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7th November 2011

SYLTH v.2011-1

SYLTH v.2011-1

Here’s the list I brainstormed to blog about:

  •  A response to Susan’s blog about lifelong friends and how, whoa, it reflected all of the feelings.
  • A recap of Liz and Edgardo’s visit a few weeks ago
  • A recap on Chris and Gretchen’s visit two weeks ago
  • My feelings about fellowship: what’s been good. What hasn’t.
  • My solutions to San Francisco’s traffic problems and how it would make everybody (ie me) happier
  • Reflections on my new church congregation and getting kicked out of my old ward
  • Finally finishing up the entries I wrote from the beginning of summer: my cousin Jill’s visit, my graduation, the move across country
  • More moping about the house (two showings this week! 🙂 No offers! 🙁 But the hardship letter is done and submitted and hopefully didn’t sound to terrible.
  • My feelings about the latest season of Downton Abbey
  • Things I like about San Francisco (there are a few, I promise)
  • The allure of the “real job” in just a year and a half; I’ve got some serious daydreaming going on right now!
  • So You’re Like That Huh. Which I begged and begged [info]bjorks_defender to post and then never did. And for which I’m consumed in guilt for not doing.

The last one is winning out. Guilt is a very strong motivator. 🙂

1. You’ve just run into the person you were five years ago. Give yourself a piece of advice.
You are an intern. A wee baby doctor. Right now, it’s one of the busiest months of your entire intern year. You hate your senior (even though you’ll become friendish with him in a few months or so. Your attendings are demanding and weird (and yet, you’ll become facebook friends with one of them by the time you graduate too..). Make time for your friends. These people that you work with: they are your family. In a few months, Karem will have a massive head bleed and almost die. Mohammed will get married and move away. Kara will find a boyfriend who then becomes a husband and she becomes a mother. Go out with them, go to every neuro dinner that you can, even if you’re sleep deprived. Go dancing with Sima (why did you never go dancing with Sima?). Hang out with Aish, and get to know Katie because she and her husband Craig are the best people ever.

Oh, and there’s a girl in your ward by the name of Sarah who just broke her hip – vist her. And two Lauras and Brittany and Michelle. Friend them now. You’ll become friends with them within a year, but these women are special, so why don’t you get on that now? You’ll be very glad if you do because they will squee with you over the mundane and live life to the fullest and you should have more Friday night movies and backyard campfires. They will encircle you with love and trust.

In a few months, a few years, they’re going to move away, a few more than that, you’re going to move too. And you want those friendships to last forever. Please remind current-me, 5-years-ago-me, to call them now.

And stay away from Aaron, the med student. He’s not interested. Or worth it. Ditto for the guy you met at the bishop’s house a few weeks ago (and will reconnect with this weekend). Really – believe me on this.

2. What one word would you say best describes your country?
I’m going to use two. Apathetically impassioned. Especially since elections are coming up tomorrow. Everybody’s got their opinions (and loudly) but you can bet that voting turn out is going to be something like 15-20%. I’m included in the nonvoters this year – I’m keeping my registration in Wisconsin for now, so I can sign the petition and vote for the recall of Scott Walker and the idiotic senator who “represents” me, but I forgot to get an absentee ballot. Shoot.

3. What was your favorite moment of the past week?
Dinner with Prem. Prem has been a mentor to me – he’s one of the med-neuro group (two years ahead of me), and has been one who helped guide me into critical care. Plus he’s unbelievably hilarious. You should hear his stories about when he was a med student and spent a summer as a bum on an island in Malaysia because he couldn’t find a ride back to the mainland. His wife is awesome too and they had a baby a couple of years ago after they moved away. So, so, so awesome to reconnect.

4. What place are you most tranquil in?
The mountains. Five years away has definitely made me realize that I am a nature girl, and I love being in the mountains. My lifelong dream is to retire and become a campground host.

5. What is your strongest emotion?
Hmm. Right now – worry. Endless worry about not knowing enough, not being smart enough, not being good enough for this fellowship. Worried about how I’m going to do a research project when I kinda hate research, but how I won’t get a job if I don’t do a research project and freaking about about K grants and everything related to an academic position. Worried about getting a job in just a year and a half and wow, that’s not very long at all. Worried about the house. About the short sale. And what happens if the short sale doesn’t happen. And foreclosure. And how I’ve probably screwed everything up. My grandfather, I’m told, was a worrier and died from ulcers caused by his worrying. And even though I know that bacteria and acid and possible medications were more of the cause, well, I’ve never been so close to a nervous breakdown before. I’m okay (really, I promise), but I can’t stop the niggling little dread of “what if I can’t handle all of this?”

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