The year of 2006 is now dead, settled into his grave, as the New Year now takes over reign. But, as is my nature, I could hardly let him go without a eulogy.

Highlights, month by month (with pictures! Lots and lots and lots of pictures)

The day spent in Chicago with Chris was almost, almost enough to wipe away all of the taint from my evil resident and this horrible week.

I’m not quite ready for Monday, but at least I won’t be throwing things at my poor defenseless alarm clock.

Plus, I only have two days left with him, really only a day and a half, since he is on call tomorrow, and therefore will be leaving by noon on Tuesday. It’s survivable.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support. Don’t worry, I wasn’t too injured by my resident’s behavior–I’ve know that he was a jerk and more since the first time I worked with him in August (and the repeat verse is so much worse than the first). He’s a hypocrite and a very unpleasant person (except to patients.. he belittles me (it’s subtle, but it’s there) when we’re in the room together, but he’s as sweet as baklava to them, so now I have a couple of my patients asking me to leave during family conferences or doing procedures. Gee thanks). But this will be the last time I will ever have to interact with him for an extended period of time.

I think I rather like Chicago, tall buildings and all, and probably will now make time to go and visit on spare weekends.

This was the last time I’ll see Chris, or anybody from home, until at least May. So maybe I’m not as entirely happy as the mood there suggests.

It’s so hard going to bed after a day off… Going to bed means the day has ended and tomorrow another day at work begins.

I’m worn out from work. I’ve been carrying 8-10 patients for a week now, discharging one, only to collect another 3…or a bouceback, a patient that I had only just discharged. The Q3 call (call every three nights) for 3 straight calls bled me dry and I’m only now recovering, only to face another call (my last!) on Wednesday. All things come to an end… Thursday will be the end of this rotation, just in time for me to move back to neurology with the three pagers and even more painful calls. (But on the plus side, another 2+ weeks in the NICU! yay!)

I tried to spend the day doing things around the house, namely scrapping paint off the wall again. It is excruciatingly slow, and I’m getting frustrated. I want to be done! I want my room to be pretty and painted brightly in one color that I picked out, not still finding deeper layers of paint below the salmon pink.

Plus, Chris is coming to visit in a week. One week from tomorrow. Guh. How could it have come up so quickly? He’s doing an interview tour, and I’ll only get to spend like twenty minutes with him, but it’s twenty minutes more than the usual. He’ll stay the night on Tuesday and hopefully find someway to entertain himself while I’m at work and then we’ll meet up before he takes off for the next destination. I’m hoping to get off early… I found out the exact days he was coming too late and I can’t get the day off. The plan is to then meet him in Chicago for the weekend…. I’ve avoided going to Chicago like the plague, but I don’t think I’m going to be successful this time. Anybody with any suggestions of what to do there?

In any case, I want things ready when he comes, show off my pretty house, and that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. *sigh*

Nonmedical update on the rest of my life upcoming, I promise.

Chris and I play word games all of the time, an old habit fostered in the early days of our friendship. Sometimes, it’s a matter of dropping impressive words into conversation (I think we probably annoy those around us because we’re constantly interrupting to state “oh, good word!” to the one that succeeds). Other times, we play passing synonyms back and forth (sometimes with the same letter to make it even more difficult!) until one (usually it is he) is declared the winner.

Because of this, I’ve rediscovered my dictionary and thesaurus. Probably something that I should have done a long time ago (would have helped my pronunciation of all of those latin medical words, as I was never hooked on phonics. I can spell, but I can’t speak), but better late than never. It’s not that I have a poor vocabulary (despite how I sound here in LJ), but in the moment, the specific words rarely come to me and I end u saying things like “it’s lots of fun” and sounding like I’m ten. So I’m striving to improve that, by integrating the new vocabulary as I learn it (another lesson I should have learned from grade school!) And I’m always on the hunt for good words to speckle conversations.

Tonight’s word came from reading a patient’s medical record, where in the general physical portion, the doc described the patient as “loquacious.” He was obviously an attending–the medical resident on call possesses few brain cells more than required to just write “alert, oriented and in good health”–finding that just perfect adjective to describe how the patient is interacting with you requires high brain function only obtained with a well rested mind.

Nonetheless, I’ve filed the word away, awaiting with baited breath to drop it in conversation with Chris. Because this will impress his socks off. 🙂

**yes, I am posting at 4 in the morning, because my dear resident and attending allowed me to go home four hours early. Sweet! And now it is to bed. I have my house to tackle tomorrow (er… today)

I’ve got that bleak, almost sick feeling to my stomach tonight. Guilt. About everything that I should have done with the accident yesterday and didn’t. Worry that it’s going to mess everything up with my insurance. Even though there’s nothing that I can do about it now, it still is making me ill.

Add to the fact that Chris now tells me that he’ll be gone 3-4 days of the week that I’m going home. He forgot when I was coming, even though I’ve told him every time I’ve talked to him the last month. Lonely. And Liz will be gone for a few days as well. I wonder why I’m even bothering going. I’ve been looking forward to this, forever, finally being home and with the people that I’ve missed and it’s not going to be anything.

New rotation tomorrow. ER. Haven’t exactly decided if I’m looking forward to it or not. Lots of days off. 8 hour shift work, both are pluses. But it’ll be busy and stressful. And right now, I’m just not wanting that.

Days off are the most wonderful things in the entire world.

Especially when they are filled with the company of a dearly loved, old roommate. Allison and I didn’t do anything real exciting, but I showed off my house and we hung my pictures, so it looks a little more like a home and I got to sleep in (until 10:30. It was bliss) and it was just wonderful. She lives close(r), so there are promises of repeated adventures.

I can’t wait for my next day off!

Especially since it promises to be even better, as Chris is finally coming home!! I won’t get to see him, but oh, the mere thought of talking to him, hearing his voice, is sheer bliss. Am very, very excited. 😀 😀 😀

So, per my suggestion, Chris has been keeping a travel blog, which has been great fun reading and “seeing” what he’s experiencing (Google has never gotten such a workout before!). Mind you, on his last trips, I was lucky to get an email a week–and most of those were 3 lines long, so this has been a nice change.

I emailed Chris early early Tuesday morning, he responded later that morning (there’s a 14 hour time difference), I wrote back and then have commented on virtual every one of his posts. Today I got this whiny email (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) about how everybody’s reading his blog and nobody’s writing him now. ROFL! I’ve turned my friend into a comment fiend!! He will never be able to escape the siren lure of the blogging world now!

****
On a side related note… he knows I keep a blog, and now that he has one, I know that I’m going to start getting some questions about it (or he’ll start searching for it, which is not hard to find if you know me well). Which is making me nervous. It was hard enough opening up my LJ to the Plethora, but that has actually been really nice–I love knowing that Michelle and AJ and sometimes Liz and whoever else that reads and hasn’t told me are keeping up to date with my life (although I still need to do better about writing emails to the Pleth–I’m horribly, unforgivably lazy about that). But opening it up to the person who’s been involved in half of the stories and who features prominently in the telling of those stories? Beyond scary. I have no idea how he would react–I don’t know how I’m going to react!

For now, I’ve decided that he’s too busy traveling and cavorting to locate my journal, so I can relax for a while… but I’ll have to make the decision before I move of whether I’m just going to give him the location…or go through and make everything friends only again (old stuff, new posts would still be mostly public).

****
Both Sam and Susan are in town, which had me giddy with anticipation all last week and I’ve barely seen either of them. Sus and I were to spend all day Friday and most of Thursday together, but something happened in Chicago and they cancelled all the flights on Thursday, so she didn’t come in until later on Friday. We hung out and went to a barbeque, but we didn’t really get a chance to do a good heart-to-heart chat that I’ve been longing for.

Sam, on the other hand, is in the area helping move her mom and as always, with every visit of hers, there’s been unexpected drama, this time involving her sister, which meant she left for Idaho much earlier than anticipated, and so I might be lucky to see her tomorrow afternoon as they pull the Uhaul out of town. *mourns*

Dear LJ

I am really, really getting tired of losing my pretty layout and settings. Sure it comes back eventually, but there’s a reason that I pay to have my pretty Anne picture as a header and the soft blues and greens that go so well together, because I like them better.

Fix it. I don’t care how. Or I will be making demands for repayment.

No love,
Julia

~*~

Dear CW network

You are morons. I hope you go bankrupted in two months. I will not be watching.

No love,
Julia

~*~

Dear Everwood

Can it be? You and I only have two more weeks together? *mourns* I shall miss you with your warm humor and delightful characters. However, may I offer one bit of advice? Perhaps if you didn’t have a cancer scare, a subdural hematoma that required surgical intervention (although injured!Bright was adorable), and a heart attack in one episode, we might be having a longer relationship together? Much as I love you, that was a little over the top. And I DON’T want to be crying at the finale, so everybody had better be alive and off to happy-ever-after-land, you got it?

Much love,
Julia

*****
From juno_magic:

Name ten of life’s simple pleasures that you like most (actually these will just be the 10 pleasures that strike me right now).

(I decided to forego the 6 facts about me, because I’ve been plugging away on the “100 random facts about me” meme that went around months ago and I don’t think I could come up with 106 different things about me!)

The simple pleasures (in good ol’ Late Show countdown fashion)

I did not want this day to come. I’ve been dreading it for three months, the looming black mark on May 22. And yet, even at 5 in the morning, it’s already come and gone without my consent.

I’m heartsick right now. But I did good, because I did not cry. Those have stayed behind numbed eyes until now.

Namárië, my dear, wonderful friend. Thank you for three years of love, support, friendship, kindness, laughs, tears, conversation, word games, Foosball, stair-climbing, emails, late night studies, dinners, hugs, and a million other gestures that could never be embodied in words but will always be cherished.

I usually get emotional at series endings. I do. Years ago, I wept over “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” although I had seen maybe two eppys. They represent a change, a era of life that is now over–and I always get emotional at life changes (wow, you didn’t know that, did you?). We won’t even talk about the waterworks seen with the ending of X-Files. Voyager. Mad About You. Etc.

Many a tear was shed tonight… of utter joy and of utter horror. I mean, 7th Heaven? Ending not with one pregnancy, but three sets of twins, I just about gagged. And the whole flashback scenes or the dream “here’s how the wedding ends” dream sequences… *shudders*

I know I have several friends in LJ who like 7th Heaven… so I’ll stop now. But I am not going to miss that show. Not at all.

Everwood, however, was awesome. They so know how to handle human emotions and making them real, so even though I’m irrate at their actions, I still love the characters. Anyone heard if they’ve announced which shows they’re keeping next year?

I have to admit that I have a weakness for TLC shows. Like “Little People, Big World” or “What Not to Wear”. Or my newest favorite “Jamie Oliver Does School Lunch.” I’ve had such a crush on The Naked Chef… I think it’s the accent. And the fact that he cooks.

Started physical therapy today. I’ve been to these same therapists for the last 4 surgeries, so I’m kinda fond of them. They’re older women and very good. My therapist was impressed with all of the progress that I’ve made–although, I wish I had just a bit more movement. But that’s why we go to the therapist. That and the wonderful, massaging electrodes… Mmm. Sweet pain.

Nothing else to report really. I’m flying out to Milwaukee at the end of the month to look at places to live–whether I buy or not is still up in the air. But that’s all the excitement in this port. 🙂

ETA: I was just looking though some old emails and found the link to Chris and Melissa’s wedding site. It’s still up. The counter on the bottom says “Four days until the big day” and there are smiling pictures of the couple on every page. I haven’t seen Chris look that content for a long time. The tears in my eyes are real this time… It still sucks, you know?

I raised my arm above my head!

I washed my hair with both hands! (getting to shower was Thursday’s accomplishment)

I put on my contacts! (okay, I lost my glasses last night and can’t find them anywhere)

I wore a bra! (too much info, eh?)

And… I drove my car! (we’ll just avoid left-handed turns for a while)

Whee!

Had dinner with a couple of Chris’s friends tonight. He’s been staying with them since the big breakup and housesat while they were gone (it was their lumpy little couch that has made so many appearances in my recent entries). It was a rather quiet affair–everybody seemed to be exhausted, but it was nice being around people and getting out of the house. I’m tired of feeling like an invalid.

Chris leaves for Mexico tomorrow morning. It’s still just so unreal, that only three months ago, he was going to be getting married in a week. May 13th. And now he’s not. I still have their “save the date” magnet, they broke up right before the invitations were sent. It still makes me so sad at times, although I’m still royally pissed at her and can barely be tolerant when I see her. It’s a good thing. It really is, but oh, being there is going to be hard on him. I’m trying to think of clever little emails that will cheer him up, or distract him, but so far, I haven’t come up with anything.

Anyway, he’ll be gone for about 11 days. Home for 3 days for graduation (he’s going to walk with us! I just about squeed when he told me, and I try very hard not to *squee* in RL). And then off to Asia, and that will be the end of the Julia-n-Chris years.

But we’re not thinking about that now. Better to concentrate on the pile of paper work that I have to do for the new job and the paper I have to finish before I can graduate. It never ends, does it?

And the million dollar question… Do I really want it to?

Surgery was survived and a good time was had by all.

Well, not really. But it wasn’t too bad.

Surgery happened pretty much as planned. I arrived at 7 in my yellow pj bottoms and I was wheeled back for surgery around 9:20. They gave me Versed so I don’t remember anything that had happened after that (they had offered to give me Versed when I walked in, but I thought that losing that much of time would be worse than waiting), which I haven’t been able to decide if I like better or not. The last few minutes before being knocked out are always the worst–I get rather nervous as that fuzzy feeling spreads–but I missed having that last moment of confidence-building with my doctor, before I’m sent off to sleepy-land.

I don’t remember much of the rest of the afternoon (or big portions of the next several days). Chris was there when I woke up, before work and then back later that afternoon, Karin spent the day there, a couple of med school friends dropped by for a bit in the evening so I didn’t lack from attention. My hospital room? Was a suite. With a separate living room and tv/dvd, etc. It was huge and I hear it was awesome. I tried to watch Rent with Chris one night and ending up falling asleep ten minutes in it, but others enjoyed it. My nurses were great and lovely and I felt quite spoiled. I got flowers for the first time *squee*: Roses from Karin, a large bouquet from one of the sisters in the ward and some large, colorful, have-no-idea-what-kind from Chris with gummy bears and strawberries. 🙂 They were awesome and I can see how a girl would get quite used to the attention.

I was supposed to be in the hospital just overnight, but I felt quite sick and not ready to leave, so I ended up staying until Saturday. And no, it wasn’t just because I loved my room, although that contributed. My dad drove me home (hometown home) where I’ve been recooperating over the weekend, sleeping on the couch. I’ll head back tomorrow, to face the real world and complete all of my med school assignments (I got an extension, which considering that before today, I couldn’t even look at a computer screen for more than two minutes, is a very good thing) and my recovery has been good too–even right after surgery I had more movement than I did on my other shoulder. With therapy, I’ve been able to lift my arm to shoulder height, which is great and I’m weaning myself from the narcs too. 😀

Anyway, I’m getting tired, so I’m making this short. Just wanted to say hi and hug everybody who was thinking about me. Thanks guys! *hugs*

Had the breakdown of the century this evening. Believe me, it wasn’t pretty.

But everything just got to me, the stress, the papers that were due that I hadn’t been able to write more than an introduction on ALL DAY LONG, the limited sleep, feeling neglected and extremely lonely, even though Chris was sitting next to me, typing away on his paper. And on and on, until I couldn’t take it anymore and broke into tears, blubbering about everything that I had to do, how I was freaked out about surgery, etc. Poor Chris. I haven’t been the funnest person to work with over the last little while–I have discovered that whatever talent I had for writing papers in college has long since disappeared, which makes me feel even more frustrated–and I must have really freaked him out today.

After a hug (does wool shrink with tears? How do those poor sheep manage?!), a little bit of a nap and an inclusion in a dinner invitation (which had been that little straw), everything perked up and I was able to finish my paper–10 minutes past the deadline. Doh! But at least it’s done and one more thing I can cross of my “To Do Before Surgery” list. The list is still massive and I have no idea how I’ll get it all done tomorrow, but I think most of the other stuff can be pushed off, if necessary. Except the haircut. That has jumped to the top of the list. *scowls at nappy hair*

But tonight, I’ll sleep in a real bed and sleep in until 9… It sounds almost too good to be true.

Night!

I don’t think there’s a male creature on this earth right now that I don’t loathe.

Even claidheamhmor is not entirely exempt because the tea he and melancthe sent me hasn’t come yet. Okay, since he did send me the tea, which is a very nice and wonderful gesture, he’s excused from my wrath. 🙂 (*hugs Claymore* Sorry for the generalization!) But the mailman ain’t.

I’m tired. I’m tired of writing papers. I’m tired of getting blamed whenever something goes wrong. I’m tired of cold silences and angry sighs. I’m tired of lousy PC laptops that make me always look like the moron who breaks things and worse, delete most of what I’ve written. I’m tired of feeling like an idiot. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the week-old leftovers.

He’s just making me mad. I had forgotten how much we tend to grate on each other when we’re working day after day after day. Most of the time, it’s great–we do work well together, we do, and I would be royally screwed at this point without his help. But then there are other times… And I’m such a passive person in arguments that I can’t voice my explanations/disagreements and I just end up seething. I’m just torn right now–torn because in some way I need a break, we need a break, and yet… This is it. In two weeks, he’s gone. I don’t worry about losing my other friends, mostly because I know that the ties of the Plethora have stayed strong over 9 years and they just aren’t breaking. But I worry about him. I’ve never understood exactly why he was my friend to begin with, even after three years, I still wonder. And I can’t get over this fear that I’m going to leave for residency, he’s going to breath a big sigh of relief and that’s going to be it.

I’m freaking out about my surgery this week. I have no idea if I’ve made the right decision and have been so busy that I haven’t had a chance to analyze it. I don’t know if it’s just going to make things worse, if I should just suck it up and deal with the pain, or if it really is as I felt earlier that it was something that needed to happen now before I got into residency.

I have to get back to my paper. It’s going to be yet another all nighter. *cries*

(Warning, this is like the boringest update in the world. Seriously, you’d be better off if you go look at the articles about Jessica Simpson becoming a Baywatch babe. Really. Because that’s entertainment!)

Life is good. I don’t think I’ve written that in a while. Makes a nice change. 🙂

I’ve been really busy. As I said, the boring kind of busy, but it’s been nice. I finished my genetics rotation (did I even mention that I was doing a genetics rotation), which was really enjoyable. At one time, that was the career that I was thinking about, becoming a pediatric geneticist. And while it was fun, it was nice discovering that that wasn’t the career for me. Good thing–that would not have been a nice discovery to make right before I started my residency in a completely different field.

The past two weeks I’ve been working on my “PCP”, my last paper/research project that I have to do to graduate. I’ve changed my project three times, but this last one I’ve been really excited about, and there’s a chance that I’ll get published with it (the biggest motivator to get a student to do something–lure them with promise of seeing their name in an obscure journal). The best part is that I’m actually working with Chris on it–it was a project that one of his public health professors had suggested that he do and when I was complaining that all of my ideas were fizzling into nothing, he was good enough to let me join in. It’s been a blast working with him again–it’s like we’re back in second year, the good old times. We work really well together, always have, and things between us are finally, finally getting back to normal. We’re talking about everything and laughing and, well, having my friend back makes me very happy. We had tea today, at my favorite tea shop, and worked on our papers–and when we get bored, switched and worked on each others. 🙂 It was a great afternoon, until he got a ticket on his car, but otherwise, I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend a snowy afternoon.

It’s still hard to grasp that I’m graduating in six weeks. Six weeks. It really hasn’t hit me, mostly because I’ve been in this “go go go” mode and just seem to be going from one short-term goal to the next. This week, it’s finishing this questionnaire, writing a proposal so that it’ll be approved for administration. Next week is starting of classes again (ugh. All day long too), learning wilderness survival (hmm, maybe that was the class that I needed to take before my safaris!) and personal doctor’s appointments. The next week is more certification for residency.

And then comes the weeks that I’ve been dreading. I think I’m going to have to have surgery before the end of this month. I’ve been pushing it off, but my shoulder has been giving me problems and I don’t think it will last through all five years of residency. I hate this, the fact that I have spent virutally every bit of vacation since starting college having surgery, but I’d rather not face the alternative. One day, one day, the surgeries will be over and I can quit collecting scars like postal stamps. That would be nice.

Ellie and I have started on our Letter Game! I’m so excited. I got the task of writing the first letter, and therefore creating the characters and the world that our game would take place in. Of course, I had to pick a time that I know next to nothing about–the Celtic world, around 500-600 CE. So if anybody out there happens to be an expert, let me know. 🙂 Google can only tell me so much.

It snowed here. About a foot up in the foothills, 5-6 inches in the valley. I knew it was going to happen. My beautiful magnolia blossoms had just opened and looked so pretty and pink–which was a sure sign that a freeze was coming. It’s happened every year, every year. The poor things just don’t do well in this climate. I love spring storms though, they’re probably my favorites. The snow is wet, with huge flakes and love the contrasts of colors and white. It’s not quite as cold and one can hold on to the promise of warmth much easier than in the dead of February.

I think I’ve pretty much decided to hold off buying a house until after I move and get settled in Milwaukee a little. I don’t know the area very well (i.e. at all), and I want to not feel rushed in my decision on the house–it’s a huge commitment and I want to be happy with my place. Plus, with surgery, I won’t be able to drive for several weeks and that makes house-hunting difficult. So, I’m looking for an apartment instead, one with a month-to-month lease, and after a few months, I’ll make the decision then.

I’m sitting here watching them award Steve Martin win the 2005 Mark Twain prize. It’s actually pretty humerous. I can’t say that I’ve really considered myself a huge Steve Martin fan, but I gotta hand it to the guy–thirty years in the business and he’s still going strong.

I’ve rambled long enough and probably should get to bed. 🙂 Night all.

The problem with taking some time away from your blog (without actually saying that you are taking some time away) is that you can’t just jump in and fill in with the conclusions of what’s been going on. For example, I had been going to start this entry saying that “I’m doing better now” and realized that since I’ve only had one vagueish entry in the last two weeks, you have no idea that I was doing “poorly.”

I hadn’t meant to take this break. I went through a little bit of a writer’s block and then when I wanted to write, I was way too emotional to write anything halfway resembling coherency.

It’s been a hard week. I’ve been figuring out all of these financial things (and I HATE dealing with money. Honestly, I wish we all would just convert to a system where we bartered with crayons), such as reconsolidating my loans (again), finding out my credit report, finding out how much of a house I could afford. I had a presentation on Wednesday that of course took much more time than I thought it would (but it went well, so yay!) and had all of the responsibilities of the end-of-the-rotation stuff to complete. I had to sign my initial contract for MCW, and I’m also supposed to send them my schedule by the beginning of next week. 8 months of hospitals wards. Three weeks of vacation and only two can be taken together. Do I need to take off an entire week for Sam’s wedding or can I arrange the few days off? Do I want to spread them equally over the year, so that every three months or so, I’ll have a week to look forward too–or have two weeks together where I could actually do something? Et cetera. Et cetera. And so forth.

And then Chris and I started arguing. No, argue is too strong of a word–I can’t come up with any kind of definition for what it was. He said some things, a little more biting and sarcastic and mean, which I didn’t pick up on at first, because they were more mild than some of what he’s said in the past few times I’ve been with him. And he called and apologized after I left. Which should have made things better, but they didn’t, because it just made me realize everything that was wrong with us. I mean, I forgave him completely, but before all of this, he never said anything mean to me. If he teased me, it was good natured and I knew it–there was never that ribbon of malice that seems to tinge the conversations now. Not to mention this whole not speaking about Melissa thing–I thought I was being the good friend by giving him space to talk to me about it when he was ready. Turns out, he is talking to another one of our friends–and hanging out with her when he’s telling me that he has no time to do anything. Me–very jealous. Very hurt.

So, that’s what sent me into my week long depression. But I’m better now. I finished most everything on my “MUST. DO. NOW.” list, which relieved the stress, managed not to think about things that I could fix, and got some sleep. And Chris and I worked out this afternoon (20 pound stationary front rows, baby! I’m improving!) and while we didn’t talk about that fight–things were better between us, back to normal. He actually talked about Melissa and his feelings about what’s going on. I was so relieved that when he hugged me goodbye, I almost started crying. Yep, I’m an emotional wuss. I think that has been thoroughly established here by now.

The jealousy thing is getting a little better too. I’m still hurt that while I thought she was a friend of both of us, I’m getting left out of things, but I’m not having the stabbing thoughts that I’m getting replaced and will be Last Year’s Model long before the move to Wisconsin happens. And that’s a much better feeling.

So anway, I’m winding down on medical school. I have six weeks left–2 weeks of research/paper writing, two weeks of class (I’ll be also taking a Wilderness Medicine class then and will be able to tell you how to treat that snake bite!), and then 2 more weeks of the research/paper. That’s it. The research thing is kinda worrying me — I’ve known about it for months and have been trying to brainstorm what I could do without much luck, and I want to get everything done in two weeks, so that I can have surgery during the last two. That would be the perfect timing, so I could be fully recovered by the time residency starts. I see my doc on the 10th of April–I should know better then how I can fit everything together.

I’m taking a “Basic Life Support” class tomorrow (I need “Advanced Life” for residency and you have to have the basic first). It’s rather amusing that I’ve gone through all of medical school and never been formally trained on CPR or anything–I mean, I know it, but I’ve never had to pass it off and become certified, until now. Melissa’s taking the class as well–it’s the first time that I will have seen her since the New Year’s. I have no idea what to say to her. Not a one.

Always nice to discover another personal weakness.

What makes it worse is that it really is over NOTHING. Nothing. But I feel supplanted, which makes me panic that that I’ll be replaced before you can say Milwaukee and that makes everything worse. Compounding the feelings of inadequacy, is the knowledge that I’m boring the socks off of every person in my vicinity. “We keep having the same conversation over and over.” Thanks, just what I needed to hear.

I’m woeful and angsty and really just using this to vent vaguely. But that’s the purpose of a journal, ain’t it?