I can honestly say that these last months have been some of the most depressing I’ve ever experienced.

Moving to a new, overwhelming, busy, big city (I have discovered that I am a country mouse). Leaving all of my friends behind. New responsibilities. New medical systems and new expectations that take forever to figure out. Still waiting to find out whether or not I passed my medicine boards. And then the on-going house drama (the short update: the buyer didn’t qualify for a loan. No other offers. This. Sucks.), which has basically drained me of all happiness. Every time I feel like I’m made a little progress, it’s all taken away from me. It’s been hard to be motivated to do anything. I won’t tell you the list of things that I need to get done that I haven’t touched.

It’s National Blogging Month. As a yearly NaNoWriMo nonstarter, Nablopomo has been much more my style and this will be my 4th year straight (although I failed last year). But then, I’ve blogged, what 5 times in the last 6 months? This might be a little more difficult this time. I’m so rusty. What did I used to talk about here? I haven’t wanted to blog because my thoughts have been so negative and black and unhappy. In years to come, I honestly don’t want to read my journal documenting these months. But there have been some positive things in my life (friends visiting, finally clicking with some of the neurology residents to where we might be friends), and so I’m going to try again.

Mon of thanks: I am thankful for comfortable shoes. Last month, I had to wake up every morning at 5 am (okay, it was really closer to 5:30, and I was late pretty much every morning) and we rounded for 6-7 hours. I’m a very, very boring shoe person and have one pair of shoes that i wear pretty much everyday and overall, I’m able to stand for hours without too much pain. A small blessing.

(For a visual representation of my last few months, Allie’s latest Hyperbole and a Half comic was spot on. Highly recommended reading (warning for language).)