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7th November 2010

imperfections

imperfections

Folks, I am cold. I made the mistake of running off to church without a jacket, because the Wisconsin sun had convinced me that it was still warm. Oh, silly mortal. Now, I’m in my fleece pjs with my fleece robe, under a flannel blanket, with my rice bag heated and my toes are still icicles. I don’t think I’m ready for winter yet!

I am also tired. I hate adjusting to time changes.

Here’s the next installation in the “30 days of too much information”
Day 4 – A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I haven’t been able to think of true “habits” that I have – things that I do without thinking about them, but I do have a share of faults that I wish I could improve (but obviously not enough to really do something about):

  • I am a rather messy person.

I wouldn’t say that I’m a hoarder (although since I came across the battery charger for my previous camera that was stolen and I still haven’t gotten rid of it, I may fit some of the definitions), but entropy is definitely at play in my life. I don’t really like doing dishes and I find my dishwasher to be the most painfully slow machine on this planet, so that’s not an option. I’ve done piles of laundry, but I have a limited supply of clothing drawers and closets, necessitating that everything be very carefully organizing before it’s put away, and so they’ve sat on my bedroom floor as the dirty clothes get placed in additional piles around them. I shed hair like crazy, so I can never keep up with the sweeping. I’m inundated by papers from work and from the mail. I’ve tried, several times, to just organize and rearrange and I get halfway through – just to the point where I have pulled out everything and created absolute chaos, before I get bored and move onto the next project. I do make efforts when people come and visit, but they are short lived. I need to get into better daily habits of straightening.

  • I stay up too late at night.

Ever since college, when the dorms would come alive at 9 o’clock at night and I would stay up until long after midnight, I’ve had problems going to bed early. It’s a problem because now I’m a Real Adult and have to be at work at a certain time, so it doesn’t take long before I’m dragging. Usually at some point in the week. I collapse around 8 and “catch up” and start the cycle all over again. It has had perks, because I am able to do call (my 30+ hour shifts of death) and not feel tired at all until around 4 am.

  • I am a procrastinator.

I put off things that don’t have immediate deadlines until long after the deadline is passed and I’m getting threats (as evidenced by the student evaluations that I need to fill in. It’s just really difficult coming up with unique ways of saying “So-and-so was a team player and took responsibility of his/her patients. They are eager to learn. Blah. Blah. Blah”). I’ve been trying to get in a habit for studying for boards every day and I usually manage to do it for 1 day. And usually less than an hour. It’s bad, friends! I have boards sometime in the middle of August. That’s not that long from now – and several of those months are going to be really busy as I get prepared to move and start fellowship. I’m recommitting now – you’re more than welcome to harass!

  • I waste too much time on the internet.

I have no idea how the time can just slip by. I read several blogs, read the news, check my email, check Facebook, several times, all day. It’s not like I’m even watching movies or shows or anything important. I need to stop. It’ll just have to be December, because I’m not missing a day here.

*
Harry Potter Day 4: Least favorite female character.

I should put a disclaimer here that there isn’t a single character in the whole series that I hate. Some of them are more rounded than others and some of the villians are just perfectly delicious (Umbridge and Bellatrix for example). I think I’d classify this more as “most disappointing character development”

See, I loved Ginny’s character in Book 5. We really hadn’t gotten to see much of her before that, Chamber of Secrets notwithstanding, but there were some particularly awesome scenes of development in OotP (I told you it’s my favorite). That summer, I devoured Ginny-centered fanfics and theories. The first daughter in 7 generations of Weasleys and the seventh child and the fact that she had been possessed by Tom Riddle and therefore might have insight into his thinking or weaknesses – all potential for awesomeness. I found her to be less than awesome in Half-Blood Prince (yay, all the boys like her!) and completely forgettable in Deathly Hallows. It wouldn’t have been difficult to add more to her character. I mentioned how unhappy I was with the scene in Deathly Hallows where Ron and Hermione go down to the Chamber to get basilisk tusks (not that they were ever needed) and Ron had opened the door by “mimicking” Parseltongue – something that he had heard Harry speak once 5 years previously and while they were being distracted by Lockhart, and oh yeah, he broke his arm and was out of action. If it had been that easy to open the chamber, the basilisk would have killed the entire school many times over. How easy, how perfect and complete it would have been to include Ginny in that scene – Ginny who actually opened the Chamber before. I dunno. JKR has said in many interviews that she felt that Ginny was Harry’s soul mate – something that I thought was never illustrated properly in the books.

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6th November 2010

ugh

ugh

My evening consisted of going to an “adults only” session for Stake Conference (halfway down the page). I don’t know when the additional session of stake conference was first started, but I hate it; I have few enough Saturdays free from work and I usually devote my Sundays to church as it is. But I’ve tried to develop a better attitude about them, and my friend Sarah promised me custard afterward so I went. The talks were dull. Only one talk was slightly inspiring. I was contemplating my next “30 day” answer instead of listening. I should have gone to the movies like I wanted to. Both Toy Story 3 and Inception are playing at the dollar theaters and I haven’t seen either of them. (No spoilers!)

But I did go to custard, where Sarah and I ran into every single person from the church there as well (and one of the neurosurgery residents with his girlfriend). The pumpkin custard shake was almost enough to calm the flames of outrage when a friend relayed a conversation where a group of men basically stated that there wasn’t a single woman in the entire ward “worth” (their words) dating. There’s probably close to 60+ women who go to church regularly and not one they consider “dating potential” because “I would never marry them, so it would be wasting my time.” Wow. I’m still pissed – the custard wasn’t able to make miracles.

Afterward, I met up with a couple of “friends” – people from the midsingles group from church who have become my new social group. One is 49 and still upset that the love of his life got tired of waiting for him to make a move and married somebody else 25 years ago. Another is the guy who I went on a blind date with 2 years ago. I never mentioned him again in this blog, because he never said a word to me until the formation of this singles group 6 months ago. Another is a very recently divorced man who would like nothing more than to get married again as soon as possible – and can be quite overbearing if anybody suggests that maybe being single isn’t too terrible.

We watched Prince of Persia, which was surprisingly entertaining, although I think Toy Story might have been better…

I was going to use the extra hour to complete the 30 day meme for today, but I’m tired and cranky and I’d rather sleep. So tomorrow.

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5th November 2010

Friends!

Friends!

I love this day!
Day 3: A picture of you and your friends. Like I could stop with just one. Warning! Image heavy!

Read the rest of this entry »

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4th November 2010

sing me to sleep

sing me to sleep

It’s already interview season, where the neurology department interviews nervous 4th year med students who are eager to find the perfect place for residency. Five years ago, that was me. The best part is always the dinner the night before – we take out all of the applicants to a nice restaurant and spend most of the time catching up with each other. 🙂 Tonight’s dinner included pumpkin cheesecake which brought out Homer SImpson-type salivating.

I was a little miffed at the dinner, as two of the neurology fellows came (it’s supposed to be the residents only) – and one brought his girlfriend. Really? The department is paying for it, and you’re going to turn it into a free date? Scuzzy. Haven’t decided if it’s worth it to rant to the program director yet.

I’m mixing and matching the 30 day memes, because I thought some of the questions on the original one were lame, so I googled for other memes to supplement.

All About Me Meme Day 02 – Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
In 10 years, I will be finally, finally completed with my medical training (I hope), and finally, finally in a real job. Right now, it seems too distant of a hope. Everybody always asks me where I want to end up and the answer is always “I don’t know.” Honestly, I have loved living in the Midwest more that I thought I would. I miss the mountains and the quick easy getaways to nature, but I love this little city and I love the surrounding farms and villages, so there are times when I contemplate coming back. It would be fantastic to be closer to home and be able to see my family and friends more often. I’m missing my nephew growing up, not to mention all of my friends’ kids. My grandparents are getting older and frailer. When I interviewed at Portland, I could easily see myself settling there – the fellowship program was too weak for training, but as a job once I was done: pure heaven.

I do hope that I have a life where I’ll have some free time so that I can become involved in all of the little hobbies that were dropped once I started med school: some painting and writing. I’d love to be involved in community theater and take some real photography courses. I’m also hoping for enough flexibility that I can do some international work; while I no longer have the burning desire to flee to another country for several years, I think that spending 1-3 months at a time in needy areas would be more my style.

HP Meme Day 2: Your favorite movie.
I don’t have one – they provide a couple of hours of entertainment and that’s about it. The first two movies were just glorified picture books. The third spent so much time concentrating on floating leaves for “atmosphere” that there wasn’t enough time to explain anything. The fourth had the needlessly long first task and then skimmed over the return of Voldemort. The fifth: okay, I loved Luna and Umbridge, but I only saw it once. The sixth: the fire at the Burrow, Ginny tying Harry’s shoes, Ginny feeding Harry food – yeah, haven’t seen it again either. It’s not that I’ve hated them, but as they came out at the same time as Lord of the Rings, which besides the murdering of Faramir’s character, was the most perfect adaption of a book that I have ever seen, I have been disappointed. I AM looking forward to Deathly Hallows – it looks awesome. But not awesome enough to get midnight viewing tickets.

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3rd November 2010

Meme-me

So, um, posting every day is really hard. Especially when you’re out of practice blogging and the most exciting thing going on in your life is the fact that you forgot you had an early morning meeting AND your parking badge didn’t work, making you really, really, really late.

So, I’m making it easier by doing a couple of 30 day memes that were floating around the interwebs a few months ago.

Snagged from [info]claidheamhmor : 30 days of me:
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

This is a couple of months old, but I really like it:

Broke that board with one blow, yo.

Facts about me:
1. I am unable to tie shoes properly. I learned the “bunny ears” method when I was 4 and any other way feels wrong to me. I can do a mean surgeon’s knot, now, thanks to the hours spent tying threads as a med student. I prefer an instrument tie- it just feels tighter to me.
2. I wrote a limerick collection to memorize the brachial plexus in med school. It was fabulous. I just found it again tonight while looking for an old “25 Things about me” meme that I started and never finished two years ago. Look for it tomorrow. Be prepared to be astonished (in all definitions of the word!).
3. It’s taken several years, but for the most part, I’m okay with the fact that I probably won’t ever get married. I’ve wanted to be in a relationship since I was a teenager, but it’s only been in the last 2-3 years that I think that I could be a good partner, but I also know that it’s not very likely. At least not until I’m 60-70. I’ve got great teeth and I expect to be quite the hit in the nursing home.
4. I’m a road trip junkie and want to see every state of the USA. I’ve got 16 to go, all of them in the south, except for Delaware and Maine. I’ve been within 20 miles of both of those states, but still couldn’t manage to cross the line. I’d love to take a Yay! Residency’s Over!! trip this summer and see the rest of them, but since I’ll be spending a fortune moving, that’s not the wisest decision.
5. I still want to do international work, once I’m done with residency/fellowship. But the thought of doing it alone without friends makes me really nervous.
6. I used to read voraciously and was probably the only kid who was ever forbidden to go to the library by their mother. Now, I read about 5 books a year if I’m lucky. The last series of books I read was The Hunger Games Triology. I chewed through them during my flights back and forth from SF: incredibly good.
7. I have a genetic bone disorder called Hereditary Osteochondromatosis. I’ve had 10 surgeries so far, with scars that crisscross my knees, shoulder blades and hip. The most obvious deformity is my shortened R ring finger – its just about the same size as my pinky. Most people don’t notice it. Because it’s short I tend to type with just my index and middle finger on my right hand.
8. My feet are horribly ticklish. The one and only time I got a pedicure was the most tortuous experience of my entire life. I don’t care how thick my callouses become–never again!
9. I can’t fall asleep unless my feet are warm. Hence, I wear socks pretty much every day of the year.
10. I can’t wear high heels. No really. I never learned how to properly walk in them, so I tend to clunk heavily and they cause so much pain to my ankles
11. Logically, I’m okay with getting older every year. But I find it unbelievable that it will shortly be 10 years since I graduated from college (May 2001) and almost 5 since med school, and wow, I feel like it was just yesterday and I can’t possibly be that old. But I guess I am.
12. I miss having summer vacations. If I had one now, I’d become a campground host for a remote place in the mountains, sit by a campfire, meet and greet people from all over the country, make sure that the pit toilets didn’t stink too much and sleep under the stars.
13. I worry everyday about my decision to do critical care. If I had known me when I was making the decision for residency, I would have just done internal medicine and would have been quite content as a hospitalist. Or at least, I think so. I’ve worked many, many months in the ICU and love it, but I worry about finishing at the end, still thinking that “yep, could have been a hospitalist.” That said the decision to do the double residency and move to Milwaukee was one of the clearest answers to prayer that I’ve ever had and I don’t regret it either. When I visited and interviewed in San Franscisco, I felt the same sort of “This Is The Place rightness” – something that had been lacking in my other interviews.
14. I go back and forth daily about whether or not to sell my house now, or wait for things to recover. I’m not sure how much of it is emotional attachment to my home; even with all of the multiple water issues and heating issues, it’s been my home and the thought of somebody else owning it is heartbreaking.
15. I can remember random numbers really well. A patient’s temperature curves. Or their lab results for the last 3 days. I wish that it would cross over better into actual academic learning, but sadly, I seem to have very poor retention of details related to what I’m studying. It’s making me very nervous for boards in (eep!) 9 months.

And in honor of the last Harry Potter movie coming out: 30 days of Harry Potter
Day 1: Your favorite book.

The Order of the Phoenix. I know, it’s everybody’s least favorite. Harry’s so whiny and angsty. It’s so long. And it is – I definitely think that Rowling’s needed an editor at this point who slashed away the fat – and it only got worse). I’m partially sentimental because my roommates and friends read it aloud to me that summer, which was really awesome. My sister Karin does an awesome Delores Umbridge impression. I loved the twins. I loved Dumbledore’s Army and Harry waking up to the fact that he could be a leader. I love the plot – it was well-crafted and made sense and didn’t seem to have a lot of dei ex machina plot fillers that populated the later books. The death of Sirius was so tragic – I seriously cried for days. And Luna!! Oh, Luna is the best!

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2nd November 2010

A tribute


Eva Cassidy
February 2, 1963 – November 2, 1996

I miss you most of all, my darling, when autumn leaves start to fall.
Ten years ago, my roommate listened to a piece on NPR about an unknown singer and how her music had spread and touched so many after her premature death to cancer. Sarah promptly bought the CD and before I knew it, Eva Cassidy’s music had crept into the crevices of my soul. We must have listened to the CD every day for 8 months. Waly, Waly played as we studied, Blues in the Night was belted loudly during times of frustrations at the opposite sex and Songbird was instantly declared as the song for future weddings.


And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

I’ve bought every CD of hers, even the one that she produced when she was part of a progressive rock band. Her music inspired me to write Gilmore Girls derivative fiction. Her voice comforted me when friendships dissolved, when my heart was broken.


I see friends shaking hands, saying, “how do you do?”
But they’re really saying, “I love you”

It’s the 16th anniversary of Eva’s death. Fourteen years since we lost her voice and sweetness. The last album of lost and forgotten tracks was released two years ago. Her voice is frozen, preserved in digital immortal, so we will never have to forget


We were like children
Laughing for hours
The joy you gave me lives on and on.

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2nd November 2010

The 30 Day Memes

So, those at home can follow along. 🙂 I mixed and matched questions because I didn’t want to answer lame questions or the same question, just asked in a different way.

30 Days of Me
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Your earliest memory
Day 07- A picture of where you live
Day 08- Bullet your whole day
Day 09- Your hobbies
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Your views on religion
Day 12- Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 13- Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Favorites: movie, tv show, song, color, food, actor/actress, book, quote
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Something you love about yourself
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- How important you think education is
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?

30 days of Harry Potter:
Day 1: Your favorite book.
Day 2: Your favorite movie.
Day 3: What house would you be in?
Day 4: Least favorite female character and why.
Day 5: Favorite male character and why.
Day 6: Moments in the books/movies that made you cry
Day 7: Favorite female character and why?
Day 8: Hogwarts subject you would most like to take
Day 9: Least favorite male character.
Day 10: Horcruxes or Hallows?
Day 11: What character would you say you are most like.
Day 12: Favorite ship.
Day 13: What aspect of the books has been best translated to film?
Day 14: Your favorite villain
Day 15: Who would be your best friends at Hogwarts? (three only)
Day 16: Favorite professor?
Day 17: Are you excited about The Deathly Hallows movie or scared it won’t do the book justice?
Day 18: Least favorite book
Day 19: Favorite book moment
Day 20: If you had to meet one member of the cast, who would it be?
Day 21: Out of all the characters that died, if you could bring one back, who would it be?
Day 22: Harry Potter or Twilight?
Day 23: Any part of the books/movies that makes you cry?
Day 24: Any particular scene you wished would have been put in the movie but it wasn’t?
Day 25: Nineteen years later. Are you happy how it turned out, or do you wish something was different, ie Neville married Luna?
Day 26: If you could be able to work one spell without a wand what would it be?
Day 27: Would you rather own The Invisibility Cloak, The Resurrection Stone or The Elder Wand?
Day 28: Fandom: discuss and share
Day 29: Favorite quote
Day 30: What affect has Harry Potter made on your life and how much does it mean to you?

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1st November 2010

today

today

~Had left over apple crisp for breakfast. Mmmmm….
~Arrived to work at the same time as one of the neurology residents, so got to leisurely huff and puff my way up the stairs with her (those stairs are STEEP).
~Since she didn’t know where the resident workroom was, I walked her there and was greeted by my intern from last month, who is also on neuro consults. Aww, I’ve missed him! Love starting a day with a hug. 🙂 I’m looking forward to having a semi-regular lunch partner.
~Ran into one of the boys from church in the hall. As I was bored with the conversation between my attending and fellow (it had been ongoing for several minutes), I stopped to say hi. No hug but a big smile. Happiness.
~Ran into one of my medicine friends; she’s the resident over one of the teams that I’ll be working with. We caught up on how the little plant we bought last year has died. 🙁
~The new pulmonary fellow is not quite as overwhelming of a jerk as the guy I worked with for a couple of days last week. I was about ready to slit my throat. Or quit. This guy seems at least willing to share the workload, so the day went much, much better.
~Came home and made the roasted vegetable minestrone soup and totally burned the vegetables. I think it still tastes good, just a little more carcinogenic. 🙂
~As I sat down to dinner, received a call from my other intern from last month inviting me to dinner. So instead, I had sushi. Cooked sushi (I have to be in a particular tummy mindset to tolerate raw) and good conversation capped my day.

It’s the 199th anniversary of the publication of Sense and Sensibility. I probably will forget to memorialize it next year, so I’m sharing my favorite quote (or at least, it’s the quote that is speaking to me the most right now):

“Dear, dear Norland,” said Elinor, “probably looks much as it always does at this time of the year. The woods and walks thickly covered with dead leaves.”
“Oh,” cried Marianne, “with what transporting sensation have I formerly seen them fall! How have I delighted, as I walked, to see them driven in showers about me by the wind! What feelings have they, the season, the air altogether inspired! Now there is no one to regard them. They are seen only as a nuisance, swept hastily off, and driven as much as possible from the sight.”
“It is not every one,” said Elinor, “who has your passion for dead leaves.”

Only my maple tree still clings to its leaves, so alas, my love for dead leaves will also have to end soon. Ah, Wisconsin, you and I have certainly had a passionate love affair this year! I may have to try to arrange for one more tryst before winter blankets you with snow….

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