I’m biting…

Ask me my top five of anything. I’ll answer in a later post.

Please do! I could use the procrastination excuse and I’d love to see what kind of lists you come up with.

I haven’t written for a while, I mean a real update. I went to Arizona for the weekend and saw my cousin get married. Very cute girl, marrying a very cute guy, her high school sweetheart. It was nice and seeing family was great.

The house buying turned into a nightmare, but I don’t want to get into it. We finally sorted that all out (I think!) and once I find out from my insurance broker tomorrow which lucky company will be providing me with home insurance, I believe that all of the little and big things will finally come together and I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that on June 23rd, I will be closing on my little house.

I move in less than a week. That’s scary. I’ve started really hitting the packing process (divided the books with my sister today. *sniff* She took Harry Potter and the Dark is Rising sequence… I shall miss them. 🙁 ) and my apartment is a utter disaster. Hopefully, I’ll be done with all of the packing on Friday, leaving the weekend for the massive cleaning. I just realized that I haven’t reserved the UHaul yet. Crap. Must remember to do that tomorrow.

I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to do all of the last minute visits that I had been intending to spend all of June doing… seeing Laura and her kids, going to a dollar show with Liz. We are going to have a Plethora party (in my honor, thank you) on Friday, and I guess that will be my goodbye. My stomach is clenching at the thought. I still have been in complete denial that moving actually means moving.

And to just to top it all off…in less than two weeks, I’ll be expected to be a real doctor. What I really need to be doing is hitting the books, all day long and reviewing everything, so that I won’t look like a complete moron. It’s been months since my last ward month. Months. I don’t know how I’m going to get the time.

You won’t believe what just arrived in the mail!!

My tea from claidheamhmor and melancthe!!

The postal worker looked awfully peeved at handing over the package, but it’s mine, it’s all mine!! I think the poor tea walked here from South Africa, it’s looking rather worn and tired, but I shall treat it well now.

I am so having a cup of rooibos tea right now!

*hugs Claymore and Mel* Thanks, you guys!

I don’t get on my political high-horse very often, but this is getting tiring.

From http://civic.moveon.org :

Everyone expected House Republicans to give up efforts to kill NPR and PBS after a massive public outcry stopped them last year. But they’ve just voted to eliminate funding for NPR and PBS—unbelievably, starting with programs like “Sesame Street.”

Public broadcasting would lose nearly a quarter of its federal funding this year. Even worse, all funding would be eliminated in two years–threatening one of the last remaining sources of watchdog journalism.

Sign the petition telling Congress to save NPR and PBS again this year:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/

Last year, millions of us took action to save NPR and PBS, and Congress listened. We can do it again if enough of us sign the petition in time.

This would be the most severe cut in the history of public broadcasting. The Boston Globe reports the cuts “could force the elimination of some popular PBS and NPR programs.” NPR’s president expects rural public radio stations may be forced to shut down.

The House and Senate are deciding if public broadcasting will survive, and they need to hear from viewers like you. Sign the petition at:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/

Thanks!

P.S. Read the Boston Globe story on the threat to NPR and PBS at:

http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1864

I’ve already signed the petition, which is sent to your personal representatives. Please make the outcry loud…maybe one day they’ll get the message that we, as Americans, support our public broadcasting stations and the government should as well.

I’ve really underestimated how much time it was going to take to pack up my house.

Not to mention how much stuff I have.

Ugh.

Just passing the word on…

Amazon has the Season 1 DVD of Everwood on sale for $16.99. The WB has not released any other seasons of it on DVD< due to poor sales when it was first released (I'll admit, I didn't buy it). It's now #7 on the Amazon list Amazon link

Normally, I don’t try to encourage consumerism, but if you do like Everwood (or would like to get into it), consider buying the DVD. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll release the other seasons and/or renew Everwood for the midseason once 7th Heaven finally dies and we are rid of that decaying, smelly corpse of a show. 🙂

ETA: I feel like I have now done my civic duty. 🙂 My review for 7th Heaven showed up (so far only one person, my sister, has found the review helpful), but if my 1 star can help bring down the ratings and send a message that decent people don’t like that show, then it’s worth it. And I’ve submitted a review for Everwood as well… 🙂 I feel good.

I headed out of town on pretty short notice for the weekend, up to visit my grandparents. I wish I could have spent a couple more days there…there are so many memories of vacations there… playing “pioneers” under the willows, starting the “Cove Country Cousins Club,” dressing up in the girls dorm. It’s always a place of reflection, of literary and politic discussion with my grandparents, of reminiscing of camping trips (my grandpa can tell some doozies. Although I could have done without all of the mice tales).

It was hard to say goodbye… knowing that it’ll be most likely a year before I see them again… a year when they are already getting older and frailer. They celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary while I was there. 58 years. I started to cry as I left. One more goodbye. One more uncertainty.

I had hoped to stay longer–two days was hardly enough time. But unfortunately, I had business back at home…contacting my bank, faxing contracts and bank statements, writing out checks, because…

I GOT MY HOUSE!

🙂 After a day and a half of bartering with (as Chris put it) persnickety sellers who refused to go down, we managed to reach a settlement that while it wasn’t the best, satisfied everybody. I still have to be approved for the loan, and the place gets inspected tomorrow, but hopefully, the place will close on the 23rd, ready for me to move in.

Wanna see pictures of it? Go here: http://jcd1013.lotrinklings.net/house/house.html. We visited it twice and in that time, the family had already moved out a lot of their belongings, so you can get a sense of what it will look like when I move in with my very meager belongings.

I’m very excited, even with all of the oh-so-fun paperwork. It’s going to be tight living for a while, but I think it’s worth it. I’m already planning out the guest room, to entice many many visits. 🙂

Well, I made an offer.

After much consideration and hashing out every issue with my dad and visiting both the little house and the condo that I was most interested in 3 times I made the decision to try for the house. It was such a hard decision, because there were pros and cons to each that seemed to equalize everything. The condo was a little newer (but still 40 years old) and taxes were better and the basement was more finished… but the HOA fee was much higher and it was further away and the carpets were old (and kinda smelly) and would probably need to be replaced. The house was older, but in good condition and the yard is small and manageable (at least it seems so now!), and was much closer to the hospital (not really walkable, but I can drive there in less than 10 minutes) and I liked the neighborhood better, and the resale value was better. In the end, it came down to the fact that I didn’t want to feel like I was living in a glorified apartment… and part of me really, really wanted a house that I could putter around a bit. I’ll probably feel differently once I have to mow every other week or when snow come (but the hours that I was going to be working, there’s no way that any association would have removed snow by then, so that’s almost moot), but by then I’m counting on myself finding a Luke to do all of the maintenance for me. Either that or a handsome albeit moody neighbor boy needing some cash with a pushy uncle. 😉

Of course, there’s no guarantee that they’re going to accept my offer. I’ve felt really good about my decision all evening…until now, as I get ready for bed and the paperwork is finished and all I’m left with is my thoughts and I’m a little freaked out. What if I’m not weighing things properly? How am I going to afford all of it any way? And so on. I’m trying to ignore that little whisper that I’ve made a mistake, because I really don’t think that I have…

P.S. Pictures are forthcoming. I just have to get them on this computer.

Buying a house is hard.

I really recommend never growing up. Certainly never getting a job and moving half-way across the country. Because that was the easy, cushy, wonderful life.

Am quite stressed out, because there are a million different variables that don’t compare to each other. I don’t know if I’ve found a place yet that I want to buy–there are a few that are tempting, but then I just get overwhelmed trying to decide.

Anybody out there have any perspective on the whole condo vs. traditional house argument?

So, per my suggestion, Chris has been keeping a travel blog, which has been great fun reading and “seeing” what he’s experiencing (Google has never gotten such a workout before!). Mind you, on his last trips, I was lucky to get an email a week–and most of those were 3 lines long, so this has been a nice change.

I emailed Chris early early Tuesday morning, he responded later that morning (there’s a 14 hour time difference), I wrote back and then have commented on virtual every one of his posts. Today I got this whiny email (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) about how everybody’s reading his blog and nobody’s writing him now. ROFL! I’ve turned my friend into a comment fiend!! He will never be able to escape the siren lure of the blogging world now!

****
On a side related note… he knows I keep a blog, and now that he has one, I know that I’m going to start getting some questions about it (or he’ll start searching for it, which is not hard to find if you know me well). Which is making me nervous. It was hard enough opening up my LJ to the Plethora, but that has actually been really nice–I love knowing that Michelle and AJ and sometimes Liz and whoever else that reads and hasn’t told me are keeping up to date with my life (although I still need to do better about writing emails to the Pleth–I’m horribly, unforgivably lazy about that). But opening it up to the person who’s been involved in half of the stories and who features prominently in the telling of those stories? Beyond scary. I have no idea how he would react–I don’t know how I’m going to react!

For now, I’ve decided that he’s too busy traveling and cavorting to locate my journal, so I can relax for a while… but I’ll have to make the decision before I move of whether I’m just going to give him the location…or go through and make everything friends only again (old stuff, new posts would still be mostly public).

****
Both Sam and Susan are in town, which had me giddy with anticipation all last week and I’ve barely seen either of them. Sus and I were to spend all day Friday and most of Thursday together, but something happened in Chicago and they cancelled all the flights on Thursday, so she didn’t come in until later on Friday. We hung out and went to a barbeque, but we didn’t really get a chance to do a good heart-to-heart chat that I’ve been longing for.

Sam, on the other hand, is in the area helping move her mom and as always, with every visit of hers, there’s been unexpected drama, this time involving her sister, which meant she left for Idaho much earlier than anticipated, and so I might be lucky to see her tomorrow afternoon as they pull the Uhaul out of town. *mourns*

Dear LJ

I am really, really getting tired of losing my pretty layout and settings. Sure it comes back eventually, but there’s a reason that I pay to have my pretty Anne picture as a header and the soft blues and greens that go so well together, because I like them better.

Fix it. I don’t care how. Or I will be making demands for repayment.

No love,
Julia

~*~

Dear CW network

You are morons. I hope you go bankrupted in two months. I will not be watching.

No love,
Julia

~*~

Dear Everwood

Can it be? You and I only have two more weeks together? *mourns* I shall miss you with your warm humor and delightful characters. However, may I offer one bit of advice? Perhaps if you didn’t have a cancer scare, a subdural hematoma that required surgical intervention (although injured!Bright was adorable), and a heart attack in one episode, we might be having a longer relationship together? Much as I love you, that was a little over the top. And I DON’T want to be crying at the finale, so everybody had better be alive and off to happy-ever-after-land, you got it?

Much love,
Julia

*****
From juno_magic:

Name ten of life’s simple pleasures that you like most (actually these will just be the 10 pleasures that strike me right now).

(I decided to forego the 6 facts about me, because I’ve been plugging away on the “100 random facts about me” meme that went around months ago and I don’t think I could come up with 106 different things about me!)

The simple pleasures (in good ol’ Late Show countdown fashion)

I did not want this day to come. I’ve been dreading it for three months, the looming black mark on May 22. And yet, even at 5 in the morning, it’s already come and gone without my consent.

I’m heartsick right now. But I did good, because I did not cry. Those have stayed behind numbed eyes until now.

Namárië, my dear, wonderful friend. Thank you for three years of love, support, friendship, kindness, laughs, tears, conversation, word games, Foosball, stair-climbing, emails, late night studies, dinners, hugs, and a million other gestures that could never be embodied in words but will always be cherished.

It’s official.

I am Dr. Julia D—, Julia D, M.D. I even have the diploma to prove it.

I’ll write more later and tell the stories. Right now, I’m way too tired to even think in full sentences.

But wow. I can’t believe that it’s happened.

Oh, the Comfort
The Inexpressible comfort of feeling
Safe with a person
Having neither to Weight Thoughts not Measure Words
But pouring them all right out
Just as they are
Certain that a faithful hand will take and
Sift them
And with a Breath of Kindness
Blow the rest Away

~Dinah M. Craik~

To get ready for the family invasion that will happen tomorrow, I’ve been trying to clean my apartment, which as always has turned into a massive project, since I’m trying to make it a “packing adventure” as well. It’s ugly and painful and I don’t know when I’m going to get it all done.

I’ve been going through all of my papers, which since I’m a pack rat is basically everything except for school notes since college–bills, bills, random reminders, med school orientation stuff. Most of it is junk (I’ve already filled three garbage bags of just paper), but there have been some forgotten gems that I’ve lingered over.

The best part is that I’ve discovered all of the letters and cards and wedding announcements sent to me over the years. Mission letters from AnnaJune, Michelle and Liz. Random letters that Sam would write when she was bored in her law school classes, decorated with whatever doodles came to her mind. The exchanges back and forth by Susan and I during church, written on whatever scraps of paper we could locate (we were so bad!). The emails between Chris and I on our different trips–he in Ghana, me in Guatemala, me in Africa. Cards and postcards for every occasion from Donna. The epistles (in every sense of the word) from Brooke, detailing in old-fashioned prose the adventures of her life.

When my best friend Susan got married four and a half years ago, I went through a similar period as what I’m feeling now. We had been best friends since starting college, and had been roommates for just a few months–the same time frame that she had been dating her future husband. That summer, our friendship suffered. I’ve never spent so much time in tears. Every evening, after everyone had gone to bed, I would sit on my porch and cry for my loss. I was feeling neglected and lonely and completely at loss as to how our friendship would survive. One day, about six weeks prior to the wedding, I came home discouraged, opened up the door to my room and found myself in a white cloud. Susan had taken all of her left over wedding invitations and had hung them up all over our room, so that they brushed my cheek and hair as I walked in. It was a cheesy gesture (I’m sure you’re all groaning), but it meant the world to me, to know that she truly loved me. Today, I found all of the invitations and the string that I had saved from that day, with scraps from her wedding dress, and those memories came flooding back.

It put last night into perspective. Because while I fret and worry and dread the upcoming changes, I am surrounded by people who love me, who have been my faithful friends for many a year, whose love and affection will be with me always. There will be people that tomorrow will be the last that I ever see them and that will be okay, but there will be many more who somehow will remain an indelible part of my life and whose warmth and love I will never forget.

When I get into the pits of despair again, as I am sure that although I am resolved now to remember and focus on the happiness in my life, I will likely sink into the “woe is me” attitude again, perhaps this will be reminder of how blessed I truly am.

I was going to write a very happy post about the joys of having your best friend come home three days early…

Of getting the chance to go to all of the “last time” places that you were going to miss because the best friend was gone…

Like Thai food. And Indian food. And today’s treat: real English afternoon tea, with sandwiches and scones and little chocolates (not to mention tea)…

Or the banquet tonight, held in honor of the graduates…

Where I was presented with an award for “distinguished service” (I apparently volunteered a lot. I guess all of those Saturday mornings were worth something)…

And the laughter and hugs with some very good friends that I’ve made in med school. Fellow classmates… spouses… single… married…

And the thought that I was one of the few who had become friends with all sorts of the “cliques” (yes, Virginia, they still exist in med school) and feeling quite good about that…

But I just got back from the “after banquet” party, and after sitting on the fringe, getting left out of conversation after conversation… and hearing hints (and blatant remarks) about parties and gatherings that I haven’t been invited too…

And feeling, once again, overwhelmed by the thought that this, all of this is ending and I’m leaving and I have to say goodbye…

That good feeling has dissipated, and I wish it would come back.

The paper, my friends, is finished. It wasn’t a pretty paper–I rambled too much towards the end to get it to the page requirements, but at this point, I don’t care. It’s done and that’s what’s important.

This means that I have successfully just completed medical school. I wish I had a functioning brain cell left to celebrate.

I have the introduction, methods, and results all done! And my abstract is half done, leaving me only that and the discussion to do! I just might be able to get this done tonight!!!

*sigh*

Paper is still not done.

Right now, it is 14 pages of mess. 6 pages are the “appendices” of the survey that I had already written (and don’t count), 2 pages are references (of which half will be cut out), one page is completely blank which for some reason won’t delete (why? I don’t understand. Nothing shows up abnormally in the “reveal codes” stuff). That leaves 5 pages… 3 are from a paper that I had to submit to administer the survey to human subjects (my fellow medical students) and in the wrong tense. The remaining are outline notes from my presentation. Not to mention the various notes concerning what the paper is supposed to be around that are inserted randomly.

And yet… this is an improvement. Everything’s organized in the way I want, most of that will fix with some editing (I hope), leaving me only the discussion part to tackle, which I’ve been trying to work on to no avail most of the day. I’ve discovered that I’ve misplaced several of the articles I had researched earlier. And I haven’t been able to track down some information that I desperately need to make the discussion stronger. So I’m stuck, and I can’t be, because there will be serious repercussions if I don’t get this submitted this weekend.

*sigh*

Can I just be pathetically woeful and state that I miss my study-buddy and friend? Stupid git gets to play in the warm sun and frolic in crystal beaches and I’m stuck here writing this endless dribble. And if his stupid fiancee hadn’t been so stupid (still kinda hate her. Am trying to improve on that), I’d be there now, enjoying a wedding reception and the beaches myself. *grumbles* But nooo, instead I’m lonely and writing a paper by myself without the pleasant distractions of our word games or laughter, or without his input that always seemed to light the muse so that I could finally get the words out that I needed to say.

If anybody’s up for a really, really, really bad editing job, let me know. It probably would qualify you as certifiably insane, but…

*sigh*

Is anybody else having problems with their journal layout? I’ve lost all of my customizations and styles, and have for some reason reverted back to the plain blue generator style. If I have to go back and figure all of that junk out again, I will not be happy.

Bah, it looks so blah.

I really need to get to bed. My paper? Did not get done. Between the extra long therapy session, waiting 45 minutes to get photocopies of pictures for my graduation announcements, waiting another 45 minutes at the doctor’s office to get my PPD read (which of course, I could tell it was negative, but until I get those little initials behind my name in one week, I can’t actually CERTIFY that it was negative–which also means, btw, that I did NOT catch TB in Africa so yay for me!), and the last med school party ever, well… it didn’t get done. *sigh* Which means, I’m going to have an extremely busy day tomorrow.

The party was a good time. Every year, we do a spring BBQ (the meat is well done, so I don’t think it qualifies as a brai) in the park. Every year, there are more and more children running around, being passed around. Our class has been very prolific. It was smaller in attendance this year though, which saddened me a little. I did get a chance to look at the $100 yearbook, which looked very nice with its fuzzy red cover. My parents bought a little ad for me, saying how proud they were of me, which I had not expected. I was a cute kid. 🙂 There weren’t any group pictures of me. At all. I hadn’t realized that I was so asocial during med school. Or so left out.

We’re stopping with that line of thought. It’s just depressing me.

One nice story… one of my classmates was asking about my surgery and mentioned that she almost came in on the case… and then continued to say that she had worked with my surgeon on some orthopedic cases and he had talked about me and “thought the world of [me]”. As I think the same of him, and have strived very hard to impress him and as he was half of the motivation of why I decided to become a physician, it was definitely one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. *hugs my doc*

And I’m out.

They’re charging me a $100 freaking dollars for my stupid yearbook. One Hundred Dollars!

I just spent over $100 dollars today on getting announcements!!! $65 dollars for my oh-so-beautiful gown and cap. And now this.

From an email, back in December “Finally, in order to decrease the final cost of the yearbook, we are selling ad space.” Um, folks, THIS AIN”T A DECREASED PRICE!!! I’ve done yearbooks before, the entire gamut. I’ve sat in darkened little rooms and mixed chemicals. I’ve sat underneath basketball rims to get the perfect shot. I’ve cropped and chopped and played with layouts until I was seeing square shapes in my dream. And I’ve gone out and begged for money to put in ads. All I know, is that it didn’t cost us this much for my entire high school, which was approximately the same size as my med school class.

ARGH!

****
On a side note. I did start watching the Gilmore Girls finale, but left for dinner with some friends. Anybody want to tell me what happens in the last 10-15 minutes? I think the last I saw was when Rory surprised Logan with the London party. I’m not sure that I really care, more for just idle curiousity.

***
Instead of working on my paper today (yes, I’m very very bad), I went through and updated/completed all of my tagging on my past entries. There’s still some cleanup that I need to do, entries that are still missing labels and I need to figure out someway to override the “tag” page (http://jcd1013.livejournal.com/tag) to make it more readable, but I haven’t figured out to do that. Hmm. I do feel somewhat accomplished though. Sorting through emails, now arranging LJ entries–go me!

I have therapy and a doctor’s appointment check tomorrow. I have to get them to sign a clean bill of health for residency. I should have done this a month ago, but oh well.

***
Word of the Day: assuage: to make less intense or severe, to pacify, to satisfy. Use it well, my friends, use it well.

Julia out.