Here’s my bit of story that will most likely be the end of LNB. Gah, I wish I had time to finish it!

It’s pretty stand alone actually, so if you haven’t read the rest of the story, I think you can follow it pretty well. And it’s rough, very rough. There are definitely part I would have slashed/changed if I had had the time. Let me know what you think. (Oh, and it takes place in DC–Jess went down to meet Rory there).

Like Never Before, end of chapter 9

*hugs f-list tightly* Have I told you all recently how wonderful you are? You Are Amazing.

Things are going a tiny bit better. Liz got an apartment last night, she’ll be moving out before the end of the month. Knowing that’s it’s inevitable has kinda made it a little easier. And I did tell her that I was sad about it. Hopefully, things will shift to normal again. And I need to get over feeling sorry for myself.

And I’m caught up on my reading! Of course, I understand nothing, but there’s a chance that I won’t fail the test on Friday. Next week’s tests are still debatable. 😛 Still sick of school. Most recent fantasies have involved becoming a hermit in the hills. I can eat lots of Dinty Moore stew and wash in streams. Hey, since I haven’t had water in my apartment for the past two days, I’m almost used to that dirty feeling. 🙂 No, just kidding. Ransacked my friends’ apartment to shower… I love showers. I love water.

And, yes, I did end up watching GG. Still blah. I honestly can’t believe that they pulled such a rating stunt. LL were cute, I’ll grant you that. And I love the townspeople. I’m hoping that Rory gets completely shunned by them forever.

Everybody’s already said everything… I think we’re all disgusted.

A few years ago, Liz and I were overcome with the urge to inflict all of the cast of Dawson’s Creek with a nice STD. One that would cause a great deal of pain and more importantly, make them all infertile… Yep, I’m thinking a nice STD would be just about right…

Well, it’s the end for me. I had agonized how I was going to manage to tape and watch it in my few brief moments of spare time next year, but I’m glad that’s one less thing for me to worry about. 🙂

And to the three people who may have been interested (I already told Marissa), I think it very unlikely that I’ll be finishing Like Never Before. I have no desire to write Rory. None. I know that my Rory is completely different, she’s actually shows some maturity and self-awareness, but it would still require getting into her head and I don’t want to. On top of that, I’m completely stressed out (hmm, didn’t you guys know?) and don’t have the time to devote to it. I feel bad, because I did pretty much have it completely plotted out, but… So for now, it’s shelved. Maybe in a year, I’ll return to it.

I did write out the scene where Rory told Jess that she loved him–I wrote that months ago. It’s still a little fragmented, but if anybody would like to read it and get some kind of (good kind, I promise!) closure, just email me, and I’ll pass it on.

I don’t think I’m entirely done writing for GG. As upset as I’ve been, I do still love the *classic* show. I’ve got some ideas… a story that’s just phone conversations between Luke and Jess… showing Jess moving on and being happy…. how everybody came to Stars Hollow. Lots of Luke/Jess drabbles. Nothing for Rory, except maybe one where everybody spits on her.

I hate days like this.

The stress of the last week and the increasing burden caught up with me today… Almost started crying in church. Then, after going to study with Chris and him being an hour late, I did break down. Started crying in Starbucks. We went out on the grass and I just bawled. Poor guy. He really should consider psychiatry, he’s pretty good at it.

There’s just so much going on right now. I’m burned out on class and this last section–yeah, I don’t understand it at all. On top of it all, I have this massive paper I have to complete by Wednesday and these cumulative finals that I haven’t started studying for and what was that big test that my whole career depends on? The one that I should have started studying for in at least March? I have so much that I have to do, and no real end in site. Not for another year. Overheard third-years talking about how much they got screwed over in their rotations…Yeah, all those fears came flooding back. I’m going to suck during third year. I don’t do high stress situations. I’m not good at deciding what somebody else is thinking and wanting me to do. And I thought I spent an abnormal amount of time in tears this year.

This thing with Liz is absolutely killing me. I hate not talking to her. I hate that every time I do talk to her, it’s criticisms of what I could do better. The bathroom’s not cleaned, I don’t turn my alarm off early enough, I shouldn’t have bothered making those frames, even though she bothered me about them for months because she hated that the puzzles were just glued to cardboard (long boring story). Etc, etc. And to add to it, I’m constantly confronted by the fact that she is actively trying to move out. Flyers for apartments. Talking to other girls in our church. And the biting thing–she’s searching for a roommate. Any roommate that’s not me, I guess. I hate it. I hate feeling caught in the middle, like there’s nothing I can do. I’m torn between feeling like I almost hate her and then missing her so much already. Geez, I’m crying again. I so want to run away…

I think I need sleep more than anything. I always get emotional when I’m sleep deprived.

Weird… I just logged onto ff.net, and discovered that someone put me as their favorite author. Their pen name? Julia: It’s All a Dream. I wonder if it’s a sign.

Had to share:

This is a picture of my lovely class, all of us future doctors, can you believe that? Brownie points if you can pick me out!! My best friend, Chris is in the middle, three rows up from the girl in the yellow-n-blue turban. He’s blond (surrounded by a bunch of blonds, so that doesn’t help) dressed in black, directly behind a tall guy in a white sweatshirt.

Med Class

Check here and see if you were right:

Me Cheat

One week of classes left. Then a week of comprenhensive finals and then… I’m done… Done with the classroom work. Never again to listen to hours of lecture of the partial pressures of carbon dioxide… I’m feeling rather frightened that these two years are almost over. Excitement hasn’t hit yet, mostly because the next few weeks look so daunting. So much to do and I’m so burned out that I have very little that’s flaming my desire for more studying.

It’s the same pose. The same hand pose as Rory and Jess’s first kiss as a couple. The same freaking one!!! I think that’s what’s burning me the most, even more than the sickening “My Dean” comment and the suggestions that they’re sleeping together. With DEAN.

I don’t think I’m even watching the finale, not to mention next year. Not even the sweet Java Junkie fluff could tempt me. And I want their ratings to go DOWN. Bastards. The whole bunch of them.

It’s going to be a while before I remember how much I really did love this episode.

Just writing to let out a girlish ! Squee!

Catch up with me:

Getting to the end of school. One more month to go, and I’m starting to feel the pressure. I have year-long cumulative finals in three weeks. I haven’t even started studying. I have no idea how to review a year’s worth of material… not to mention two complete years worth for the boards. June 25th. Day of Reckoning.

I’m feeling better about some things though. The past two weeks, I learned (again) how to do a complete physical exam and interview patients, etc. We visited patients in the hospital and talked to them, and learned how to present to the residents and attendings… And for the first time, third year doesn’t seem quite so daunting. I just might be about to do it.

My roommate of five years told me a couple of weeks ago that she wants to move out. She came home yesterday with ad postings. I almost started crying. Our schedules are going to be night/day opposites and we share a room, so things will probably get difficult sleep-wise. I understand, and yet, I feel like I haven’t been able to breath deeply since I found out. She’s been one of my best friends for 7 years, and I can’t imagine not coming home and sitting on the couch and telling her about my day… We’ve been drifting apart recently, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in January and she only told me a few weeks ago…when we used to stay up until 3 in the morning telling each other everything. Now she sits on the couch playing computer games, and I come home late and write on my computer in our room…

It’s cause a great deal of reflection. Remembering our crazy dorm years. Half of the stories I can’t even relate, because they are so weird that nobody would understand why I laugh hysterically. We’ve grown up since then. All of my dorm friends (we call ourselves the Plethora), besides my roommate Liz, are married. Half have kids. We try to pretend that adulthood hasn’t crept up on us, but we didn’t used to stop the parties at 9 because the kids have to sleep.

I was reading over my journals and realized that it was a year ago, when I was writing about finally making friends in medical school, beyond just the superficial. It was a year ago that I formed a study group with Chris and Candice, then Steve joined us a few weeks later… For one summer, they were all my friends. Candice and Steve read Harry Potter aloud to me while I recovered from surgery. Chris emailed me from Europe, cheering me up when everything got me down. A beautiful summer… and then fall came. I was trying to be the support between everyone, and all I could do was watch everything crumble around me. And now, all who remains is Chris. Granted, I’ve gotten one of the best friends that I could ask for out of him, but I keep waiting for him to wake up and realize that I’m not worth it.

Sheesh, all I ever do is post the depressing messages here. I’m honestly not a depressed person… I’m happy with my life, I really am…. I just need use this to vent, I guess.

On a much happier note: Like Never Before, chapter 8. Finishing off those last few sentences was the best feeling in the world. Not sure if I’m entirely satisfied, and as always, I appreciate the input.

I know I’m horribly behind on commenting to people (mrschimpf, I think I left our conversation hanging in the air!) and worse, I owe about four billion reviews to bjorks_defender, _starsinhereyes and _flutter for their incredible GG stories that have taken my breath away. And shirerain I know I owe you a review, but I need time to reread over your last chapter, I was in such a hurry the first time that I didn’t get a proper chance to muse over it. But I will get to it all!

And the best news of all: Jess is back. Enough said. 🙂

Gacked from kimarama

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

Ask anyway, I won’t bite. 🙂

!*$^&%()@)!!! Gilmore Girl spoilers. Don’t read if you enjoyed that piece o’crap ep

Scrofula
(1) a form of tuberculosis infection, characterized by swollen cervical (neck) lymph nodes and glands.
(2) A term of endearment, used by uncle doctor and family, when kids, dog, etc. are misbehaving.
(3) Julia’s first experience with getting pimped. Her definition, since she and her uncle were talking about the dog who was wrecking havoc in the garden, “a play on words with Dracula (you know, like the book, Bunnicula).” Uncle Doctor laughed and quickly pointed out her errors in thinking, continuing “what are they teaching you in that medical school.” It was a joke. I think.

This is what my life starting in July is going to be like. Looking like an idiot because I don’t know the answers to anything. I don’t know anything. Nothing. I can’t tell you about any drugs, any diseases. It’s not what they’re teaching, it’s how little I’m remembering. Two years and I’m still clueless. And it’s going to become painfully obviously when I get to the wards that they should have let in that white Mormon boy from BYU instead of trying for diversity. Oh, the legislature and their little auditors will just love this.

Honestly, remind me again why I’m doing this?

Let continue the whining rants, shall we: I’m tired, I’m getting sick with what I’ve been told is a really nasty cold going around, I stared at the computer screen of the next chapter of LNB for four hours today and didn’t write a single word… instead, I deleted some and realized that I still haven’t figured out what Jess would say as a greeting on the phone. I haven’t talked to my best friend in over 2 months, I’m tired of being single and having no prospects, and the thought that I’m 25 and still end up carpooling and bumming rides from friend-who-is-sick-of-being-my-chaffeur, because my sister is unable to walk the four blocks to where she works. Let’s add in the guilt from when I talk to parents–whom at the age of 25 I’m still dependent on because I’m going to medical school and making absolutely no money–about said car situation and they try to figure out ways to buy other car, when they have absolutely no money because they are supporting me through medical school. I’m selfish, and whiny, and not acting like the mature adult that I ought to be.

I so just want to run away right now.

So Ellie (shirerain) was asking me to tell her about Jess. She had no idea what she was getting into… I thin kI reigned myself in pretty well, all considering!

Of course, I, being the generous friend that I am, had to do a search around the internet looking for the most yummiest pictures that I could find of him and I found this one. Now normally, I would link it and download it and make it my baby, but the site is down and I can’t find it anywhere else! And I have to have it!! Which picture is it? It appears to be one of him at an awards function of some kind, and he’s wearing glasses… Glasses… I have a weakness for guys in glasses… Seriously, I’m drooling so much that my keyboard is going to short circuit. You may be able to find a thumbprint by going to http://www.dogpile.com, typing in Milo Ventimiglia and hitting the IMAGES button…. Top right-hand corner… That’s where I found it.

I need it. I want it.

I was browsing through my copy of A Room With A View looking for quotes for my story. I love the book. And the movie. But the book is so under-appreciated and just filled with little gems. Like these:

George had turned at the sound of her arrival. For a moment, he contemplated her, as one who had fallen out of heaven. He saw radiant joy in her face, he saw the flowers beat against her dress in blue waves. The bushes above them closed. He stepped quickly forward and kissed her.

George’s father, Mr. Emerson to Lucy: “But you do,” he went on, not waiting for contradiction. “You love the boy body and soul, plainly, directly, as he loves you, and no other word expresses it. You won’t marry the other man for his sake.”

And: “You must marry, or your life will be wasted. You have gone too far to retreat. I have no time for the tenderness, and the comradeship, and the poetry, and the things that really matter, and for which you marry. I know that, with George, you will find them, and that you love him. Then be his wife. He is already a part of you. Though you fly to Greece, and never see him again, or forget his very name, George will work in your thought till you die. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets were right: love is eternal.”

He carried her to the window, so that she, too, saw all the view. They sank upon their knees, invisible to the road, they hoped, and began to whisper one another’s names. Ah! it was worth while; it was the great joy they had expected, and countless little joys of which they had never dreamt. They were silent.

I can’t believe that I just did that!

I’ve been in a writing funk for weeks. Haven’t been able to write anything. I’ve been attempting working on LNB and, as usual, it’s been picky and stubborn. Paris didn’t like the way I was taking things, too much peace and teenage novel happiness, so I’ve had to brainstorm for new ideas… I’m starting to get a little worried about it. I have only about four months to get it all done. Once rotations start, I doubt I’ll ever get a chance to work on it again. I’m actually getting “update now!” reviews… new experience that one!

So, after reading bjorks_defender‘s lovely story, Stupid Reasons, I was inspired. One-parters! I love fluffy one-parters, and I haven’t written any since my first, What A Wonderful World. That was over a year ago.

I dug out my sketch that I had done after A Family Matter aired. Too angsty. Couldn’t think of how I could make it happy. And I needed happy.

And last night, an idea came to me, so I went for it…

Never mind that it hints at things that I should never ever write about. Oh, it’s clean as a whistle, no swearing, no nudity (described at least) but this is me, folks, the girl who blushes at everything…

I actually wrote a bedroom scene! You can read it here: One of the Moments

AHHHH!!! I really wish I could find a little rock to hide under right now.

Marissa, this story was for you. A couple of years ago, my best friend and I did this story-writing thing, where we put ourselves as the main character with the “loves of our lives.” I tried writing one with you and Jess, and him comforting you about all the stupid college application stuff, silly and pointless fic to make you laugh, but it didn’t go anywhere… So, instead you get this. I hope you at least enjoy it. 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, and yes, in case, you were wondering, I am back from Guatemala. I’ve been back a week and a half now (sheepish grin). Beautiful place, I loved it so much. Still can’t speak a lick of Spanish, but other than that, it was great. I’m uploading some of my pictures, so I can gush about it all soon!

But I’m horribly behind on commenting to my friends… Sorry if I’ve neglected you!

Well, I’m on day three of my adventures already. I can’t say that time has flown, because it’s been interesting and difficult figuring my way around a town that speaks very little English. Time seems to creep by when you are just staring blankly at a person, wondering what they were saying. And I speak extremely little Spanish so far… Really, I thought I had picked up a little bit more from listening to Liz and stuff, but no. Oh no. It truly is a foreign language. More on my “pronunication problems” later.

Yesterday, Tina and I tracked down the church, which was just a couple of blocks from our house. The buildings here are very low–it’s rare to have a building besides a cathedral that’s more than a story high–and all interconnected. The only way to tell that one building has ended is by the different color of paint, and the LDS chapel was no different–we almost walked right past it. Church was interesting. Tina was able to pick out enough to have an idea about what the lessons were about, but I was pretty clueless. I understood “familia” and “Cristo” and not much else. But the people were warm and friendly and gave us some tips on how to survive and where to go for things, which was desperately needed.

We spent much of the afternoon walking around the city, trying to figure out where things were and (in my case) trying to figure out how to use my VISA in the ATM. I looked online and learned that I need to call and get a PIN setup (which I can do collect, if I can ever find a phone), but luckily I did bring cash with me, so I am able to survive. Sometimes I do wish I was a little more sauvy on the ways of the money world. Most people would have known that you had to call in…

Right now, we are in the middle of Lent, which is a huge (grande… ooh, be impressed) thing down here. Antigua has some of the oldest churches in Guatemala, so every week, people make big processions down from Guatemala City to the cathedral La Mercier (which is about four blocks from my house). We passed them walking when we drove in Saturday night… pitch-black-dark and just a throng of people in the middle of the road, everybody just honks and puts on blinkers to warn the other drivers. The drivers here are quite terrifying, they don’t care who’s trying to cross the street, but I’m getting used to it.

Anyway, the procession arrived in Antigua and walked down the streets to the cathedral. They had massive figurines of Christ and the Virgin Mary that they carried. The men and many little boys, all dressed in purple, carried Christ and the women (I think they were in white) carried Mary. several priests walked in front waving incense, which instantly gave me a migraine, and they had a band too. A lot of noise, a lot of people, a lot of excitement, and every week is supposed to get bigger. We’ll be in Tikel next weekend and Lake Atilan the week after, so we might miss most of the excitement.

Started classes today in the afternoon. My school opens up into a garden where we have classes in the sunshine, which is very nice. In the shade with the breeze, it is very comfortable, although the streets can get very hot, they are very narrow and trap the heat and dust. But the nights are really cool. No bugs, really, besides the big moths that seem determined to haunt me wherever I go. No mosiquitos, so i shouldn’t get Malaria. Hope, hope.

I have two private teachers, one who focuses more on the conversational aspect and the other on the grammatical. Today I learned how to introduce myself (Me llamo Julia (pronounced who-le-a… I keep introducing myself as Julio, since that’s what all of my friends have called me), and tell where I’m from (Yo soy de Estados Unidos, vivo en Salt Lake City), how many siblings I have (tengo dos hermanas), that I’m a medical student (soy estudiente de medicina) etc. But I was able to follow dinner conversation a little easier tonight. Not much, but I feel like I know at least ten fold more than I did when I arrived. But my pronounciation… Yeah, I think I’m driving my teachers nuts. I keep adding in additional syllables and sounds and they give me the funniest looks. They’ll be begging for raises by the end of these three weeks.

I have about five pages of notes that I took and at least two hours of homework to do tonight. For the most part it’s good, although I feel pathetically slow at picking up on pronounciation. I feel pretty stupid right now when I can{t remember what they had said to me just minutes before. But I hope to make lots of progress. It’s going to be hard work, that’s for sure. Medical school I think will be a piece of cake, compared to this.

Tomorrow, we visit a hospital in a nearby town, San Jose in the mornings. We’ll be visiting a different clinic/hospital every day this week and by the three week, we’ll make a decision on where we want to be placed and work there. Hopefully we can be of some assistance, although our Spanish is so sparce.

My host family is great! Very nice and pleasant. The father knows English and eats dinner with us and teaches us new phrases. Tonight was the first time that I felt like I understood a couple of phrases. There are two other students staying there, a mother and daughter. They’ve been here a week and started out knowing more Spanish, so they seem really knowledgeable. I’m rather envious. I have my own room, a large room that looks like it was supposed to host two people who’d share a bed, because it is by far the biggest. Tina is rather jealous and visits frequently. Once we got here and the stress of flying and being constantly late was over (long story, tell you when I get home, suffice to say that she would fit in well down here when her concepts on time and lateness… her late arrivals to class for tests is just the way she is, I guess. And it drove me nuts), she’s been a fun companion.

Haven’t gotten cat-called yet, (darn) like we thought we would, but we did have a guy meow at us tonight. Still trying to figure out what he could have possibly meant by that. No boyfriends to bring home yet, although our tour guide Emilio was pretty cute. Hmmm.

The people are nice, but mostly just leave us alone. It really is a pleasant city. Tomorrow, I’m hopíng to track down some postcards and get them mailed off and I’m looking forward to going to the market and finding cool Guatemala stuff to bring back.

Funniest thing yet (besides the meowing guy, which still sends me into hysterics): Tina “The roosters here are broken!” after they started crowing at around 11 at night for no apparent reason.

Well, I’ve written a novel now, and I’d better go. I’ll post more soon.

Well, I am off to Guatemala in about three hours. I’ll be gone for three weeks, can you believe it? I’m so excited and so nervous at the same time–my dad filled me with stories about how I, as a red-head, was more susceptible to be mugged or pick-pocketed, so now I’m freaking out a bit. Not to mention going to a country where I don’t even speak the language. hopefully I’ll come home and be able to say more than just “How’s your pain?”

I should have internet access there, so I’ll try to update on my travels periodically.

Talk to you all soon!

Written for the tv100 Addictions Challenge (I don’t know if I’ll post it there… They didn’t seem to receptive to GG fic.)

Title: Cravings
Words: 100
Characters: Rory/Jess
Adult content: From me?? Well, it’s probably the most sensual that I’ve ever written, but there’s absolutely nothing in it. It’s still on a low PG rating. I blush easy, I guess…

Inspired by Marissa’s (avidtvfan) incredibly lovely drabble… Don’t listen to all of her doubts, I absolutely love it.

Cravings

Current favorite fics:

GG: Over Time by Elise _starsinhereyes. She just updated it, after I had been so worried that she would never touch it again. LOVE this story. And this chapter is probably one of her best yet.

LOTR: If Wishes Were Elves, Even Fangirls Would Dance by Teanna. This is probably the best “Mary Sue and Elves in Modern Times” stories around. Teanna’s got a thing for The Elf (Legolas) which is evident in her conversations between Legolas and Gimli (my favorite parts). And her original characters are so well written–and I see too much of myself in them. Then add in Nightcrawler from X-Men and you have a story unlike any other!

BtVS: Black and White by Kinkor the Knight. Massive novel-length story that he’s still working on. It’s a sequel to his phenomenal Harsh Legacy Series that he wrote as an alternative Season 6 (and it was so much better than Joss and co should have been getting ideas from him. His stories are sadly overlooked, but they are the best written. He’s got the characters down!

Question for GG fans: How do you think Jess would answer the phone? I’m missing one line for a scene where he responses to a “hello?” I can’t come up with anything! Any suggestions?

claidheamhmor posted this ages ago, but I really liked it. And I’m in an introspective mood (which is not a mood you’ll find on a LJ list.)

Beliefs

I figured I’d better post this before Dean’s return tomorrow and I get so pissed at him that I never want to see him content…

This is part of my “write something besides Rory and Jess” collection.

A Second Chance

It’s been a while since I updated this journal for real. Every time, I start to post a message, something comes up and I’m swept away. I wish that it meant that I was being productive, you know, finish formatting my website, writing on my next chapter, studying for the next upcoming test. No, usually not, just little things that waste my time. Grrr.

I hope everybody had a nice Valentine’s Day, regardless of their attachment status. Becka, I was thinking of you and hoping that your day went better than you thought it would. How was your cake?

I went out to dinner with a bunch of first years women that I’ve studied with. The restaurant was so crowded, full of simpering couples–we had to wait an hour to get a table. Now, to be completely honest, I’ve never had a “relationship” go beyond a second date, so I’ve never celebrated VD with anybody special. So it may just be my singleness talking, but to me, it seems like such a cheap, over-sentimental holiday that there’s not a part of me that is dying to have a significant other to celebrate with… I don’t know, maybe it’s the flowers that wins them over, but I just don’t see the point. Although, I have a soft spot for the conversation hearts, they make me laugh.

Dinner was good for the most part… Good Italian food (Shrimp, spinach, mushrooms and pine nuts in lemon butter over pasta…Could you create a better dish?), good conversation, good people. Only one moment dulled the evening. One woman brought her friend, a fellow nurse whose name I’ve completely spaced, and apparently they’re trying to set her up with some of the (few) single guys in their class. And one of those guys they are considering is Matt. When I heard his name, my stomach lurched, my heart started beating twofold, and I know I was blushing bright enough to light a fire.

Who is Matt, you are asking? A long story and one that I haven’t talked about in a long time, but last night really disturbed me and I need to get it off my chest, so you, my poor readers, will get to hear about Matt, more than you probably wanted to know.

I met him around two years ago, when I was working in a lab before I started medical school. I didn’t even notice him for probably the first two months that I was there… He only worked a couple of days a week for a few hours, I barely saw him and I don’t think we said more than hi for ages. He’s pretty quiet and shy if you don’t know him. But we finally started talking and it suddenly dawned on me that he was cute (and he is, horribly good-looking. And I didn’t even realize it for the first six months that I knew him, I’m that dumb sometimes) and we had such a good time talking that before you knew it I was hooked.

I started medical school right when he started applying, so I kept in contact with him after I quit working. Rarely saw him, but we had a lot of fun email conversations, which added fuels to the flame.

Anyway, shortening this really boring story (I have such a hard time talking about my flings and crushes, that it all comes out forced and trite), he started going to my school, I saw him a little more, and it finally started to sink in that he wasn’t interested and he wasn’t going to be interested, so I did the whole “purge and move on” thing that I’ve almost perfected, I’ve done it so much. Unrequited love… Yeah, I’m writing a user guide on it.

Or at least I thought I had perfected that talent. The thought of him dating someone else made me positively green, and I so hated that girl. She’s too old for him anyway.

It would be laughable if it wasn’t so pathetic. I mean, it’s been almost two years… Two freaking years. Granted, I’ve set the record for the longest crush–Erik, eight years–but that was mostly in high school and I can cut that some slack because it was the first crush and he was the only nice guy in my entire school. But I thought I had matured some since then.

And so now, I’m obsessing, I can’t get him out of my mind, which shows even greater maturity. And he was in my dreams last night… another bad sign.

On a good note, I noted a guy who looked strikingly like Jess… Believe me, I did a double take and was disappointed in reality. But… thick, wavy hair that stood up, short and lean. Yeah, his date probably didn’t understand why I was shooting daggers at her either!