Cut because I really shouldn’t be inflicting this on you

It is official! Julia has passed her second year of medical school!!!!

I’m so excited! No more finals. No more classes with droning teachers. None. It’s rather weird, actually. For the past 19 years of my life, that’s what I’ve done. Gone to school. Sat in classes. Listened to teachers. Taken tests. And now, it’s a shift from theoretical to the practical–I’ll be learning from patients and doctors in a hands-on version for the rest of my life. Wow.

I’ve always been weird–I hate the last day of classes. As much as the first day of class. Mostly because it represents this abrupt change in my life that I have no control over. And I loathe change. So, now I’m feeling this bittersweet feeling because, it is over, and I can’t get that part of my life back again. I won’t be seeing my classmates as a group until fourth year. Honestly, someone could drop out and I wouldn’t even know it. It’s a weird sensation–I’ve spent so much time with these people and now, I’ll only see the six people who share my rotation. It makes me sad.

I start board study tomorrow. 😛 I guess things don’t change THAT much.

Here’s my bit of story that will most likely be the end of LNB. Gah, I wish I had time to finish it!

It’s pretty stand alone actually, so if you haven’t read the rest of the story, I think you can follow it pretty well. And it’s rough, very rough. There are definitely part I would have slashed/changed if I had had the time. Let me know what you think. (Oh, and it takes place in DC–Jess went down to meet Rory there).

Like Never Before, end of chapter 9

*hugs f-list tightly* Have I told you all recently how wonderful you are? You Are Amazing.

Things are going a tiny bit better. Liz got an apartment last night, she’ll be moving out before the end of the month. Knowing that’s it’s inevitable has kinda made it a little easier. And I did tell her that I was sad about it. Hopefully, things will shift to normal again. And I need to get over feeling sorry for myself.

And I’m caught up on my reading! Of course, I understand nothing, but there’s a chance that I won’t fail the test on Friday. Next week’s tests are still debatable. 😛 Still sick of school. Most recent fantasies have involved becoming a hermit in the hills. I can eat lots of Dinty Moore stew and wash in streams. Hey, since I haven’t had water in my apartment for the past two days, I’m almost used to that dirty feeling. 🙂 No, just kidding. Ransacked my friends’ apartment to shower… I love showers. I love water.

And, yes, I did end up watching GG. Still blah. I honestly can’t believe that they pulled such a rating stunt. LL were cute, I’ll grant you that. And I love the townspeople. I’m hoping that Rory gets completely shunned by them forever.

Everybody’s already said everything… I think we’re all disgusted.

A few years ago, Liz and I were overcome with the urge to inflict all of the cast of Dawson’s Creek with a nice STD. One that would cause a great deal of pain and more importantly, make them all infertile… Yep, I’m thinking a nice STD would be just about right…

Well, it’s the end for me. I had agonized how I was going to manage to tape and watch it in my few brief moments of spare time next year, but I’m glad that’s one less thing for me to worry about. 🙂

And to the three people who may have been interested (I already told Marissa), I think it very unlikely that I’ll be finishing Like Never Before. I have no desire to write Rory. None. I know that my Rory is completely different, she’s actually shows some maturity and self-awareness, but it would still require getting into her head and I don’t want to. On top of that, I’m completely stressed out (hmm, didn’t you guys know?) and don’t have the time to devote to it. I feel bad, because I did pretty much have it completely plotted out, but… So for now, it’s shelved. Maybe in a year, I’ll return to it.

I did write out the scene where Rory told Jess that she loved him–I wrote that months ago. It’s still a little fragmented, but if anybody would like to read it and get some kind of (good kind, I promise!) closure, just email me, and I’ll pass it on.

I don’t think I’m entirely done writing for GG. As upset as I’ve been, I do still love the *classic* show. I’ve got some ideas… a story that’s just phone conversations between Luke and Jess… showing Jess moving on and being happy…. how everybody came to Stars Hollow. Lots of Luke/Jess drabbles. Nothing for Rory, except maybe one where everybody spits on her.

I hate days like this.

The stress of the last week and the increasing burden caught up with me today… Almost started crying in church. Then, after going to study with Chris and him being an hour late, I did break down. Started crying in Starbucks. We went out on the grass and I just bawled. Poor guy. He really should consider psychiatry, he’s pretty good at it.

There’s just so much going on right now. I’m burned out on class and this last section–yeah, I don’t understand it at all. On top of it all, I have this massive paper I have to complete by Wednesday and these cumulative finals that I haven’t started studying for and what was that big test that my whole career depends on? The one that I should have started studying for in at least March? I have so much that I have to do, and no real end in site. Not for another year. Overheard third-years talking about how much they got screwed over in their rotations…Yeah, all those fears came flooding back. I’m going to suck during third year. I don’t do high stress situations. I’m not good at deciding what somebody else is thinking and wanting me to do. And I thought I spent an abnormal amount of time in tears this year.

This thing with Liz is absolutely killing me. I hate not talking to her. I hate that every time I do talk to her, it’s criticisms of what I could do better. The bathroom’s not cleaned, I don’t turn my alarm off early enough, I shouldn’t have bothered making those frames, even though she bothered me about them for months because she hated that the puzzles were just glued to cardboard (long boring story). Etc, etc. And to add to it, I’m constantly confronted by the fact that she is actively trying to move out. Flyers for apartments. Talking to other girls in our church. And the biting thing–she’s searching for a roommate. Any roommate that’s not me, I guess. I hate it. I hate feeling caught in the middle, like there’s nothing I can do. I’m torn between feeling like I almost hate her and then missing her so much already. Geez, I’m crying again. I so want to run away…

I think I need sleep more than anything. I always get emotional when I’m sleep deprived.

Weird… I just logged onto ff.net, and discovered that someone put me as their favorite author. Their pen name? Julia: It’s All a Dream. I wonder if it’s a sign.

Had to share:

This is a picture of my lovely class, all of us future doctors, can you believe that? Brownie points if you can pick me out!! My best friend, Chris is in the middle, three rows up from the girl in the yellow-n-blue turban. He’s blond (surrounded by a bunch of blonds, so that doesn’t help) dressed in black, directly behind a tall guy in a white sweatshirt.

Med Class

Check here and see if you were right:

Me Cheat

One week of classes left. Then a week of comprenhensive finals and then… I’m done… Done with the classroom work. Never again to listen to hours of lecture of the partial pressures of carbon dioxide… I’m feeling rather frightened that these two years are almost over. Excitement hasn’t hit yet, mostly because the next few weeks look so daunting. So much to do and I’m so burned out that I have very little that’s flaming my desire for more studying.

It’s the same pose. The same hand pose as Rory and Jess’s first kiss as a couple. The same freaking one!!! I think that’s what’s burning me the most, even more than the sickening “My Dean” comment and the suggestions that they’re sleeping together. With DEAN.

I don’t think I’m even watching the finale, not to mention next year. Not even the sweet Java Junkie fluff could tempt me. And I want their ratings to go DOWN. Bastards. The whole bunch of them.

It’s going to be a while before I remember how much I really did love this episode.

Just writing to let out a girlish ! Squee!

Catch up with me:

Getting to the end of school. One more month to go, and I’m starting to feel the pressure. I have year-long cumulative finals in three weeks. I haven’t even started studying. I have no idea how to review a year’s worth of material… not to mention two complete years worth for the boards. June 25th. Day of Reckoning.

I’m feeling better about some things though. The past two weeks, I learned (again) how to do a complete physical exam and interview patients, etc. We visited patients in the hospital and talked to them, and learned how to present to the residents and attendings… And for the first time, third year doesn’t seem quite so daunting. I just might be about to do it.

My roommate of five years told me a couple of weeks ago that she wants to move out. She came home yesterday with ad postings. I almost started crying. Our schedules are going to be night/day opposites and we share a room, so things will probably get difficult sleep-wise. I understand, and yet, I feel like I haven’t been able to breath deeply since I found out. She’s been one of my best friends for 7 years, and I can’t imagine not coming home and sitting on the couch and telling her about my day… We’ve been drifting apart recently, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in January and she only told me a few weeks ago…when we used to stay up until 3 in the morning telling each other everything. Now she sits on the couch playing computer games, and I come home late and write on my computer in our room…

It’s cause a great deal of reflection. Remembering our crazy dorm years. Half of the stories I can’t even relate, because they are so weird that nobody would understand why I laugh hysterically. We’ve grown up since then. All of my dorm friends (we call ourselves the Plethora), besides my roommate Liz, are married. Half have kids. We try to pretend that adulthood hasn’t crept up on us, but we didn’t used to stop the parties at 9 because the kids have to sleep.

I was reading over my journals and realized that it was a year ago, when I was writing about finally making friends in medical school, beyond just the superficial. It was a year ago that I formed a study group with Chris and Candice, then Steve joined us a few weeks later… For one summer, they were all my friends. Candice and Steve read Harry Potter aloud to me while I recovered from surgery. Chris emailed me from Europe, cheering me up when everything got me down. A beautiful summer… and then fall came. I was trying to be the support between everyone, and all I could do was watch everything crumble around me. And now, all who remains is Chris. Granted, I’ve gotten one of the best friends that I could ask for out of him, but I keep waiting for him to wake up and realize that I’m not worth it.

Sheesh, all I ever do is post the depressing messages here. I’m honestly not a depressed person… I’m happy with my life, I really am…. I just need use this to vent, I guess.

On a much happier note: Like Never Before, chapter 8. Finishing off those last few sentences was the best feeling in the world. Not sure if I’m entirely satisfied, and as always, I appreciate the input.

I know I’m horribly behind on commenting to people (mrschimpf, I think I left our conversation hanging in the air!) and worse, I owe about four billion reviews to bjorks_defender, _starsinhereyes and _flutter for their incredible GG stories that have taken my breath away. And shirerain I know I owe you a review, but I need time to reread over your last chapter, I was in such a hurry the first time that I didn’t get a proper chance to muse over it. But I will get to it all!

And the best news of all: Jess is back. Enough said. 🙂

Gacked from kimarama

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

Ask anyway, I won’t bite. 🙂

!*$^&%()@)!!! Gilmore Girl spoilers. Don’t read if you enjoyed that piece o’crap ep

Scrofula
(1) a form of tuberculosis infection, characterized by swollen cervical (neck) lymph nodes and glands.
(2) A term of endearment, used by uncle doctor and family, when kids, dog, etc. are misbehaving.
(3) Julia’s first experience with getting pimped. Her definition, since she and her uncle were talking about the dog who was wrecking havoc in the garden, “a play on words with Dracula (you know, like the book, Bunnicula).” Uncle Doctor laughed and quickly pointed out her errors in thinking, continuing “what are they teaching you in that medical school.” It was a joke. I think.

This is what my life starting in July is going to be like. Looking like an idiot because I don’t know the answers to anything. I don’t know anything. Nothing. I can’t tell you about any drugs, any diseases. It’s not what they’re teaching, it’s how little I’m remembering. Two years and I’m still clueless. And it’s going to become painfully obviously when I get to the wards that they should have let in that white Mormon boy from BYU instead of trying for diversity. Oh, the legislature and their little auditors will just love this.

Honestly, remind me again why I’m doing this?

Let continue the whining rants, shall we: I’m tired, I’m getting sick with what I’ve been told is a really nasty cold going around, I stared at the computer screen of the next chapter of LNB for four hours today and didn’t write a single word… instead, I deleted some and realized that I still haven’t figured out what Jess would say as a greeting on the phone. I haven’t talked to my best friend in over 2 months, I’m tired of being single and having no prospects, and the thought that I’m 25 and still end up carpooling and bumming rides from friend-who-is-sick-of-being-my-chaffeur, because my sister is unable to walk the four blocks to where she works. Let’s add in the guilt from when I talk to parents–whom at the age of 25 I’m still dependent on because I’m going to medical school and making absolutely no money–about said car situation and they try to figure out ways to buy other car, when they have absolutely no money because they are supporting me through medical school. I’m selfish, and whiny, and not acting like the mature adult that I ought to be.

I so just want to run away right now.

So Ellie (shirerain) was asking me to tell her about Jess. She had no idea what she was getting into… I thin kI reigned myself in pretty well, all considering!

Of course, I, being the generous friend that I am, had to do a search around the internet looking for the most yummiest pictures that I could find of him and I found this one. Now normally, I would link it and download it and make it my baby, but the site is down and I can’t find it anywhere else! And I have to have it!! Which picture is it? It appears to be one of him at an awards function of some kind, and he’s wearing glasses… Glasses… I have a weakness for guys in glasses… Seriously, I’m drooling so much that my keyboard is going to short circuit. You may be able to find a thumbprint by going to http://www.dogpile.com, typing in Milo Ventimiglia and hitting the IMAGES button…. Top right-hand corner… That’s where I found it.

I need it. I want it.

I was browsing through my copy of A Room With A View looking for quotes for my story. I love the book. And the movie. But the book is so under-appreciated and just filled with little gems. Like these:

George had turned at the sound of her arrival. For a moment, he contemplated her, as one who had fallen out of heaven. He saw radiant joy in her face, he saw the flowers beat against her dress in blue waves. The bushes above them closed. He stepped quickly forward and kissed her.

George’s father, Mr. Emerson to Lucy: “But you do,” he went on, not waiting for contradiction. “You love the boy body and soul, plainly, directly, as he loves you, and no other word expresses it. You won’t marry the other man for his sake.”

And: “You must marry, or your life will be wasted. You have gone too far to retreat. I have no time for the tenderness, and the comradeship, and the poetry, and the things that really matter, and for which you marry. I know that, with George, you will find them, and that you love him. Then be his wife. He is already a part of you. Though you fly to Greece, and never see him again, or forget his very name, George will work in your thought till you die. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets were right: love is eternal.”

He carried her to the window, so that she, too, saw all the view. They sank upon their knees, invisible to the road, they hoped, and began to whisper one another’s names. Ah! it was worth while; it was the great joy they had expected, and countless little joys of which they had never dreamt. They were silent.

I can’t believe that I just did that!

I’ve been in a writing funk for weeks. Haven’t been able to write anything. I’ve been attempting working on LNB and, as usual, it’s been picky and stubborn. Paris didn’t like the way I was taking things, too much peace and teenage novel happiness, so I’ve had to brainstorm for new ideas… I’m starting to get a little worried about it. I have only about four months to get it all done. Once rotations start, I doubt I’ll ever get a chance to work on it again. I’m actually getting “update now!” reviews… new experience that one!

So, after reading bjorks_defender‘s lovely story, Stupid Reasons, I was inspired. One-parters! I love fluffy one-parters, and I haven’t written any since my first, What A Wonderful World. That was over a year ago.

I dug out my sketch that I had done after A Family Matter aired. Too angsty. Couldn’t think of how I could make it happy. And I needed happy.

And last night, an idea came to me, so I went for it…

Never mind that it hints at things that I should never ever write about. Oh, it’s clean as a whistle, no swearing, no nudity (described at least) but this is me, folks, the girl who blushes at everything…

I actually wrote a bedroom scene! You can read it here: One of the Moments

AHHHH!!! I really wish I could find a little rock to hide under right now.

Marissa, this story was for you. A couple of years ago, my best friend and I did this story-writing thing, where we put ourselves as the main character with the “loves of our lives.” I tried writing one with you and Jess, and him comforting you about all the stupid college application stuff, silly and pointless fic to make you laugh, but it didn’t go anywhere… So, instead you get this. I hope you at least enjoy it. 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, and yes, in case, you were wondering, I am back from Guatemala. I’ve been back a week and a half now (sheepish grin). Beautiful place, I loved it so much. Still can’t speak a lick of Spanish, but other than that, it was great. I’m uploading some of my pictures, so I can gush about it all soon!

But I’m horribly behind on commenting to my friends… Sorry if I’ve neglected you!

Well, I’m on day three of my adventures already. I can’t say that time has flown, because it’s been interesting and difficult figuring my way around a town that speaks very little English. Time seems to creep by when you are just staring blankly at a person, wondering what they were saying. And I speak extremely little Spanish so far… Really, I thought I had picked up a little bit more from listening to Liz and stuff, but no. Oh no. It truly is a foreign language. More on my “pronunication problems” later.

Yesterday, Tina and I tracked down the church, which was just a couple of blocks from our house. The buildings here are very low–it’s rare to have a building besides a cathedral that’s more than a story high–and all interconnected. The only way to tell that one building has ended is by the different color of paint, and the LDS chapel was no different–we almost walked right past it. Church was interesting. Tina was able to pick out enough to have an idea about what the lessons were about, but I was pretty clueless. I understood “familia” and “Cristo” and not much else. But the people were warm and friendly and gave us some tips on how to survive and where to go for things, which was desperately needed.

We spent much of the afternoon walking around the city, trying to figure out where things were and (in my case) trying to figure out how to use my VISA in the ATM. I looked online and learned that I need to call and get a PIN setup (which I can do collect, if I can ever find a phone), but luckily I did bring cash with me, so I am able to survive. Sometimes I do wish I was a little more sauvy on the ways of the money world. Most people would have known that you had to call in…

Right now, we are in the middle of Lent, which is a huge (grande… ooh, be impressed) thing down here. Antigua has some of the oldest churches in Guatemala, so every week, people make big processions down from Guatemala City to the cathedral La Mercier (which is about four blocks from my house). We passed them walking when we drove in Saturday night… pitch-black-dark and just a throng of people in the middle of the road, everybody just honks and puts on blinkers to warn the other drivers. The drivers here are quite terrifying, they don’t care who’s trying to cross the street, but I’m getting used to it.

Anyway, the procession arrived in Antigua and walked down the streets to the cathedral. They had massive figurines of Christ and the Virgin Mary that they carried. The men and many little boys, all dressed in purple, carried Christ and the women (I think they were in white) carried Mary. several priests walked in front waving incense, which instantly gave me a migraine, and they had a band too. A lot of noise, a lot of people, a lot of excitement, and every week is supposed to get bigger. We’ll be in Tikel next weekend and Lake Atilan the week after, so we might miss most of the excitement.

Started classes today in the afternoon. My school opens up into a garden where we have classes in the sunshine, which is very nice. In the shade with the breeze, it is very comfortable, although the streets can get very hot, they are very narrow and trap the heat and dust. But the nights are really cool. No bugs, really, besides the big moths that seem determined to haunt me wherever I go. No mosiquitos, so i shouldn’t get Malaria. Hope, hope.

I have two private teachers, one who focuses more on the conversational aspect and the other on the grammatical. Today I learned how to introduce myself (Me llamo Julia (pronounced who-le-a… I keep introducing myself as Julio, since that’s what all of my friends have called me), and tell where I’m from (Yo soy de Estados Unidos, vivo en Salt Lake City), how many siblings I have (tengo dos hermanas), that I’m a medical student (soy estudiente de medicina) etc. But I was able to follow dinner conversation a little easier tonight. Not much, but I feel like I know at least ten fold more than I did when I arrived. But my pronounciation… Yeah, I think I’m driving my teachers nuts. I keep adding in additional syllables and sounds and they give me the funniest looks. They’ll be begging for raises by the end of these three weeks.

I have about five pages of notes that I took and at least two hours of homework to do tonight. For the most part it’s good, although I feel pathetically slow at picking up on pronounciation. I feel pretty stupid right now when I can{t remember what they had said to me just minutes before. But I hope to make lots of progress. It’s going to be hard work, that’s for sure. Medical school I think will be a piece of cake, compared to this.

Tomorrow, we visit a hospital in a nearby town, San Jose in the mornings. We’ll be visiting a different clinic/hospital every day this week and by the three week, we’ll make a decision on where we want to be placed and work there. Hopefully we can be of some assistance, although our Spanish is so sparce.

My host family is great! Very nice and pleasant. The father knows English and eats dinner with us and teaches us new phrases. Tonight was the first time that I felt like I understood a couple of phrases. There are two other students staying there, a mother and daughter. They’ve been here a week and started out knowing more Spanish, so they seem really knowledgeable. I’m rather envious. I have my own room, a large room that looks like it was supposed to host two people who’d share a bed, because it is by far the biggest. Tina is rather jealous and visits frequently. Once we got here and the stress of flying and being constantly late was over (long story, tell you when I get home, suffice to say that she would fit in well down here when her concepts on time and lateness… her late arrivals to class for tests is just the way she is, I guess. And it drove me nuts), she’s been a fun companion.

Haven’t gotten cat-called yet, (darn) like we thought we would, but we did have a guy meow at us tonight. Still trying to figure out what he could have possibly meant by that. No boyfriends to bring home yet, although our tour guide Emilio was pretty cute. Hmmm.

The people are nice, but mostly just leave us alone. It really is a pleasant city. Tomorrow, I’m hopíng to track down some postcards and get them mailed off and I’m looking forward to going to the market and finding cool Guatemala stuff to bring back.

Funniest thing yet (besides the meowing guy, which still sends me into hysterics): Tina “The roosters here are broken!” after they started crowing at around 11 at night for no apparent reason.

Well, I’ve written a novel now, and I’d better go. I’ll post more soon.