebody who knows anything. There’s nothing else that I can do now. The deadline is in one hour. Either they got it, or I’m still SOL.

This has just been such a nightmarish process, the entire application thing. I thought that everything went wrong when I was applying for med school, but that was just a transcript that wasn’t declared official the first time, and a letter that arrived a little late. It’s been nothing like the constant mess that this has been. If I didn’t know that I really really wanted to do this and that it was the right decision for me, I would so give up. Because, right now, it does not feel like it’s worth the stress and heartache and continual worry.

I’m really irate at the Matching Program right now for not having any kind of accessible contact information in case something goes wrong, and for providing the wrong address in the first place. I did not invent that address–I distinctly remember printing off the address sheet and writing the address out in the post office, exactly as they had it. But of course, once (if) I hear from them, it will be labeled as my fault for not submitting the list earlier.

I just didn’t need this.

(copied from email. It’s easier that way)

Hi everybody!

Well, I made it safe and sound to Africa, with only a mild (ha!) case of air sickness to spoil the trip. Of course, I forgot quite a few essentials—medical tools (I really could use my reflex hammer. And my pin light), medical books, gloves, a watch and the Wireless Access Card for the 15 pounds laptop that I lugged all over 4 international airports. So now, I have a computer and no way to hook it up to the internet — the precise reason that I brought it. Luckily, there are some (albeit incredibly slow) desktops provided here, I just have to compete for them. It’s not going to make match day fun (but that whole experience is just not fun period), but I guess I’ll figure it out. And when Rachel’s husband comes in ten or so days, he’s willing to bring the card. So, Karin, if you could look in the green computer bag and see if there happens to be a small card, I’d greatly appreciate it. If not, dad, the computer’s a Compaq Presario 2100. I have no idea how old it is. If there’s more information that you need to see if you have a card that works, let me know.

So I’m typing this out on the internet-less computer, with the hopes to transfer it to the desktop (I did remember to bring my memory stick! Yay for me!), and as it takes a while, I’m making this a group email to everybody. I promise individual emails soon — especially if I get emails back (hint, hint).

It’s hard to believe that I’m halfway across the country. Actually, it’s not. There are some very obvious differences — the first being that it’s probably 70 degrees and sunny and there’s blossoms on all of the trees!

We arrived in Nairobi on Saturday night and all except for our attending’s, luggage managed to make it with us (not to worry, his came the next morning). We spent the night in a very posh hotel — except for the fact that the beds were very hard and the power flickered (while I was 7 stories up in the air, trapped in the elevator, I might add) and the place had 13 feet gates around it with guards, and the ZEBRAS in the field across from the hotel, one might have thought Dorothy was still in Kansas.

More African experiences

Dear diary,

Today, I kissed a giraffe. I think I’m in love.

Have arrived safely in Africa. Got horribly airsick–the details of which I will spare you–but other than that, everything’s been great. Now, I need to get to bed, because I’m surrounded by mosquitos and I don’t want to get malaria. Or African sleeping sickness. Will update with details (and pictures of my new lover Daisy!) later.