It’s nice to know some things never change.

I started a new rotation today (*sniff, sniff* Bye, bye NICU). Neuroradiology, or the reading of CT scan and MRI scans of the brain and spine. I slept in until 7:30 this morning, arrived at 8:30 this morning, an hour and a half later than what I’ve been used to, and was still a half hour early. And I was fighting falling asleep all morning and all afternoon. Just like old times. You put me in a darkened room, and it’s like a Pavlov dog experiment; I instantly want to sleep, no matter how much sleep I’ve had the night before. Exacerbate that by the fact that I’m not doing ANYTHING except looking over the shoulders of the radiologists as they look at every image and it’s pretty tortuous. I mean, I realize that space is limited, but this would be such a better experience if they’d at least allow me to look over the scans beforehand and point out whatever abnormalities I’ve noticed. Since I overread (look over every scan without relying on what the radiologist says is wrong) every single scan that I get on my patients, I’m not completely clueless. I may not know exactly where the cingulate gyrus or the corona radialis are, but I’m getting there. This is just painful.

I’m almost looking forward to clinic tomorrow (almost, people, the world hasn’t completely ended), just so I can get some action. I had been rather upset that because of the call schedule (only 2 more calls! Whee!) and when I start vacation, I’m only there for about 6 days, but man, that’s not such a bad thing anymore.

I’ve been distracting myself with lists of things I need to buy. Today it was groceries (I apparently didn’t have vanilla. How did I not have vanilla?). Tomorrow, it’ll be Christmas presents. So family members, if you rather not have something inspired by MRIs, you’d better speak now (although, fam, I SO WANT THIS).

Shoveling snow is bad enough. But shoveling snow post-call after it snowed, then rained this morning, then froze this afternoon was torture. Now my hip and shoulder are killing me.

Anybody wanna play Santa Claus and provide me a snow blower?

I’m doing a week in the NICU (neuro ICU) with my favorite attending. Yay! But we have no patients. None. There is one patient in the ICU. One, and it’s a not even a real patient, just a consult from the neurosurgery service. *sigh* While I do enjoy a lighter service and more free time (guess I’d better catch up on all of my dictations, eh?), I rather not have those times be on rotations that I really enjoy and where I really need to hone my skills. If I do decide that critical care medicine is what I want to do, which more and more seems likely, then I’d like to be competent enough at lines that I can do them without assistance. And I’d really really really like to be able to do an intubation or two. And a Swan Ganz.

Life has been super busy and super boring. I think it’s all because super cute intern has moved on to greener pastures and I’m mourning. 🙁 While it may not have been true love, it was definitely TrueLust and made the entire month survivable and entertaining. The intern who replaced him is a girl and therefore not interesting.

CuteIntern’s facebook profile reads this: “Custom has made dancing sometimes necessary for a young man; therefore mind it while you learn it, that you may learn to do it well, and not be ridiculous, though in a ridiculous act.” Soulmates. Srsly. (Or not).

In more news, I have not talked to DateBoy since said date. I’m thinking about calling DateBoy and inviting him to my house for Thanksgiving dinner, which may be the most forward thing I’ve ever done. Or not, because I keep changing my mind.

I’ve put on weight this month because of all of the stress. And the easily available candy at the nurses station. I haven’t worked out in a month. So much for the plan to be down ten pounds for Christmas, so I could finally, finally have a vacation without my mother mentioning how unhealthy I look.

I’ve had some very difficult patients that I’ve had to deal with that have sucked compassion out of me. I’ve realized that I hate treating migraines. But to make up for it, I’ve had 3 of the loveliest patients, including two who have made a romantic out of me again, because they (and their spouses) have proved that true love really exists.

My next day off is Thanksgiving, which happens to be my birthday. I haven’t had a day off since the 28th of last month. I get four days off in a row to make up for it. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to come back.

I’ve been on call every Tuesday except one since the last week in September. Tuesday is clinic day, which means I have to see all of my patients before 8. Since I really shouldn’t be in before 7 (therefore, having enough time to go to noon conference the next day and not break the ACGME 30 hour rules), it makes the morning incredibly hectic. What makes them even more fun: all of those Tuesdays, except for one, my team has been post call. So I have to hurry through clinic (where I always get behind), race through lunch, so that I can go upstairs and admit the 3 ER patients, learn about the NICU transfers, follow up on the stuff that the other intern wasn’t able to complete, write my own patient notes that I didn’t get to do in the morning, discharge the half dozen patients of the intern’s (because my patients are all rocks which I collect) and then start getting pages every 30 seconds on 3 different pagers. Yeah, I loathe Tuesdays. Only a year left of clinic!

The best part: I’m still on call every Tuesday until the middle of December. And every weekend except Thanksgiving.

I’m still trying to remember why I loved neurology. I think I need to see David Renner when I go home so that I can be reminded. It’s probably pathetic that when prospective interns come and interview here, I end up gushing about Utah more than the program here.

Susan and Bobby and Allison are coming for Thanksgiving. I’ll be cooking something delicious, I hope. Should I ask DateBoy or is that really weird? I think I need more furniture if I do.

I spent the evening reading old Gilmore Girls fanfiction. Mostly general stuff, featuring townies, and it made me realize once again what a brilliant, wonderful show it once was.

I’m going to the opera next week with two of my girlfriends, Kristen and Erika. The Merry Widow. I was very excited when I first heard about it, because from the radio ads, it sounded like it was the translation that I fell in love with in high school. Alas, my sleuthing has proven that it is not so (although I think it’ll be better than the San Francisco version), but I’m still ecstatic about it. I’m dressing up. I can’t wait.

I’m also having a painting party involving my living room next week as well right before the opera. Need to clean the place before before then, I think. And I need to buy paint. And moth balls.

I’m totally addicted to this blog and have wasted away more of my evening reading her archives and laughing so hard I almost started vomiting.

I’m going to be 29 in 2 weeks. And I think that’s enough to stop any more random musings.

So I just got asked out on a double date. For this Wednesday, when I’ll be post-call, smelly, and sleepy. I think it’s going to be a winner!

The best part: it’s with the one guy in this town that Chris knew from college and he loathed him. I haven’t found him to be so bad yet, but I don’t know him super well. But still, what are the chances?

I went to a neurology conference this weekend. Can’t remember what one of the talks was about (probably because I dozed through a good portion. Right in front of the neurology chair, not the best idea I’ve ever had), but the rest were good – pertinent and somewhat helpful (although, right now, I’m just feeling so overwhelmed with neuro in general, that I think the only thing that would help me feel better is a remedial course). And of course, I sold a little more of my soul to the drug companies and got free textbooks and pens and little airline pillows, so it was profitable. All of the residents and their spouses and the few kids got together for dinner, which was so much fun and probably the best part of the evening. The residents are really what keep me from deciding to quit neurology, because for the most part, they’re fantastic people and I just love being with them.

And I think that’s all that’s going on in my life. You probably don’t want to hear about me walking into church today, finding out that there was no Sunday School teacher and winging it (and “The Gathering of Israel” is not an easy topic to wing) or the constant struggle with the thistles in my raspberry bushes (I am going to conquer!). Life in general is a heck of a lot better than it was two weeks ago–a good portion of the improvement came after the louse of an attending left the service and I worked with a very friendly and efficient (which is a trait worth gold) attending who by the end of the week was offering me dating advice in the middle of rounds. Between her and one of the patients, I’m pretty sure I had bright cheeks for many mornings. But, oh, I love laughing and teasing so much better than scowls and tears.

I decided to make a list. I don’t know why.

– Crush news (which right now, is ever so much more interesting than patients and their neuroanatomy): He has a freckle on his right ear lobe, and a faint, thin scar down his right middle finger. His hair curls across his forehead (it’s such a good thing that these many many years have trained restraint!) and he’s had his beard for as long as he’s been a resident here (as evidenced by his name badge) which manages to hide a very small dimple and I can’t find adjectives to describe his blue eyes. And he has really bad breath post call. Oh, and he owes me big time for doing his discharge summary for him. Am I wonderful or what?

– I had a wonderful weekend. Saturday night, when I woke up from the post call coma, I went to the symphony with one of the neurosurgery residents. Mahler. My dad used to love Mahler, but until Sat. night, I never understood why. I’m now addicted. Absolutely lovely.

– Sunday I went to watch conference at my bishop’s house, which is always a spiritually uplifting time. Pres. Hinckley is still looking amazing for his 95+ years. One of the guys there hugged me and reminded me that it was exactly one year since we had met. I had forgotten. I thought that was sweet.

– It was the first day off that Chris and I have had off together in 2 months, so I drove up to Madison and spent the afternoon and evening with him, fixing his bike, eating Vietnamese food, and digging through all of his music collection. I came home with 300+ new songs and all of his pictures from Ireland and Scotland. Scotland was incredibly gorgeous from his pics… I guess I’d better add that back to the list of Must-Go places.

– Chris broke up with his girlfriend. And didn’t tell me until I pressed. Okay, I think I overlooked a big dropped hint earlier in the evening, when we were putting together pictures for a framed collage, but still. *sigh* Anyway, we had a great talk sitting on a park bench overlooking the lake. I told him about the many dating woes of the past two months. He thinks I’m missing clues (I think that no reciprocation and avoidance of conversation afterwards speaks volumes). He’s thinking about taking up Match.com dating, which I can’t wait to see how that goes. 🙂

– I’m still really bad at music guessing games. Apparently I need to listen to more Phish and Eagle Eyed Cherry(ies?).

-He beat me on the word games as well. The Word of the Day emails are not helping.

-I’m not on call again until Saturday. !!!

–The Seeker has gotten terrible reviews and didn’t do so well at the box office. Maybe that will stop any sequels.

-Still can’t figure out exactly what you do on Facebook, but at least it lacks the ads and spam of Myspace. Am trying to collect friends like mad over there. Perhaps I will make a trophy wall with all of my friends. I guess I need to add more photos, or so a little bird told me.

-I’m reading New Moon right now, as I finished Twilight a few weeks ago on call (man, I miss the ICU call). Liked Twilight, although spent a majority of the book irritated at the heroine and her love interest. I’m really looking forward to reading this, after mulling over valancy_s‘s recent posts about why we go for vampires.

-Congrats to Michelle and Kelly! Maybe, hopefully, I’ll be able to see this little one before he/she’s 40 (are you going home for Christmas?)

-I love Matchbox Twenty. This new album is just gorgeous as always.

– You all are watching Friday Night Lights, right? You’d better be. Best show on TV right now. I’m watching it online, so what’s your excuse?

-Clinic tomorrow. Only 3 patients. Maybe I’ll actually finish on time (and possibly get my notes done, that would be amazing).

My iTunes is in a sappy mood. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Phantom of the Opera, Vienna Teng, Eva Cassidy, Josh Groban all have rotated on in the last hour. Hmm. I don’t know what it’s trying to tell me.

All I know is that I’ve been reading about some of the discussion in reducing resident work hours from 80 hours to 72, and limiting it to 24 hours straight, rather than 30. Half the posts are about how all it does is train physicians to be sloppy and less dedicated and less educated. And that’s enough to make me cry. There’s a nice post here about Labor Day and resident physicians. England is going to a 48 hour week for its residents. 48 hours. I can’t even imagine.

More blogs:
http://fatdoctor.org/2007/09/03/doctors-labor-day/
http://www.hourswatch.org/
http://pandabearmd.com/blog/2007/08/23/in-which-your-uncle-panda-rips-off-the-lid-rolls-it-in-a-tube-and-places-it-politely-where-the-sun-doesnt-shine/

My program is quite good about getting us out within the 30 hours. I usually am out in 29 hours. And I usually only feel exhausted and overworked when I’m on call and unable to claim more than 15 minutes of sleep with my head on the table. Those are the hard nights and it depends on the rotation of how frequent they are. My last two calls have been unbelievably sweet. No new admissions. I went to bed by 11 pm and didn’t leave my room until after 6 am. Saturday night, I didn’t get a single page all night, until 4:30 am. But I sleep with a light on and I wake up every 20 minutes or so, worried that I am missing something. I still go home in the morning absolutely exhausted.

I worked today. In the hospital by 7:30, didn’t finsih until after 3. And it was a holiday, but I didn’t get paid extra. I don’t get time and half. My paycheck states that I work 46 hours a week, isn’t that nice.

*sigh* Sorry for the negativity. I came home from the hospital after spending over an hour trying to get a foley catheter into a man with prostate cancer, with a bad migraine and my smoke detector beeping every 3 minutes because the battery was dying. So I’ve never gotten rid of the headache. And sometimes, it really depresses me that this is what my life is like and it won’t ever get better.

I’ve got a date tomorrow night. I’m a dating machine, I guess. Either that or a masochist. Different guy, one that I find conversation with to be somewhat stilted and painful, really. But he was the medical student on the neuro wards and my friends were raving about how great he was (which he is a very nice guy) and they all seemed to enjoy talking to him, so I decided to give him another chance.

We’re going to a baseball game. I apparently don’t learn my lesson. Luckily, it’s with about 40 other people, so there will be a chance to engage others, if we decide there’s nothing to talk about and the game goes into extra innings.

And I’ve got clinic tomorrow morning and have to round on my patients before rounds. Oh, and did I mention that it’ll be another 14 days before my next day off (16 days total)?

Okay, iTunes is now playing Enrique Inglesis’ “Hero”. It is definitely time to go to bed.

I had lecture this morning, which luckily finished early, so I went to the post office and found my Doctor Who DVDs! They reportedly had tried to deliver them and had left a notice (which was so a lie), but they’re in good shape and mine again! I’m so overjoyed!

I then came home, determined to take care of my squirrel problem. I got my shovel out of my garage, went around … and could not get closer than 10 feet to it. I could not do it. I beat myself up, tried again, and still failed. So when I got back home this afternoon, I about wept with joy when I saw that my neighbor was home. I went and begged him to get rid of the squirrel. Which he affably did, with only a few minor twits about me not being able to do so myself. (“You’re a doctor! You see dead people every day!”) He even put it in a bag and then deposited it in the neighbors’ trash can, so I won’t have to worry about it every time I take out my trash. I’m so relieved.

I then was able to mow my backyard and retake it from the wild. As I did so, I noticed that the ground that I had just mowed was wiggling. Some rodent had its babies there and they were hatching (yes, yes, I know that mammals don’t hatch). *SHUDDER* I almost, almost was sick right there. They were injured by the lawn mower and promptly died, and I was able to finish mowing my lawn and luckily, nothing else popped up, but the amount of “ewww!” that I’ve had to deal with the past couple of days is killing me.

I made an appointment for Saturday for Orkin to come and protect me. I was rethinking my decision earlier today, but after this afternoon, not a chance. It’s not super expensive, but they want a commitment for a year of bimonthly visits and that makes the price add up pretty quickly, and I’m not sure that’s really warranted, as I don’t have an infestation yet. I think. But on the other hand, I really don’t want to worry about encountering mice in the middle of the night. I’ll call around tomorrow and see what others offer.

And there’s another big moth in my living room again. How are they getting in???

And wow, I finished mowing (didn’t get the front yard yet, but it doesn’t get as much direct sun, so the lawn isn’t as overgrown) just in time, as it is now downpouring.

I’ve got a drug-rep sponsored dinner tonight. I should skip it and go work out, as my weekend of sloth caught up with me and has undone all of the progress that I made. But I’m not. I need comfort food now.

… my new blog:

http://redheadsnippet.wordpress.com

All edited and family acceptable. I removed about 100 entries, I think, mostly the fandom related stuff and the very personal. I think I got rid of every reference to LJ, so that means my dear mom can show it around to my entire family AND the entire town (as she did with my Africa letters. Yeah, I would have sent much different letters had I known that), and I won’t have to worry about being found out here. It should satisfy the masses in knowing what’s going on in my life, without revealing too much. Plus, WordPress has a very easy LJ import tool, so it’ll be a snap updating both.

The layout’s plain, but WordPress doesn’t have that many options, one of their failings and you can’t edit anything, colors, width of columns, nothing. There were other layouts that looked better, except that the columns were so narrow, it crunched all together and looked awful (especially the few posts with pictures). So this will have to do.

It’s Irish Fest today, one of the last “ethnic festivals” of the summer, I think. When we were in Doolin in May, we actually saw posters advertising for it, so it’s supposed to be fairly authentic. I’m really looking forward to some good fiddling and Irish jigs. I don’t know if Chris has the day/evening off or not as I haven’t heard from him for a couple of weeks; I hope so, but his schedule’s been crazy busy.

I get my haircut in a hour for my fist and most likely last date with Jared tonight.

I’m a little frustrated right now. My initial plans was to turn this into a mirror of the Plethora’s Date Night, and have a group here go. But slowly, everybody started weedling out. Last to go was Sarah who texted me and told me that she couldn’t find a date. I’m so frustrated with the boys our age that she couldn’t find one guy, one guy who was willing to have some fun. So it’s just Jared and I, which is fine, except that I work better in a small crowd and I’m afraid that once again, this is turning into into something that appears like it’s a Big Deal. However, I have talked to him a few times this week, giving him plenty of opportunity to back out and he’s refused to, so maybe things will still be alright.

But I did go shopping for clothes and really found some great things for work and for tonight, including this absolutely wonderful skirt and sweater that I can not wait for autumn to come so I can wear it. Plus.. I’m down a size. 🙂 It’s amazing what a 5 pound weight loss can do. The gym and the better eating is starting to pay off. Slowly. Oh, ever, so slowly. But that’s the best way, so we’ll keep plugging away.

I’m still leaning to getting my haircut like Julia Stiles as pictured here. What do you think? It’s pretty much how I always get my hair cut, but it’s longish and I should be finally able to blend in my growing-out bangs that are now just beyond my nose. I’m still undecided about the highlights. I guess I’ll see what they manage to talk me into when I go.

And I finally went to the doctor today. I’ve had the sore throat and earaches for 3 weeks now and I wasn’t getting better. I mean, I got over the worst of it 8 days in, but it was still bad enough that it was affecting my sleep and I had difficulty swallowing at night. My chief resident was the one who examined me and gave me grief for taking three weeks to see a physician.Yeah, I know. Negative for strep, but I’m exposed to enough bacteria on a daily basis that we both felt it wise to get a prescription. It’s kinda funny being on the patient side of thing–I was able to give him my complete history with review of systems in 5 minutes (sore throat for 3 weeks, minimal cough and upper respiratory symptoms, fever the first week, none since then, no lymphadenopathy, no exudate, erythema in the back of my throat, no difficulty breathing, no history of GERD), he examined me for 2 minutes, wrote me out the prescription and we were done. Hopefully the antibiotics will make me feel magically better–if they don’t, then I’ll know that it really truly is viral and I’ll just wait until I get better. I hate wait.

Wish me luck tonight, guys? Three and a half years since I did this… I’m going to need it.

Jared grabbed me in church today and apologized profusely for not being able to make it Friday, as he’s on call (med student. Probably totally wrong of me to go on a date with him, but I live dangerously), then stated that he had looked up the movie, and it sounded great and he really wished he could come. After chastising him royally for the text message rejection (to which he apologized again), I pressed him slightly and asked him if I moved it to Saturday, would he be interested in coming then. And he said yes.

🙂 *muffles squeal*

I am excited. Still a wee bit wary that he’ll come up with a last minute excuse or that he’ll never talk to me after Saturday, but it’s been three and a half years since my last real date, so you all will allow me a little bit of girlish delight, won’t you? I’m getting my hair cut (I think the Julia Stiles style (hee) is winning out) and I might get a new shirt or something equally fancy. In other words, I’m going all out. I might even wear makeup, that’s how big this is.

It was a good day. I teach Sunday School, which I enjoy a lot. There’s a really, really young (20? 21?), adorable guy who attends, who told me a few weeks ago that I was his favorite teacher, which of course, set my heart aflutter. Today, he complimented me, telling me that I looked really nice in my dress today (I was wearing pink which I never do. Huh.). Then another guy, who I teach with, told me that I was awesome. *blinks* Wow. It’s been a long time since I had one of those confidence building days. Good thing they don’t happen all that often, don’t want the noggin getting too big. 🙂

I’m so tired of being sick. I’m on day 7 of the Killer Virus and it really hasn’t gotten much better. The fevers/chills/hallucinations are thankfully gone but I’ve still got the burning throat, aching ears and hacking cough and the Dayquill aint’ doing nothing. If I didn’t know in my little doctor heart since I don’t have a fever, exudate, lymphadepathy I don’t have a serious infection, I’d seriously be considering writing myself some antibiotics. And possibly some guaifenesin with codeine. I splurged on NyQuil since I finally will be able to sleep in tomorrow. Hopefully, a full night of sleep will turn me into a new person. But I swear, if it doesn’t improve by morning, I’m going to be one of those awful people and drop by the ER for a nonemergency, to get a rapid strep done.

Chris call this morning with the offer of visiting. I looked around at my pile of used kleenex (a word to the snifflers. Splurge on lotioned, brand name Kleenex. Your nose will thank you), dishes and dirty clothes and begged off. 🙁 Hopefully he’ll have the entire weekend off next weekend and we’ll find a festival or something to experience.

I lurched myself off the couch at some point and tracked down a Oriental market, where I have bought supplies so that I can make Tom Kha Gai soup, Larb, Chicken Saab, and Chicken Masala and fresh spring rolls over the next several days. So excited. Why the sudden urge for Thai/Indian food?? While I’ve been convalescing, I’ve gotten pretty involved in reading this blog: Six in the World, which is about a fix who took a year off and travelled around the world, which sounded pretty amazing. As in, I almost started planning my trip, until reality set in again. Yeah, won’t be doing that for many more years to come. I started getting really hungry when they were talking about all of the great Thai food and the Thai cooking classes, which caused me to remember the spices that Chris had brought back for me from Thailand and the recipes from his cooking lessons… so now I’ll be making Thai food and experimenting with Indian. Yummy!

And the last thing, before I drift off (hopefully) in drug-induced sleep. I have an infestation of fruit flies. Darn things are smaller than the holes in my screens. Any ideas of how to get rid of them??

There’s a reason that they only give me three weeks of vacation a year and four days off a month…

Any more and the taste of freedom would be so alluring that there would be no way any of us would return.

(Moving over to the ICU for the rest of the month, which I love, but it’s so hard saying goodbye to the days of freedom).

My holiday was excellent. I now have new light fixtures downstairs, a spider free basement, vacuumed floors, a draining tub, sparkling clean gutters, a weed free garden, watered and trimmed raspberries and bridalveil bush and a (mostly) working garage door. And a year after moving in, I’ve officially, completely, totally unpacked! Plus I spent two days up in the Upper Peninsula (which, except for the license plates, the locals refused to admit was actually part of Michigan), where I wandered around lighthouses and drove through forests and saw the cliffs of Lake Superior. And I spent yesterday with Chris, getting sunburnt exploring an art festival, eating burritos and sushi, and watching Harry Potter. A very busy and somewhat exhausting vacation, I think I need another one, especially since I’m heading into a stretch of 13 days straight. 🙂

Stupid YouTube.

I’ve never gotten tv this year (no bunny ears, no cable, no nothing), so i’m always a bit behind on what everybody else is watching. But after Becka starting posting clips, well then, that made me want to go out and watch all of the clips of SYTYCD as I could. I had forgotten how much I love this show.

And YouTube took them all down today. 🙁 So I haven’t even gotten properly caught up. I’m sure they’ll crop up again soon.

But I did get to see some of last year’s stuff and I had forgotten how much I loved Benji. It’s funny, Becka always goes for the lyrical, interpretation dances, and I’m always impressed with the formal. And I had forgotten how much I LOVE the West Coast Swing. It’s been so long since I danced; I’d look like a clumsy buffoon if I tried now. I miss it. There are so many of my college, early adult years that are tied in memories of dancing.

Work is incredibly dull right now. Incredibly. I’m completely bored. I have 1 patient that I’m covering. One. We get about 1 consult a day, usually someone with pneumonia and the primary team refuses to take our advice so it makes me feel extremely frustrated; I hate wasting my time, and if you had already decided on a treatment plan, then why did you ask for a second opinion??? Grrr. Also, I’m at the VA which blocks most of the sites that I want to visit (like LJ), so it leaves me with a lot of time to do nothing. I’m studying right now, for Step 3 which I’ll be taking sometime in the next six weeks, but that gets very dull as well (I don’t wantto learn any more about pediatric rashes! I’m done with that forever!). So right now, I know basically everything that’s going on in the world, as I have literally read just about every single article in the BBC.

Ewan and Charley, btw, were in Eldoret today. *sniff* I miss the place, well, not so much the stench and the mice, but everything else. The pineapple. I definitely miss the pineapple. They’re leaving Kenya, going into Uganda and I’ll probably lose track of their trip, but it was so awesome to hear and see pictures of the areas that I was at just a year and a half ago.

Last week, when I looked at the nice neat row of blue boxes on my mini calendar, I thought to myself, “Self,” (and then I giggled because I rarely speak to myself as a proper noun), “you know what would be a great goal? To fill that little calendar box with blue boxes. To write a little something every day.” And I was cheered and excited by the plan, and made little ideas of what I would write.

And then of course, I’m on call. And at the hospital until 10 at night. And somehow living a life. And lo, 5 days passed, and there went that idea. It was fun while it lasted. 🙂 At least I didn’t post that lame idea here. I figured that if all of you read that I was going to say something every day for 30 days, you’d run away screaming and I’d be promptly DEFRIENDED. I just couldn’t bear that.

Does everybody note the little happy, lilting tone to my voice? Notice that the gloom and doom has left the building? Yep, it’s true. Things have definitely gotten better. I’m down to 3 patients (who I can’t seem to discharge); one of my difficult patients I discharged a few days ago, the other has yelled at me every single morning (and every other person who walked into the room… I stopped taking it personally). I’ve been finalizing plans to send her home for about 5 days now, today I walked in and she actually apologized and smiled, so I think I won her over as well! My favorite patient was here for clinic today, which was nice (someone that I’ve actually been able to help a little). So all in all… things are better. 🙂

details about my little life

It’s been such a rare thing for me to be in a good mood the past 14 days (day off tomorrow! 1 week without call (already 5 days into it, boo)! Discharging patients! I’m positively euphoric!), that I hope you’ll forgive the multiple posts. Soon I’ll slink back into the dredge of daily life, but for now, I don’t want to be thinking about how this is one of the worst months I’ve had as a medical student and a fledgling doctor.

In the meantime, one of my entries last week got me thinking. And in turn, I’m submitting it to you:

What are some of your favorite hugs from tv/movies/art/media/etc. They can be romantic/playful/friendly/comforting (do I need to go on?). I’m thinking about changing around my icons to a bunch of hugs for every mood and I’d like a good collection. Pictures would be helpful (nothing pornographic or graphic please!), but not necessary. Obscure is welcomed!

(And now to bed go I. Have a busy day. Kristin is coming over to help me make bookshelves and Kara might come over as well. The neuro gang is meeting up for Jazz in the Park downtown and Chris might drive out if he decides that an 1 1/2 hours each way isn’t too bad (I think he’ll back out). So I must get my beauty rest!

*blows kisses*

I almost started crying at work today. Tears of frustration mostly, at my patients who aren’t getting any easier to deal with, at being tired (stayed up too late), and to top of matters, being told right as I was leaving an hour early that I had to stay because the rest of my team had taken off, the overnight intern was in clinic, and therefore, I was the only one in the hospital and had to stay until the intern got back. It was just too much. Luckily, one of my colleagues was willing to cover and I headed home. I’m so weary of this month. Weary and ready to be done. And I’m only a third of the way through the month.

But I’m not on call again until Saturday, I should be discharging most of my patients by then, which I am really looking forward to. I took a nap this afternoon (yes, I do find it pathetic that I get off early and I spend it sleeping). And best of all, I got that hug that I so desperately needed, from the one that I really wanted it from, and dinner and a movie, and I now have a friend from home in the same state as me, so things are definitely getting better. 🙂

We went and saw Ocean’s Thirteen, which was a gazillion times better than Twelve. Many even better, since I don’t recall anything that happened in Twelve. A really, good, engaging time, much like the first one, and definitely the light hearted fun that I was needing. So, highly recommended if you liked the first one.

And I think that’s it. I’m trying to have my friends over for dinner on Wednesday, we’ll see if it happens. But I’ll need to spend tomorrow night cleaning my living room (I did manage to get my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom cleaned before Chris’s surprise visit, so at least that’s done) and putting together the bookshelf and drawers that I bought months ago. It’ll be the first time that I’ve entertained at my place. I’m rather excited. I hope it goes well.

This has been a rather sucky Memorial Day.

I invited friends over for dinner/hang out early this week. Two people responded. One was on call, the other was post call and would come over if she woke up on time. She hasn’t called, so I’m assuming she overslept (I do the same post call, so I can’t blame her).

There was a big party and BBQ on the lake today with my ward and when my plans fell through, I decided that this would be fun to go to. Until I took one step outdoors and realized that my eyes are not healed enough to face the sun. They feel slightly better, the eye drops are helping. But I won’t be able to wear contacts tomorrow and will have to go to work with my freakish glasses. 🙁 Seriously, people, they’re ugly.

I didn’t get called in this weekend, so I guess it’s something, but I’m still bitter that because of this pseudo call, I didn’t get to go and see Susan or Allison or just get out of town. I barely left the house. Blah. My last weekend free until July and I wasted it. No, it really was nice vegging around the house. I arranged all of the pictures on my computer (and ate up every bit of free space I have), so that they’re ready for uploading. And I watched “Shall We Dance?” which was just the right amount of sappy angst to do me good (and hey, I recognized some of the Chicago stuff!), so it wasn’t all bad.

I’m sorry for the negative posts recently. I’m not sure exactly why I feel like I’m on the edge of depression… It’s something I can get out of easily and I know that I’m not clinically depressed, just something that I tend to slide into. I’ve had a lot of pressures and stresses that I didn’t think I’d have to deal with. Money problems. Lots and lots of money problems. Exposition on the issues, cut to be nice

I rarely, rarely wear makeup. Applying makeup is time better spent sleeping and there’s part of me, that deep in my heart is rather offended that in order to be considered beautiful, I have to paint a mask on my face. Never mind that I actually think that I do dress up nicely. I’d never ever be considered a supermodel or even someone traditionally attractive, but I look okay. Except for the eyes.

Last weekend for the wedding (posts are still coming, promise), I went and had my makeup applied at one of those Macy’s boutique counters, where they had brown mascara. Not dark brown. Not black. Brown. The biggest problem that I’ve had with mascara is that I look like a raccoon when I wear it. My lashes are red. Light red, same as my hair, but red. When I put on mascara, all you can see are the dark lashes and I think I look ridiculous. And they don’t make mascara for the redheads. When I saw the brown, that granted was still too dark but much better, well, I was quickly talked into purchasing it.

The neurology residents had a party last night, and I decided that one of the best ways to get out of my depressive funk would be to go and to dress up a bit. So on went the mascara and the base and the lipstick. I even straightened my hair (go me!). I got home pretty late, and stayed up even later; and finally just brushed my teeth and went to bed.

This morning, I slept in, as I am wont to do on my days off and dashed off to church. And suddenly, my eyes began to hurt and stream tears. I thought it was because I’ve not been exposed much to the sun recently (long work hours will do that to a girl), but they didn’t get better. I had to pull off the freeway at one point and put in eye drops, which made it bearable enough that I made it to church. My left eye continued to burn and I kept dripping tears. One of the sisters reached back and patted my knee; I’m sure she thought I was over emotional today. I survived church (which was actually wonderful today with upbeat spiritual thoughts and lessons that resonated just right), managed to drive home (I don’t think I’m as much of a danger driving post call as I was today) and ripped out my contacts. My eye is still red and irritated and very painful.

RIght now, I’m wearing the glasses that broke on call 5 months ago. The side is taped with surgical tape and look completely ridiculous.

If it doesn’t improve by tomorrow, I’m going to have to head to a walk-in clinic or the ER and have my eyes irrigated and looked at with fluorescent lights. And ugh, I don’t want to do that. I’m off to get eye drops, to see if I can irrigate it myself.

popculturespong, if this is the pain that you’ve been dealing with for the past year, you once again, have my complete sympathy. Owie!

I don’t think I’ll be wearing mascara for a while, Toto.

I realize that recently this journal has been rather short on details of my personal life. For that, I apologize.

One of my favorite blogs, Barbados Butterfly was recently taken down. She’s a surgical registrar in Australia, and apparently her administration found out about her blog and suspended her for a week. Gossip thinks that it’s because she violated patient privacy, my thought is that it’s more because she was criticizing the management and the training environment for surgeons. In any case, she’s now gone.

It certainly has made me wary about what I’ve said here in my journal. I’ve never identified my patients by name or even by disease, but I haven’t changed much of the other details, because part of the reason that I keep a journal is to react to those who influence my daily live, for good or bad. I don’t think I’ve crossed any HIPAA rules, but it certainly starts to make one a little more wary. I realize that I’m writing in a public forum; even though it seems so intimate and small, where I feel like I’m writing to my friends, but since most of my posts are public these days, I really know better. And that has curbed my tongue on what I might otherwise express. I’d post it as friends-only, but I know that there are some faithful readers who have yet to join LJ (it’s really easy, folks). So instead, I’ve blabbered on about more frivolous stuff, which I’ve really enjoyed doing. It’s nice escaping a little while into fandom and poetry, avoiding responsibility.

Things in RL haven’t been that exciting recently anyhow. RL ramblings

GUESS WHAT??

I am done with call, done with working weekends until June!!! That’s right, baby! Two whole months of no every-fourth-night (or third, really) call, normal sleep (if I’d ever go to bed), no discharge summaries (behind by 10 now. Did about 6 of them today), no “only four days off a month.” SWEET.

My last call was on the 31st, and it was brutal. 5 patients, essential after midnight. Because it’s the end of the month, I should have been done and gone by 7, but I was three patients behind by 4 in the morning, and falling asleep in my chair. I was there until 10, and by the time I crawled home, absolutely collasped into bed. I didn’t wake up until 9 that night. I know that there are amazing people, who come home post call, take an hour nap and spend the rest of the frollicking. I really wanna know their secret.

I almost posted that night that I was quitting residency and going to go work as a pharmaceutical consultant, as an April’s Fool joke…. but at the time, it was too close to the truth. There are times when I hate what I do. Hate the long hours, the lack of sleep, the inability to have a normal life. And then when I get pages that state roughly that I’m a horrible person for leaving rounds early (!!! I shouldn’t have been at rounds at all! I was nice to stay and actually present a patient, because I knew him best!) and *cry* not updating the patient list, this desire to run away is amplified (I wish I could caulk those to April Fool’s jokes, sadly, I think that these particular persons do not possess that kind of humor. My comrades from last month, oh yes (I’d have done the same to them, the little rascals), but not these ones.

Enough with that. I’m happy now. Today, I spent working on discharge summaries and reading articles in between critiquing the new Dr. Who season, as we have no patients on the hematology/oncology service right now. Not that I mind being bored for once! Oh, and I also bought rose bushes and blueberry, raspberry (I don’t think all of my raspberry bushes made it through the winter. 🙁 ), bosenberry, and grapes bushes, and strawberry and asparagus bulbs, so I’m so excited to be planting a garden! Ah, my friends, spring is here!

Besides YouTube, how is everybody (ie… the four of you on my flist) watching Dr. Who? Waiting until it shows in your neck of the woods? I did try to do torrents, but my connection is way too slow. It was going to take something like 6 hours to download one hour, I decided it wasn’t worth it. You Tube’s fast and it was there, right after it aired, so that’s a plus. I can deal with the fuzzy screen.

In any case, yay! New season!!

Thoughts about Season 3, dar be spoilers