There are times when I hate being part of two residency programs.

I found out today, that fellowship applications “open” on 12/1 for the July 2011 positions, meaning that programs start downloading information and offering interviews. Yes, that’s right 12/1. I only found out about it today, because it’s the medicine fellowships that use this program, and not neurology (complicated and boring as to why) and one of the internal medicine people sent out an email reminding everybody. Because I’m s doing neurology rotations right now and had limited contact with the medicine side, I didn’t realize this. I haven’t gotten letters of recommendation, put together my lame CV, started brainstorming for my personal statement. I haven’t even gotten the registration token yet!

I still have time, I think, to get everything ready. It’s not a hard and firm deadline, but I feel like I’ve been treading water and really just struggling to find the time, find the motivation to do it all and confronting this paralyzing fear of rejection. I haven’t been able to get up the courage to ask for letters and I’m not sure why.

I’ve been having a little more trouble with my wrist. Not much and more related to the fact that I sleep with my wrists in odd positions, but enough to make me wonder if I should take an extra year before starting fellowship and get those kind of things taken care of. Apply next year instead of this year and get surgery (or steroid injections), go through physical therapy, work as a hospitalist or possibly overseas in between. I just wish I had clear answers.

I’m meeting Chris and Gretchen at freakishly early in the morning for breakfast, so I’m off to bed and not able to linger on these matters. I do plan to devote a good chuck of my four glorious days off (!!!) to doing the applications. Maybe once I get into to it, things will fall better into place.